Confiscating toys from a three year old?

Question

Is this too young and if not how long is an acceptable amount of time to keep them from the child?

Our daughter point blank refused to tidy up, i told her if she didn't i would put them in a black bag and she won't be able to play with them until we say she can but we don't know how long to keep them.

Answer 1

She's not too young.

She may be too young to have the quantity of toys she has now, if she's solely responsible for tidying them up. Here are a couple of things I do with my own kids (ages 8, 5 and 3).

Rotate toys. Get two big bins. Leave all the toys she really loves to play with now out and divide the rest into the two bins. She probably only plays with 25%-30% of the toys that are out, anyway. Stash the two bins in the attic or basement or a closet. Every 4 months, after she's asleep, get out one of the bins and put those toys out, but pack up everything else, except for one thing that she plays with every day. In four months, get out the other bin and do the same thing. This will make ALL her toys seem more interesting.

A smaller amount of toys make it easier for her to tidy up, too.

Set times to tidy up. We do the half hour before lunch, the half hour before supper and the half hour before bed. It's much easier to do this in smaller runs when there is less of a mess.

When she gets a new toy for a holiday or birthday gift, wait until after she's gone to bed and then go get one of the toys that are out in the play area that she doesn't play with any more and get rid of it. Toss it if it can't be enjoyed by another child, or donate it if it still has life left in it. This keeps the total number of her toys down.

If she refuses to put a toy away, go ahead and put the toy in time-out for a while. I have found that my kids don't ever ask for some of their toys ever again. These go into the donation box or trash.

Answer 2

Personally I think it's a little early, as for some kids they'll forget quickly about a toy, especially if they've received a whole lot of new ones recently (for example from Santa). If however, you do decide it's necessary, perhaps keep it overnight and explain the next day why you had to take it away. Longer term, it may be a little easier to look at this kind of situation from a different perspective - what would encourage her to help tidy up? What if you turned it into a game, like who can tidy the most toys up or who can tidy the quickest? Or offer a reward like a sticker chart - a sticker everytime she does something good, and when she has 'x' number of stickers, a treat. Sometimes it's easier to avoid confrontation altogether (not always easy when going through terrible 2's or 3's, I know).

Someone else mentioned rotating toys - this is a great idea if she has quite a few, and there's less chance of her getting bored anytime soon.

Good luck ;-)

Answer 3

Well the point is that she learns a lesson, so it's not how you keep them that matters but that she complies in order to earn them back. So if you took them away at bedtime, I would say she needs to do something to help "tidy up" after breakfast the next day to earn them back. My little boy is 2 and a half and if this was him I would explain to him that he was naughty not to tidy up before bed and that he needs to help Mummy tidy up the living room to get his toys back. Just whatever you've got to do that makes the point will do - picking up the cushions off the floor, tidying the magazines away, sweeping up with a dustpan and brush even. I would make the point that if she wants to play with her toys she needs to know that it means tidying them away before bed also.

Answer 4

I think that the ideas from sparki77 are great! I also think she should have to earn back her toys one at a time, positive reinforcement for the things she does. So if she helps you clean up she gets a toy. I'd say two a day she could probably earn back. And then after she has earned them all back you could do the rotations like sparki said.

Answer 5

i dont think 3is too old, i think its the right age to start punnishments like this as she will learn more quickly to do as she is told. i wouldnt keep the toys for too long though. maybe wait untill you can tell she regrets losing her toys or if that doesnt happen, go to her after an hour (or less its up to you) and tell her why you took the toys then tell her you think she should say sorry. when she does, give her the toys back

Answer 6

ive done tis easier wit boys trust lol by tomoz she wont understand why ave taken her toys so get down to her hight level an explain mmmy tok ur toys as ur room was messy if u help mummy clean tis den u can ave dem back...... don make her tidy a big mess it takes to long n she will forget children of tat age cant remember wat a grown up told dem do 30 mins prior make it fun for her to tidy up help her by holdin open a bag etc and say one teddy goes hidin two dollys went shoppin etc she wil eventually get into a routine..... i no u must feel bad but dont ur teachin her responseability for her toys hope this heps

Answer 7

Well, I would consider to keep it until their lessons are learned. Normally after a few times they learn to behave and listen, or do whatever it is you want them to do. Sometimes the child will be spoiled if you just allow them to keep the toys and don't do anything about it when they act bad.

Answer 8

She will forget all about it in the morning!


try making tidy up time an enjoyable chore - reward her - if you put this toy away then we will make some biscuits etc.

It works with my 4 yr old (only just 4) and I also tell him that mummy can't read a bedtime story in a messy room!

Answer 9

Its not to young, I'd give the toy(s) back when she tidys up without a fight. When the lesson is learned. Don't back down.

Answer 10

I don't think a three year old will care after the first hour or so. If you do use this as punishment then it would only work for a very short period of time. You could take the toy, explain why for a few minutes while you talk it over, then give it back.

Good luck.....I pray that we all make it through terrible threes!!