I think I'm a loser? Will I always think this low of myself?

Question

I'm 20 and have never dated and have few friends. I dont think much of myself. I could never see myself dating, I'm not that attractive a guy. How can I be happy and confident? I feel so shy/lonely/down?

Answer 1

I have something for you that could change your life. I am serious.

Go to the gym. Lift weights.

It will make you look better.

It will make you feel better. (seriously)

It will allow you to make social contacts.

it will occupy your mind.

It will give you confidence.

Dont underestimate it.

Answer 2

i think u will always think that way of yourself. i am 38 by now and i still think of myself as a loser thou i am not. i keep proving myself that i am not but each time i even slightly fail or seem to fail even in something extremely insignificant - like when i didn't pass driving test from the first time - i passed it anyway (third time) so i am still beating myself that i am a loser even thou i passed it in 2 weeks anyway. it is just in the head. maybe if u go to a shrink or smth. i just pity money ´for a shrink - better buy myself a nice outfit


ps. and working out (exercising) or doing smth u like or other people liking u doesn't help. i have a very loving husband, i exercise every day, i love it and i have a perfect body which not so many women especially with 3 children have. i still feel a failure and a loser

Answer 3

Enjoy life and be yourself. It takes lot of confidence to express how you really feel, and trust me, there are millions of people who feel the same way. You're not a loser, and theres always time for making more friends. The new year is coming up, make yourself a resolution to have a nice night out with your friends, maybe even go to a club and try to see the better things in life. You'll be glad you did. Take care of yourself, and try not to feel so down!

Answer 4

Well. The key to being confident is to think you are. You can't just wake up and be a whole new person. But you do have to wake up. You don't want this depression to lead to suicide. Now, you want to take everything step by step. Ask your friends for a night on the town, or ask them to introduce you to some of their friends. If you act confident, people will be attracted to that. It's a good thing you're saying you want to change though. If you do something about it, you won't think so low of yourself! I know this sounds corny as heck, but if you think positive, you'll start to believe that. Best of luck!

Answer 5

i think everyone goes through a stage like this in their lives, some more than others.

You seen to be lacking confidence in yourself, i don't think that it is important about how many friends you have, but how much these friends help you make fun times in your life. That is what makes a friend such a good thing.

About the dating, don't worry about that either, there is someone out there for everyone, someone is bound to find you attractive, the main thing is that you have to have confidence to get yourself out there to find someone.

Get out there, if you feel lonely, you clearly need someone/more people in your life that are not in it already. Bars? clubs? college? There are many people out there that can relate and get on with you i am sure, you just need to be confident enough to find them. Be friendly, open up, but don't push yourself into something you don't want to do, keep comfortable conversation.

I love my friends, they help me with a lot and are great people, as for dating, i am just waiting for the right person to come by too. I must of been really unpopular in my early years too, another thing that hurt is people used to pick on me saying i was gay (slightly camp I am), this made me extremely low, but now i am having a great time in my life, with a good amount of confidence. I opened up, people like me for who i am, i would not say i am amazing looking.

:) have confidence in yourself, it's not just what's on the outside, i'm sure you are a great person to get along with too.

I really hope this helps :)

Answer 6

This life is a process, so there's no quick solution, but here are a few ideas that truly boost one's self-worth: Become useful and needed by volunteering at a soup kitchen, library, school, animal shelter, etc.

Become more spiritual through church attendance, reading scriptures, prayer (ask God for help-- He really listens!)

Attend church and/or community get-togethers (it's really hard to do when you're shy, but just pretend you're not shy, that's how I do it).

These are good ways to meet and socialize with other people and are much better than the bar scene.

Answer 7

Doesn't matter how many friends you have as long as they are FRIENDS... It's better having 5 friends than 20 morons... The reason you don't date too much is probably because you don't go out much.
Being attractive isn't everything, you just need to be funny & charming, Plus, you seem to be a very nice guy, so just hang out more and stuff...

The Game by Neil Strauss - very good book... read it, you'll learn from your mistakes...

Answer 8

shyness is something that needs to be overcome ...and can be. first off start by doing something ,Everyday, that you normally wouldn't do. For Example, go to a convenience store with a good looking clerk and tell them that they look really nice today. Now, as you approach the counter you will have the worst butterflies in your stomach but FORCE yourself to do it. even if you blush, you will amaze yourself and feel a great sense of accomplishment and you will realize that you have it in you to talk to complete strangers(which will eventually lead to you finally getting the courage to ask someone out). Now remeber to do this EVERYDAY. Know that everytime you may blush, but you are ready to make a great change in your life that will make you feel the confidence you deserve

Answer 9

I think you need to go out and find a singles group at your local church. Not some weird one filled with older divorced or widowed people. There are many that are for younger college aged poeple. Try it, you just might have a good time! Plus, it's may be a good way to learn about Jesus because he can help you get out of the "dumps".

Answer 10

I think we all feel lonely at times. I think the best way to get friends is to join groups where you are likely to meet people and to be friendly or a friend to others. No one wants to be a friend to someone who doesn't smile or doesn't look at them so you have a hard time meeting people or finding a friend if you don't look at people or don't smile at them. They are afraid to approach someone who doesn't seem friendly as they may be as shy and lonely as you feel and are afraid. If you are always down with no self esteem you may suffer from an illness called depression. It is often from a chemical imbalance with serotonin or neuro receptors in the brain and medication can help. My husband suffers from depression and he takes medication and sometimes talks to a psychologist about his feelings and that helps. I have talked to a psychologist, too, for stress. Some people think that psychologists or psychiatrists mean you are crazy, but they are wrong. It is holistic health -- minds sometimes get sick just like the body, but not necessarily serious, just need some medicine or a bit of help and gets better.

But you may not have depression at all. Some medications can help you get over a short depressed spell even if you don't have long-term depression, too. If you have a couple of good friends you could ask them about what you could do to be a better friend or to get more friends. But don't be offended if the friend tells you something that hurts. Just look at it and see if it is something you might want to change and if that sounds like a good idea. I trust that your hygiene is good (clothes and body clean, hair cut and combed, teeth brushed) and that is not a problem. What are your best qualities? For girls it might be easier as they can use makeup to enhance good qualities. That is frowned on with a guy so can't help there, but clothes and the fit might help to emphasize good qualities. What do you like to do? Take part in activities as you meet people in doing things. If you were still in high school, I'd suggest sports, but at 20 you are either in college or not and sports are harder. Do you belong to a church group? that is a good place to meet people. I met my current husband at a church singles group. We've been married for 16 years I think. Time goes fast. Do you dance? You could take some dance lessons. I know several women who met their husbands at dance class (ballroom). Gets your arms around girls or women, too. Gives you confidence when you dance and a dancer can have women asking him to dance. Good exercise too. Do you have a job? Men met women on the job and you have money to afford dating. You need to start looking at your good qualities and counting your blessings. Look at the positive and you have them as everyone has talents. Not every man or woman is gorgeous. You describe yourself as not that attractive - that may or may not be true. However, do you look at women even if they are not that attractive? Try to get to know them as a person? Maybe there is a shy woman out there who would love to date but who has few friends. She could be a great person if you go to know her. You might be a great person if someone could get to meet and know you, too. Good luck to you. You will stay lonely if you don't take some kind of action and go someplace where you will meet people. Smile and say hello to someone every single day.

Answer 11

You need kick in the nuts!

You should join the Military. There everyone looks the same and you will belong to something and be able to do something with your life instead of just hanging around in your parents basement eating cheetos and playing Super Mario Bro's on your 15 year old Nintendo.