how many people on here have a long term partner but arent married by long term im thinking at least 5 years or more
i ask because i read a question on here from a woman who had been with her boyfriend 11 years but wasnt married she had loads of comments like try marrage or wheres the ring etc
ive been with my partner 9 years and arent married but im happy with that any one else in a simular situation?
2007-12-27 08:53:06 · 26 answers · asked by kezza 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
yes i have children and i do agree with what you say in that regard but my children all have the same name and are very happy
thanks for the answer
2007-12-27 09:02:57 · update #1
caramac
thanks for the way you put what you did its exactly the same as me and my partner we are refered to as husband and wife lots and dont confirm or deny this
many thanks hun
xx
2007-12-27 09:09:20 · update #2
A true commitment doesn't need a piece of paper, or a ring of gold, a fancy house, or bundles of money (although the last two would help !).
It's all to do with love, loyalty, friendship, truth, honesty etc, and a 'partnership' is just that, it's a 'partnership' in everything within a relationship, taking equal shares, in the household chores, the everyday things, the good/bad times and knowing that even after all the years, you can still see in each other the very 'first day' you met.
After over 20 years... my partner and I try and uphold all of the above, and if when we're out someone calls him my 'husband' or me his 'wife' we smile and acknowledge, but don't confirm either way, we live our lives as we want to and not for the convenience of others.
all the best to you and your partner
a friend x
2007-12-27 09:06:51 · answer #1 · answered by CARAMAC 5 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Some wonderful friends of ours have a similar situation. They have been together for about 8 years. Both are in their late 30's, and have wonderful careers (one is a physicians assistant, and the other is an accountant). They bought a house, had 3 kids (very close together), and they are getting married in the Caribbean in February. The "moms" wanted an elaborate wedding.... It's NOT what they wanted. So to take the stress out if all. They are going to get married without anyone but their children (ages 4,3,2). And yes they did get pregnant on purpose. They just didn't feel a piece of paper made a difference in how they feel about each other, and their life together. They decided to get married, because she (physicians assistant) has decided to go to medical school up North (washington D.C.) They will be living on campus and they HAVE to be married in order to get married/student/family housing. Housing up there is EXPENSIVE!!! So when their house here sells they will be buying another house up there, when she's done with medical school. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
2007-12-27 11:14:50 · answer #2 · answered by Leslie Y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am almost 11 years with my guy. We have both been married before, and both have children from those relationships...but none of our own. (We were in our mid-forties when we met).
I know he would like to get married, but I don't. He has asked me several times, and I always say no...I tell him that as long as I am not compelled to stay with him, I will WANT to stay. In other words, if the door is left open for me, I will be less likely to want to escape!
I see no reason to change things; we own a house together, and are as committed as it possible to be. People often assume we are married....and I just leave it at that. I was only married for 11 years, and it felt like 20. Every day with my guy is a fresh start and sometimes I can hardly believe it is 11 years....and I would be afraid that marriage would ruin a good thing!
2007-12-27 10:29:15 · answer #3 · answered by marie m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What did you do wrong??? Just about everything... 1. You didn't listen to your female radar, and you opted to ignore the obvious!!! Nothing clicked when the guy kept his old wedding pictures in your bedroom? Wow, hon. Any average lady woulda been outa there in minutes.... Hon, he has a personality defect, and you aren't going to change that..... 2. You opted to have a child try to bind up your shaky relationship... never, absolutely never works. Unfair to any child to try to put that responsibility of such a tiny set of shoulders. Children, sweetie, are not bonding in marriages/ relationships.... they are divisive. As my mama always said, "Kids can destroy anything...even a solid marriage." And don't be sad that you lost a pregnancy... the body has a way of ridding itself of defective foetuses. How truly sadder if you then had had a child that would need to be parented FOREVER!!!! And how absolutely mean spirited of him to tell you crap that it was because you were evil... Sweetie, You are doing the correct thing by getting rid of (finally) an abusive guy. Congrats. Now get a few sessions in therapy for some support. Any lady looking at this posting would be asking you, what you EVER saw in such a personality???? Hon, marriages/relationships are Respect, Admiration Passion and Trust---the four biggies. How much of any of these do you have for this guy???? I see none. All I read here is that you saw what you WISHED he were and what you IMAGINED he was... not what he truly represents. You did nothing to "deserve" this except stop thinking---you were in lala land, ..... Now that you have started thinking, get some help so that you don't make a mistake like this with some other guy who as well will treat you poorly...... Get some professional help, hon. The choice of a partner is too important a decision. And this one was one dilly, so you obviously need to start looking with your head as well as your heart, and you don't know how. And there is no shame in learning from a counselor....
2016-05-27 05:46:07 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whenever someone says that they have been together for 5+ years, I would assume that they are married.
Then I would question why they are not married. ITS down to personal choice.
My fiances uncle has been with his woman for 25 years and they are not married.
Maybe I am the sort of person that believes that marriage confirms a relationship and that marriage is a milestone of life, you know like....
get a job, get a house, get a car, get married, start at a family.
Usually as well, people that come from families where the parents were married, they will more than likely get married.
My parents were together for 11 years before they married, they have been together for 30 years now.
2007-12-29 11:47:16 · answer #5 · answered by Rebz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was with my ex for 5+ yrs and finally realized that the reason we never married was bc we were not right for each other. If you love someone that much, USUALLY, you both want to marry but then again, some people just don't want to get married (ever). So everyone is different. You can't go by other people's reasoning on this. If you know that you truely love him and you just don't want to be married right now then don't worry about what other people do. Some reasons people don't marry and prefer a long term relationship are: financial reasons, afraid of divorce or splitting their assets, don't want to settle down etc.
2007-12-27 09:06:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Good for you, but then why are you here in this section - you must have SOME sort of longing in this area!
I think if a couple is mature and serious, they would want to marry if they are planning to have children - and not necessarily for religious reasons or moral factors - but to provide future children with stability and security!
If you have no children or are planning none, then stay shacked up and happy as you are!
2007-12-27 22:18:53 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what matters is whether or not you have a happy, stable homelife. i'm a Christian but i can't in all conscience say that marriage is the only answer. so many people are locked into the whole "husbands must be obeyed, violence has to be tolerated etc" thing, & so many people are really suffering. i think it's up to those involved &, as long as the love, trust & respect are there, a ring doesn't really matter. the ring is only a symbol anyway. hope you had a great Christmas, diane.
2007-12-27 10:07:04 · answer #8 · answered by diquarry 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in long term relationships, I was happy also. But when you start getting older and look back on your life, trust me you are gonna be mad. Right now you're putting your life on hold. i did it I know. Then when I finally left him, I was lost. Been with him for over ten yrs. Never in my life cheated on him.
Girl Boo, that **** is for the birds. I felt as though I had wasted yrs being with this man, whom I loved so much. Now I'm married for 4 yrs.
I sometimes ask myself what if I hadn't let go, I would still be in a relationship with this man.
I made a promise to myself. The next man I get if he doesn't ask to marry me within a yr, the hell with him. It doesn't take a man 10 yrs or more to ask a woman that he's suppose to love to marry him. If I'm good enough to sleep with , I should be good enough for him to marry.
2007-12-27 09:05:05 · answer #9 · answered by Classy Lady 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am not personally in this same situation, but I say if you are happy then that is all that matters. If you are questioning it, ask yourself if in 20-30 years you would have like to stayed not married. But the bottom line is, are you happy? Then good for you!
2007-12-27 09:21:11 · answer #10 · answered by Sugar Magnolia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋