How common is trolling for babies?

Question

I've seen some posters to Y!A openly trolling for babies, which sickens me on many levels. But I assumed that was the extent of the behavior. Recently, I was horrified to learn, in a private email from a young pregnant woman, that when she asked a question here that referenced her unexpected pregnancy, she received 12 private emails from strangers offering to take her baby without going through proper channels. She said she's heard from other women in the same situation that it's a common occurrence.

How widespread is this problem? Are pregnant women getting targeted for this sort of illegal and immoral behavior simply because they've posted questions and/or answers here?

Answer 1

I'll tell you a story about an adopter, on yahoo, who was desperate.

When I got pregnant with my last my entire life went to crap. Dumped and thrown out on my butt, unable to work due to the pregnancy, lost and alone I moved back in with my n-mom. I had very little sunshine in my life but I did have some amazing friends in the yahoo adoption chat room. I had been chatting there for around 6 years and knew many of the other "regs" well. One whom I knew but had some problems with was a PAP. Any time a pregnant woman would come in asking for advice this one would go off and start bullying her into giving her baby away... to HER! She started sending me offlines and emails. I was revolted at her behaviour but wondering exactly what she was saying to all the other women she had contacted so I played along. I was offered a plane ticket to her home city, an apartment there while I was pregnant, medical costs payed for, groceries, a rental car, clothes and all personal necessities along with a hefty lump sum payment once the adoption was said and done.

I took all the emails and IMs and called my local police. This woman had stated that she would do ANYTHING to avoid using an agency and wanted to have the adoption finalized out of the country (is that even possible?). I gave the police full access to my email addy, I no longer use that yahoo account, as well as my computer hard drive. I don't know what happened beyond that but I hope she was confronted at the least. This is human trafficking!!!

Answer 2

I've heard of this happening and think it is disgusting. If I were a pregnant woman looking to place a baby for adoption, these would be the last people I would consider. That's because it makes me wonder what kind of parents they would make since they think a baby is a commodity they can buy off of someone else.

Answer 3

I've seen the questions & answers you're talking about. Isn't it illegal? I know I wouldn't feel right about raising a child I had tricked the birthmother into giving me. So many children are already needing homes, anyway. Maybe the people who do this want to harm the baby in some way. I would say anyone who gets an email like that should contact the police.

Answer 4

I have heard about plenty of women being solicited without invitation. It's pretty sick that people would go through improper channels like this.

Although the comment here is really something else, too.

"Adoption lists are so long because a lot of women would rather have an abortion or keep the baby to collect welfare than to give the baby up that can properly care for them."

What business is it of anyone else if someone chooses not to go through a pregnancy. No matter my personal feelings on abortion, it's legal. I also know that abortion is about choosing not to go through with a pregnancy. Relinquishment to adoption is about not parenting. If a woman doesn't want to go through with the pregnancy itself, why would she change her mind and do so just because somebody says they want to adopt the child? She doesn't want the pregnancy itself.

Also, the assumption that women with little money would keep the child in order to get a welfare check is an unfounded and unfair judgment to make. I'm sure there are plenty of young women who start out on welfare because they have few resources, but who still provide their children with the necessities, as well as a stable, loving home. Welfare doesn't necessarily equal low-life, trashy, neglectful and/or abusive, just as money doesn't necessarily equal the opposite. There are people who are making money who fit those descriptors and people on welfare who do not. Do people really think that just because someone doesn't have money that they can't love and care for their own child?

Answer 5

Adoption agencies encourage trolling. They call it "networking". If you check agency web sites, you will note that they give ideas for networking. I think it is fine to circulate letters to family and friends or even advertise. Then it is the choice of someone to initiate contact or not.

Trolling here? Yes, I believe it is frequent here. I think it is disgusting because the adoptive parent is initiating contact which was probably not the intent of the person asking or answering the question.

But I really lose it when I see agencies advise adoptive parents send letters to doctors offices, hospitals, and even high school guidance counselors. By doing that they are asking a person in the powerful position as a medical or personal adviser to initiate contact for them. That is exploitative and coercive and for those reasons it is ILLEGAL.

Generally, I think that people who network in this unwelcome and exploitative way do not see expectant parents as humans with the right to respect and privacy. They do not care that the expectant parents have a difficult and agonizing decision to make. They certainly do not think that they have the right to seek advice without being harassed.

Edited to add - I was just informed that adoptive parent advertsing is illegal in some states - my bad. Makes sense.

Answer 6

Sadly, the internet has opened a lot of doors to allow for this type of trolling and often times scamming also.

In some cases I believe that a couple's heart is in the right place but are so "desperate" to start their family after failed infertility and society's cruelty that you are not a "real woman" until you have a child. I try to counsel the women here on Y!A that in many states (if not all) trolling is illegal and can actually stop the adoption from being finalized. Many states have very specific rules about "advertising" for a birth or adoptive family.

I can completely understand how others may feel disgusted by this type of trolling behavior, but I worry more about the safety of these people and the children. There are many sickos out there who are trying to hurt a child or would love to scam an adoptive family. We need to remember to help educate those "trolling" to help stop this type of thing.

I personally am against trolling for children on the internet. However, I do find it rather interesting that adoptees who use any means necessary to find their birth parents (just look at the questions in this forum) get so angry that infertile woman try any means necessary to start a family. Each one is "desperate" in their own way and we need to support each other, not chastise. Helping people to understand the ramifications of trolling will go a lot further than accusing them of buying a baby, etc. Let's help to educate these people.

Answer 7

I, too, am disturbed by soliciting for a baby. I take the time to write most of these solicitors when I am online at Yahoo, telling them how exploitive soliciting is, and how it can potentially hurt children, birthmothers, and adoptive parents alike. It can take advantage of a woman's vulnerability, and in return offers her no professional support and/or counseling. Some birthmothers may not even know they are entitled to counseling or help with medical expenses, etc. Some people just don't know where to go. Let's take the time to steer "baby trollers" in the right direction.....encouraging them to seek out agencies, adoption websites, attorneys and facilitators where birthmothers CHOOSE to go to inquire about potential adopting parents.

Answer 8

Jenna who blogs in multiple places about her family and birthmother role was solicited on myspace when she changed her default picture to her pregnant belly shot a few months ago.

http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/04/12/if-i-wasnt-already-nauseous-ew/
http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/04/13/seriously-though-im-beefed/
http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2007/04/17/speak-out-always-speak-out/

Answer 9

it tends to occur more on the pregnancy boards then on the adoption board. the posters solicited generally place a question about a recent pregnancy for which they are seeking advice.

what i tend to see are subtle messages like, "i'm sorry you are facing such a difficult situation... [but] my husband and i can't have our own children and are looking for a baby to love and raise. email me at [e-mail]..."

oh..."birthmothers" who keep their babies for welfare and foodstamps are....MOTHERS, not bmoms, btw:)

Answer 10

yes, they are!

Try it yourself, create an alias, pretend to be a pregnant women considering adoption and see how "solicitations for your baby" that you get.

Its discusting.

Its estimated there are over 2 million couples wanting to adopt, there are only 500,000 children in the foster care system and most of those children don't meet the requirements of the "potential adoptive parents" who only want a white infant. Just over 120,000 children are available for adoption from the foster care system according to: Child Welfare.org
( http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/foster.pdf )

Which starts driving the market to produce a "supply" of children. The demand is so much greater than the supply, it results in predator type prospective adoptive parents hounding pregnant mothers for their unborn children. Its discusting. The act of "adoption" isn't even child centered, its PAP centered. And its a shame.