I'm getting married in june and i was talking to my cousin and she said she probaly wont be able to make it because theres a 10 day fair going on and she already has the ticket. I believe the day we are getting married on, a sunday, is 6 days into the fair.
I just said "oh" to her (talking on IM) and then she shortly logged off.
basicly with her past I just think she's jealous but I'm worried that shes just being selfish on this.
Do I have a right to be upset that she would pick going to a fair, that happens every year, then come to my wedding?
They do live out of state and its a 4 hour drive, so really she could just come up for the day.
Do I have the right to say anything such as: "Well thats a bit hurtful that you would pick a fair over my wedding."?? Or what can I say?
Thinking about this makes it seem immature, which I'm 24 and she's 31. I'm kinda hurt :(
Please advice
2007-12-27 10:28:35 · 15 answers · asked by Mom to one cute boy! 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Don't give her the power to ruin your special day. She seems to have an inflated sense of her importance in your family; if you go along with her "reason" for not going to your wedding, you will take the high road and she will ultimately have to explain to her family, as well as other family members why she chose to go to an annual event rather than a "once in a lifetime" event taking place in your family.
Be the big person and put the onus on her to explain her choice.
Best of luck to you and your future husband!
2007-12-27 10:39:08 · answer #1 · answered by confidentgal 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her exactly how you feel, and that you are sad that she won't come to the wedding. Tell her that you were hoping she could make an exception, since the fair is every year and this is a once in a life-time event. Tell her exactly how you feel, or when you are married, you will constantly harbor these feelings and ruin your family relationship with her. Also, ask her if there is something wrong, and that you thought she would be excited to come to the wedding. That is the only way that you will know. Tell her even, that you will pay for her ticket to go on a different day to the fair just to get her to be a part, then she really has no excuses.
Don't give her the luxury of an excuse. Tell her that you want her to be there, and that you care about her, and that it won't be the same with her.
2007-12-27 10:45:59 · answer #2 · answered by pansyskunk 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Prove that you are the class act in this by sending her an invitation anyway, if she still choses not to attend, opting for a fair over a relative's wedding then so be it. Accept it and don't give her a second thought.....
...you don't have to point out how hurtfull she's being....anyone with half a pea brain hearing this will judge her harshly for it....you, don't say a word. Enjoy your wedding without the Wet Blanket.....
.....and in future if she not invited to any other functions, such as your first baby shower,any birthday parties you throw for your husband or children,anniversary parties,etc.....well everyone was under the impression because of your wedding that she prefers to go to fairs than to celebrate milestones with family.
2007-12-27 11:20:39 · answer #3 · answered by The Original GarnetGlitter 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know she must be important to you, otherwise you won't be feeling hurt. But if she has such a disregard for you, her prescence may actually rain on your special day instead of bolster. Send her the invite anyway, hopefully she will get over herself enough to know how important family is, in comparison to some fair. If she comes, great. If she doesn't, don't let her ruin your special day. Don't give her that much power!
2007-12-27 10:33:38 · answer #4 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say nothing to her. She wants to rile you up- don't let her. She has made her choice- you will still have a wonderful day without her.
Why are you concerned if she is being selfish? Not your problem. If you are worried about your family's reaction, all you have to do is invite her- then it is all on her to explain why she felt going to a fair was more important than your wedding. You have enough to worry about- immature relatives are not your problem.
2007-12-27 10:34:02 · answer #5 · answered by KD 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You cant change the way she behaves with you; what you can change is how it affects you. I know its hard to say it doesnt matter, because it does- it has hurt you bad enough for you to post this question.
Accept that you are feeling hurt, but don't let that get in the way of enjoying your own wedding. I know its hard, but ultimately you have to let go your own expectations of her. Keep reminding yourself that its her loss, NOT yours- you will still have your wedding, and those who matter will be there no matter what. It will still be the most precious day in your life, and you will have beautiful memories of it. Its sad that she couldnt be there- but sad for her, not for you!
Ultimately, its enough that you accept your hurt and then make efforts to move on from there. People are strange, but they are human!
2007-12-27 10:44:34 · answer #6 · answered by ls2c 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As you noted, she's jealous.
Let it go.
If she opts not to come it will spare your photos from catching her with a sour puss on her face the whole day, playing the 'martyr' and all. I've got a cousin just like this and I'm praying that she'll come up with some bogus thing to do that will conflict with my wedding day so the family can enjoy ourselves.
2007-12-27 11:02:30 · answer #7 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be real blunt...
But tell her the hell with her. she's too grown to be doing that. And you have every right to be upset, but please do not let that ruin your special day!! Let her be cheesy and selfish. As for talking to her about it, don't even waste your precious time with that! But also keep in mind that do unto others most definitely will come back to you. ( a warning for her lol ) Let her act the way she wants and congrats to you and your man!!
2007-12-27 11:15:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't take it personally. She does sound jealous. you don't want her there to ruin your day anyway. I know she may be important to you, but if you don't react, she may come around and decide to come. The ones that are important to you in your life will come and support you. It sounds like a 31 year old needs to grow up...maybe that's why she's not married???
2007-12-27 11:17:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have enough to worry about without worrying about this! Just leave her be and don't go to the next important thing in her life, so she'll know how it feels.
Have a great, beautiful, fun wedding that she'll regret having missed!
2007-12-27 10:40:28 · answer #10 · answered by Sharon 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋