We have known each other for 15 years and lived together for 3 of them. We have remained close friends and see each other several times per month. I put alot of effort and thought into gifts and she gave me something that a stranger might give to someone.
I hate cooking, don't have dinner parties and keep away from the kitchen as much as I can...all my friends and family know this, it's just who I am. She gave me an oil and vinegar dispenser.
I normally would never say anything and would just let it go, but this gift has shocked and disappointed me; I feel like I got slapped in the face by a close friend. I don't think that I can pretend that I like it or that I'm not hurt. Was it just that she forgot who I am, was it that she doesn't care or was it a regift? How do I approach this? Help!
By the way, the gift I gave her was thoughtful and appropriate to who she is and I already received a near-tearful 'thank you' phone message.
2007-12-27 11:39:00 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Truly, I would have rather gone to a movie or had a lunch together, which is what I told her when she ASKED what I wanted for Christmas. She asked what I wanted, I mentioned a bunch of things....none of them to do with food.
I do not want to be shallow, but I am no good at pretending things are great when something is wrong.
2007-12-27 11:52:10 · update #1
I can understand why you wouldn't like this gift, it's so "not you", but why are you hurt? Because she has not done something you expected her to do? But your expectations are yours to own, and it's not her job to live up to them.
I would wait, examine my own expectations, say nothing about the gift, and let time show you what is going on with her.
2007-12-27 11:51:57 · answer #1 · answered by Mother Amethyst 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't be upset about it -
Value the thought, not the gift
Thank her nicely for the gift you received and gently ask did she mean to give you that because it is SO different to your life style.
You never know, it could have been meant for someone else and was given the wrong label.
in any case, the oil and vinegar dispenser set would not have been a slap at you, but something you could put on the table for any one to use when they do eat at your table.
Even if you stay out of the kitchen as much as possible, don't have dinner parties, and hate cooking, you do still have to eat.
Fill the dispenser with oil and vinegar and leave it on your table, ready for when you do eat something that needs either oil or vinegar. Maybe salad or fish n chips etc.
Regardless of whether she did forget the type of thing you usually get, she thought of you and cared enough to give you something, treasure that thought.
2007-12-27 12:08:20 · answer #2 · answered by lassiebear 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Before you take it personally, consider a few things. First, I will usually pick a gift for someone that I want. Even if its something little. So, this probably was something she liked. (Afterall, it is a cool kitchen tool. My mom uses olive oil daily several times, and a dispenser like this has made cooking more convenient for her. In fact, we were just talking about it on Christmas Day. ) Next, she could have been short on time and really wasn't able to put much effort into it this year. I would suggest that you ask her about it someday soon, after you have carefully chosen your words. Like maybe: "I really think the oill and vinegar dispenser you gave me is pretty. Do you have any good salad dressing recipes?" Or, "I'll save it for when I have more time for cooking." Otherwise, you could allow it to change your behavior toward her.
Do not allow things like this to affect your relationships. I like what I learned in The Four Agreements; don't take things personally.
2007-12-27 12:00:18 · answer #3 · answered by MsManner 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ok First was it brand new or is it an antique ?
Second Maybe she has signed you both up for cool cooking lessons for you both
Third it might have been handed down to her from her family and she was low on funds but still wanted you to have something for christmas
I personally wouldn't go on the war path about this
either fill it with vinagar and oil and put it on your table to enjoy for your next yummy salad or turn it in to a unusual and cool flower vase
if you absolutely have to know what she was thinking in a couple of weeks get her drunk and ask her in a funny goof ball loving way
gift giving is never easy the fact that she is a great friend is a precious gift in of its self
good luck heart
2007-12-27 15:27:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What is the intended result that you would get from letting her know? Are you sure you're not having a gut reaction of making her want to feel hurt because you think she made you feel hurt? Two wrongs won't make it all right.
I guess thinking up great gifts is just not her thing. Maybe she figured that even though you don't cook, you have to eat sometimes, and this will make it easier for you to grab a salad. Maybe not. Best to quietly forgive and move on.
.
2007-12-27 11:47:28 · answer #5 · answered by Kacky 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, try thinking of it this way. This is a gift that came at Christmastime...once a year. Think of all the other important gifts you have gotten from her at the times when it is NOT Christmas...the friendship, companionship, laughter, etc...one gift says nothing compared with the other stuff. In fact, it's a little shallow to think it does.
2007-12-27 11:46:14 · answer #6 · answered by dianah 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Gifts mean different things to different people. To your friend, the act of giving a gift might not have all of the things involved in it that you are thinking. The book "The Five Love Languages" has helped me to understand this. I recommend the book to you.
2007-12-27 14:45:41 · answer #7 · answered by drshorty 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say anything at all. Christmas isn't about the presents and you make a bigger deal of it than what it is. I don't know maybe she wanted to get you something to help you enjoy cooking more. And do you really want to risk hurting her feelings over one Christmas gift?
2007-12-27 11:51:34 · answer #8 · answered by Jazzy 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
in the beginning, i could desire to invite, grow to be she like this before she remarried? If she wasn't, those "horrific" presents could have something to do with your stepfather. possibly. How i could tell her is in basic terms say, "mom, in the beginning, i admire you. yet those presents which you're giving me for my birthday, in basic terms are not what i want. i'm no longer ungrateful, yet issues like, me paying club expenses for a e book club that i do no longer even opt to be in! And a used walking tournament that smells quite undesirable! What got here approximately? what's happening? Like I mentioned before, mom, i admire you no count what, yet what's taking place to you?" commence off with that, and probably she's having problems with your stepfather or something, or she'll aid you be responsive to the fact approximately issues. sturdy success!
2016-10-02 10:47:41 · answer #9 · answered by lindholm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People use those to decorate there kitchen. Stop being so sensitive. Aprreciate that you have a friend that cared enough to give you something.
2007-12-27 11:50:33 · answer #10 · answered by kim 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋