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in my culture it is a tradition to marry a cousin,i love my cousin deeply and his dad wants him to marry me,but i dont know what to do because i love him so much!!!!!but he has got a girlfriend who he wants to marry,but he will go against his dad.help what shall i do i love him!!!he doesnt know.i dont think he would mind please help xxxxxxxx

2007-12-27 09:32:35 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Weddings

he will never go against his dad,he loves him too much...sorry i read it wrong x x x

2007-12-27 09:33:30 · update #1

43 answers

time will tell

2007-12-27 09:35:47 · answer #1 · answered by sweezy 3 · 1 1

Cousins CAN legally marry.....whatever religion you are!! Just thought I'd better point that out to the people who found it astonishing that you should want to marry a cousin. Or that you couldn't!! Needed to get that out of the way first....
Right, the problem you have.....well, you do need to talk to him. But if he will go against his Dad, then no matter what, he will do as he wants.
The thing is, do you really want to be second best if you did marry him? I wouldn't want to marry a man who loved another woman in preference, and would have preferred to marry her instead. It really wouldn't be a good start to the marriage, would it?
You are worth more than that....find someone who will love you for you, and wants you!! xXx

2007-12-27 09:53:38 · answer #2 · answered by dot_on_the_horizon 4 · 1 0

Hmmm well the best advice I can give you is if he is not in love with you, you'll have to start getting over it (I know it sounds harsh) and move on with your life. There are plenty other men (who aren't your cousin) all over the place and I'm sure you can find somebody who you could 'love deeply.' I understand that you love him - but he shouldn't and can't be forced to love you. I'm from a culture where some families allow cousins to marry... but you just cannot be forced to marry someone you dont even remotely fancy. Good luck!

2007-12-27 09:38:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Do you want to marry your cousin knowing that he really loves someone else? Will this problem not eventually turn back and bite you? I suspect you are unable to speak to your cousin privately so you may have to get a trusted friend to do so. Perhaps you could ask him what he would like to do and then both of you say that you do not want this marriage. Your cousin will have a lot of fondness for you for doing this and if it doesn't work with his gf, then guess who he will want to marry! Its a long shot but I think you need to play the long game. This is a very important step for you and it would be very sad to go into your marriage with a cloud hanging above your heads. Good luck to you.

2007-12-27 09:38:42 · answer #4 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 2 0

Interesting. Mind telling us what sort of religion this is that makes marrying cousins mandatory?

Take a look at the picture: You love your cousin, he loves somebody else, and presumably, both sides of the family are trying to pair you up. Pressure, pressure.

If I were the guy, tradition be damned. I will elope with my girl and be done with it. If tradition holds, I'll end up marrying you, but do you think you have my heart? No chance.

2007-12-27 09:44:49 · answer #5 · answered by Pitviper 3 · 1 0

I understand that it is part of your culture but marrying cousins is borderline incest. Plus isnt it better that he marries the girl he actually does love rather than the one he has to grow to love. Wont it always be in the back of your mind that you are not the one he wants to be with. I apologize if that sounds really cruel as i dont mean it to be. At the end of the day you both have to live your own lives not your parents. They had their chance when they were growing up - its your turn now.
Again sorry if this sounds mean, its is only my opinion. x x

2007-12-28 04:05:48 · answer #6 · answered by mel_worton 3 · 0 0

I have a friend who dated a muslim guy while he was studying in the US. He really loved my friend and they got engaged before he went back to his country. His father freaked out and he married his cousin, as his father wished. He still emails and calls my friend. He is so in love with her but did not want to shame his father. My friend has moved on now and is engaged to marry someone else (it has been about 5 years), but he still tries to contact her all of the time and expresses his love for her and his regret for not following his heart. Maybe he will love her forever, I don't know.

I do know that I would hate to be his cousin that he was forced to marry by his father. She will never know true love the way that he does, and he will perhaps never know true love again.

Let the guy make his own choice. Wouldn't you hate to think that he regretted not being with the one that he really loves, and instead was stuck marrying you?

2007-12-27 10:03:55 · answer #7 · answered by Sharon 5 · 0 0

Wow, that's a tough spot girl. But the thing is, if only one person really wants to be in the relationship, you'll never be happy. Especially him if he's clearly in love with another woman and wants to marry her.

Parents are always tough, and they always want you to stick to a tradition. But there comes a time in your life where you have to stand up and say this is what I want. This is what feels right.

Let your cousin be with the woman he loves.

And you will find someone who loves you as much as you love them. Love is a strong and sacred. It'll come. And give your blessings to your cousin. He's probably going to have a tough time admitting how he really feels.

2007-12-27 09:37:54 · answer #8 · answered by buffrxinfo 2 · 2 0

Yea, it doesn't matter about the culture, just give him time to realise what girl he really loves, you or that girlfriend of his

in your culture so many people married like that and ended up living together but there's no much feelings, some people actually loved each other after being married for such a long time

2007-12-27 09:37:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1 2

It is clear.....if he is not going to go against his dad's wishes and it is tradition to marry a cousin then he will marry a cousin.

If he goes against his dad's wishes, he will have to move out and be on his own for the rest of his life.

This situation is out of your hands. It is up to the son and the dad.

2007-12-27 09:39:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

I believe that I would never marry a reletive of mine . Blood related or not but , in your case , it is how you feel and your culture . You shouldn't do anything . Just see what happens and wait . If you interfere , something may happen . For the worst or the best . I hope I helped you =)

2007-12-27 09:37:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

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