I have a 10 year old stepdaughter who doesn't really know how to share. Why? cause she is the only kid that her dad had rasied since she was 3, I have 2 kids of my own and they know how to share! She just dosen't like to share at all! what can I do to make that problem stop?
2007-12-27 10:31:50 · 8 answers · asked by I love my angels 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I'm sorry, but a 10 year old knows how to share, whether they are an only child or not. they don't WANT to share. Big difference. Tell her to take turns with whatever it is they're arguing over and if she refuses or doesn't comply, punish her.
Make sure your husband is on board so you're both consistent or this won't work. Good luck.
2007-12-27 10:59:02 · answer #1 · answered by Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rosie's got the answer down !!
One thing I'd add to ensure the cutting-and-sharing is fair- have one child do the cutting, but another gets first pick of the divided commodity. If this ten-year-old girl cuts up the cake, someone else gets first pick. This sorta tends to make sure the division is very fair.
One more thing I'd add- a ten-year-old is old enough to understand what she's doing and to comprehend that behaviors have consequences. Have firm chat with her- no rancor or anger- and tell her that you'd like her to be better at sharing. She'll understand. And don't forget to reward her with a hug when you see her sharing has improved. Positive reinforcement works as well as negative.
One more comment: I think this slightly selfish girl will become a terrific young woman because she's got a caring mom.
2007-12-27 19:31:28 · answer #2 · answered by going_for_baroque 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain that sharing is something important that she needs to learn, that you can see she's been improving lately (unless blatently untrue) but she has a bit of a way to go before she has the hang of it. Tell her that everyone has special things that they don't want to share, so she needs to put those things away in her room. Showl her the things of yours that are in that category (eg your jewellery box, your mum's dinner set,) and the things that you are happy to share all of the time, and the things you are probably happy to share, but you like people to ask first about (your sewing kit, for example.) Then help her decide which things she wants to put away "out of bounds" and which things she's ok to share. She might start off with most things being unshareable, and that's ok as long as she keeps them out of the public area. If she has problems sharing any of her things after your little chat, tell her that if she can't share it, she needs to go and put it away. Obviously she'll need time to play with those things on her own, just like the rest of us do.
I'd also put her in charge of cutting up cake or any other foods that are to be shared. Supervise, of course, until her concept of "fair" kicks in and she can make sure everyone gets the same amount. Use phrases like "that one looks a bit smaller/ larger than the others" and letting her fix it, instead of "you aren't being fair." That should help.
The phrase you need to keep in your head is "she's just learning!" True, she should have learned it already, but she hasn't. This was a favourite phrase at our playgroup, to the point where even the kids would tell the adults that the little ones were "just learning." That might be a helpful phrase to use with your two kids. It's better for family relations if they look at her as someone who is "just learning" rather than a selfish so and so who won't share.
2007-12-27 18:43:12 · answer #3 · answered by Rosie_0801 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
she is 10, she should know some sharing, how does she get along at school? Perhaps she just hasn't had to share and never learnt it. A suggestion could be for everyone to pick out 2 things special to them that aren't to be shared, 2 things that can be shared and just edge into it. Good luck!
2007-12-27 19:31:28 · answer #4 · answered by kimbathewhitelion02 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask her the following:
"what if they had something u liked but they wouldn't share with u? how would u feel then?"
dont listen to that guy who says "my palm and her but will be having a few meetings..." thats just cruel, and is not good for her future. it will influence her that she can get whatever she wants with physical violence. and dont get a divorce either. the kids just need a little bonding time. glad to help, and happy holidays!!
2007-12-27 18:41:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teach her how, and then hold her accountable for that knowledge.
She obviously knows how to, she's ten years old, whether or not she's HAD to is a different story.
Her butt and my palm would be having a few quick meetings if she were in my care, along with her father for not parenting her the way she needed and deserved.
2007-12-27 18:35:30 · answer #6 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you both (parents) have to set rules and enforce them equally, so you don't look like the evil step-mother to her.......
Beyond that, I would every time tell her to share, give her a warning, then take the toy in question away after one warning. Then she can pout and move on to the next time......after a few times, she will know you mean business!
2007-12-27 18:36:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce. Sounds like she is a spoiled little brat. Sounds like the father doesn't want to change this either. I wouldn't put up with this!
This is not fair to your 2 children. Raising children (especially step) takes teamwork. Not just one. It sounds like you don't get any support from your husband. So, basically you are trying to correct his mistakes and he is not contributing!
2007-12-27 18:34:42 · answer #8 · answered by SimplyMe 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋