Husband driving new mother (wife) crazy?

Question

Hi
My husband and I have a three week new baby boy. It took us a long time and effort to get pregnant - we both wanted this child for a long, long time (been married 10 years). Now that the baby here I can't believe how my husband is acting....He still works late, still enjoys relaxing with a few beers and then wants to handle a newborn - not drunk but he's not himself. I find this behaviour shocking - didn't he think his life would change? After 3 weeks he finally felt he was ready to change his first diaper but I wasn't allowed to help.....I listened to my baby cry for 2 mins. before I forced my way in....he wont let me suggest anything. Not sure how to get through to him - he's driving me crazy (even more crazy than the usual hormonal crazies I've been feeling ie. very protective of my new baby). Or, is it me? Do other husbands act like this? Feeling worried and nervous about this whole situation.
thanks for any advice

Answer 1

If the baby cries while hes changin him it is ok you running in there trying to 'make suggestions' which as a mom we know means tell him how lol hes going to do it different. But making him feel like everyhting hes doing with the baby is wrong will push him away from helping for fear of being criticized. It is you 1st so you will be very protective just let him do things his way like changin a diaper if the baby cries for a couple min then o well its not hurting him letting them cry on occasion is actually good for his lungs. Your hubby is used to the laid back lifestyle I went through the same thing with mine it takes time they diddnt spend thetime pregnant or giving birth they dont have the same emotional conection that a mom does. If you are nursing try letting him go out for an hour (after you have pumped and baby will take a bottle) just to be with him and bond, or a bottl if you are bottle feeding. an hour wont hurt it could be a quick trip to a store having more responsability will help him understand that he needs to change and elp more.

Answer 2

is he working late because he doesn't really have a choice? i know i sometimes get frustrated by my husband's hours (i thought we had agreed that if we had 4 kids he would need to be home more) but then i realize he's under tremendous pressure at work to get more done than he could in a shorter day (and that he'd rather be at home if he had a choice).

as for the diaper thing ... i know it's hard but i think you need to let him do it his way. a rough couple of diaper changes, or 2 minutes of crying, isn't going to kill him or the baby. often dads do things differently than moms, and that's not always a bad thing. everybody has a learning curve. he was probably worried he'd hurt the baby somehow. i'm sure 100 diapers from now he will have his own speedy method that may not be the same as yours. if the mom is always trying to teach the dad how they're "supposed" to do something, the dad starts feeling like it's really "mom's" kid, not theirs ... and that's big trouble. (also, i know listening to my child cry for 2 minutes when they were newborns made me out-of-my-mind crazy. but i think it's hormones. unless the baby's actually being hurt (unlikely even in a troublesome diaper change) it's not the end of the world if they're crying for a short time. it only seems like it to a mom beset by hormones. i've noticed guys usually have a longer fuse for when they think the crying needs attention. i've noticed because of that that the guys are often better at things like getting the kids to sleep through the night.....)

as for the drinking thing ... that's a safety issue, and you need to talk to your husband about it. maybe just suggest that he have his winding-down beer after the baby gets put to bed?

babies (and sleep-deprivation) are stressful no matter how long you've wanted them. things get easier as they sleep better and your family gets a new routine. hang in there, and be patient with your husband.....

Answer 3

Maybe your husband did not think his life would change very much after the baby was born. I don't remember changing the first diaper, but I think I wasn't very sure of myself at the time and wanted help. I think after a baby is born, men need some attention from the wife too. The baby will take up a lot of time, attention, and energy from the mother and the husband gets what is left over. I assume that hormones make the woman not want the husband very intimately and there is a waiting period after the baby is born anyway.

Answer 4

Congrats on your new baby! Unfortunately he may have just not been as prepared for the baby and all it entails, not just the wonderful cooing and holding but the crying, diaper changing and checking to make sure he's still breathing. Not to mention that you are postpartum and need to rest. Sometimes men like women have some withdrawal once the baby arrives, he may be scared or concerned, you know some of the questions we may secretly feel, will i be a good dad, what if i make a mistake, what if i can't provide for my family, what if our relationship changes. Try talking to him and keep in mind that no one likes to be confronted or told they are not doing enough this only leaves space for more tension. Trying starting with + what he has been doing appreciate value and then ease into where you could use more support. Remind him how important it is for his son to hear him and be with him. P.S. I know it's hard since we are very protective of our children but it may take a while for him to learn all the techniques like diapering in less then 15 seconds, just remember unless he's physically hurting him (diaper pinching him) baby won't be harmed for crying while hes being changed.

Answer 5

When he is doing something for the baby let him be. You do it your way and he has to find out what his way is. You cannot push in and take over every time he tries or he will give it up altogether and you don't want that. Having a baby does change your life but it is not over. He should be able to have a beer. He also now has a family to support and he still has to go to work. He has been working late so why is it a problem now? It is normal to feel over protective of your baby but not from your husband. Back off a little bit and let him try. I know plenty of husbands that do not touch their kids when they are babies.

Answer 6

my first grand daughter was born august 17 2007 and this has been the way my son has been eversince the baby has arrived. he does not drink but he works lots of hours. every photo i see of the baby there is my son. every time my son and i talk on the phone the baby is making her little noises in the background because he is holding her. honestly i do not think there is a wrong way to handle the baby unless you are mistreating the baby. i know that things have changed from back when i was brought into this world. my son was ready to take over baby watch the day the baby was born. you guys are okay quit worrying about baby. baby will be okay. we sometimes over do things with baby. you might be the overdoer today and him tomorrow. I am 61 years old i have watched this a few more times than some people. KEEP ON DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT BABY> BYE BYE LOVE TO THE BABY

Answer 7

First of all, what she did by not allowing him to see the kids was illegal. Whoever told him that he had no rights was wrong. He is the father and he has rights, especially if he was paying support. She sounds like an evil bit*h, and he will have nothing but problems with her until those kids are 18. If I were him, I would file my tax return ASAP, do it online and get the money quick before this broad does. But don't worry, that will take time and only if she is awarded that by a court of law. Also, they always decide support by how much he makes and they take into account that he has two kids with you. Once they find out that she stopped him from seeing the kids just over another relationship, she wont look good in the court system. You have more on your side than you think.

Answer 8

seems pretty normal to me except my husband doesnt drink.
i would definitely take issue with him handling a newborn baby while drinking. my son is now 5 weeks and 1 day old. my husband works out of town, but when hes home he TRIES to help and ends up more or less getting in the way ( in my eyes....he CAN do it...but not to suit me) you have to realize he is doing the best he can and most men just dont have a clue as to how to care for a newborn to suit its mother whore hormones are still a mess and has her acting the part of a mama bear.

Answer 9

I think he's acting fine. He has to work late to keep his job and make money to support the extra person in the family and so waht he relaxes with a beer or two and cares for the baby. I'm 16 and 2 beers barely do anything, I'm sure he's fine. If that's how he wants to relax, let him. As long as he's not getting plowed like every night, then I think it's fine. If he has a beer or two and changes the diaper, I don't think anything is wrong with that. If he is doing something bad while he's drunk, then obviously that's a bad thing, and he should listen to your help.

Answer 10

my husband was holding each of our newborns at the hospital. As a mater of a fact he bonded with our first before I even could. He was changing diapers at the hospital and stayed up every other night so I could try to catch up with sleep.
I think he just needs to know his life is in a new direction. You need to try to make sure he understands that he is a parent to. He needs to know the old life is out the door and the new adventure has begun.. If you have to you may need to takwe him to some parenting classes and involve his mother if need be...