Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half. İt was tumultuous for close to a year because he was lazy and I supported him financially plus he was very jealous. But we were soo attached to each other. İ still stuck it out because İ believed he would outgrow this phase as he is only 20 (now) and I am 21. İ broke up with him several times because he didn't look like he would change. He convinced me and even begged me to come back each time. about 3 months ago İ had a huge crush on one of his old roomates and told him about him just before we broke up. İ slept with this guy once just to get him out of my system (and confessed to my boyfriend about it the next day) and I was doing well until my boyfriend said he forgave me and wanted me back. thing was he changed in these 3 months and he is sweet and much more understanding than before. İ just don't know if I still love him even though we seem to have gotten back together. We are so attached to each other and İ feel so guilty. What should İ do? İf I leave him again İm afraid he'll be torn and I would be torn because we are so emotionally attached. He even wants to marry me and İ need a visa to stay in the country. But another part of me says that this relationship will die in a couple of years and İm so afraid of making a mistake either way. Please help me!!!!
2007-12-27 08:45:46 · 7 answers · asked by leyla a 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would not normally say stay with someone you are not sure you love... but you do need the visa - right? So, what are your other options?
2007-12-27 08:49:28 · answer #1 · answered by astutewoman 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leyla,
Do you really love this guy if you've already called it quits a couple of times AND you slept w/ his friend? Do you really think things will work out? How can you sleeping w/ someone else help his jealousy issues, has it gotten worse? Dont get get me wrong I think you should be free to sleep w/ whoever you want but once you've slept with someone your guy knows you've doomed the relationship.
You are so YOUNG! There are lots of other guys out there. Don't settle for a dead beat just for a visa.
2007-12-27 09:09:39 · answer #2 · answered by SARAH W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you spend some time away from him to decide how you really feel. If you are having doubts now, chances are this guy is totally wrong for you, and honestly, why would you want to waste your life?
Just remember to be honest with how you feel.
there is nothing worse than living a lie or denying yourself happiness.
And, trust me being in a relationship is not the key to being happy in your life.
You must find your fulfillment within yourself. Good luck.
2007-12-27 08:53:10 · answer #3 · answered by Rogue 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It probably won't take a couple years to die, it is alread dead. He will NOT change except for a few weeks at a time. He is caught up in the cycle of abusing you and you are contributing to it. This guy is a loser and is obviously well on the way to ruining your life.
2007-12-27 08:54:57 · answer #4 · answered by Wiz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay so you have to first off know this( I learned this from my bf's mom) you can't ask someone or expect them to change, because if they change it has to be something they think is wrong and I can guarantee he won't change, you need to accept him for who he is, if you don't someone else will! my bf broke up with me after talking with his mom and sister then that same day he dumped me I called and said your right I can't ask you to change because even if u do it will be temporary. I told him I was wrong and now we are back together and I learned to accept him and if I can't then we were not meant to be together. It took me to grow up alot and see what he is and why i love him,its more important then anything else u just need to realize that and move on or accept it
2007-12-27 08:53:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just be very careful. It sounds to me that he is very unstable and could harm you. On one hand, of course he is all changed and wonderful, he wanted you to go back to him. So he will probably go back to his old ways. On the other hand, if you don't love him, which sounds to me like you don't anymore, why be with him?
Now, I understand your immigration problem, but you are young, go to school, fall in love someone who deserves you and loves you. Your current boyfriend doesn't really love you, he is obsessed with you, he has low self-esteem and losing you seems unbearable. If you decide to divorce him after a few years, he could argue that you married him for the papers and not for love and it could bring you more problems later on. To me, the best way to resolve immigration problems is by going to college and studying (plus you usually meet someone in college and you can marry then).
The way you describe your early relationship with him reminds me of my sister and her ex-boyfriend, who was a very nice guy (at first). He was a professional basketball player, but injured himself and couldn't play that season. Next season came and no one wanted him in their team because he had become lazy. My sister never said anything but we figured she must be supporting him somehow, he even used her car all the time, leaving her with no car to go to work or study. She never was allowed to go out with friends and even when she came to visit me for my wedding (out of state), he called her every hour. And if he found that she had turned off her cell phone, he would get upset. She eventually left him and he started harassing her and chasing her around. One of the things he did is that he invited everyone to his own funeral, implying that he was going to commit suicide. He never did. But he even found a way to get into my sister's email account and message boards and similar stuff. My sister had to change her phone number, sold her car, changed emails, etc. She found a very nice man in a couple of months and they are now married. The ex-boyfriend tried to communicate with her about a year ago and she just ignored him.
So, just be very careful with men like that. Also, it is not a bad idea to keep maybe an online journal in which you write down everything with lots of details, just in case something happens that you have proof. I had a friend who did that and she would email herself her online journal entries from one account to another account no one knew about. That way she had proof of the date she wrote it.
Good luck!
2007-12-27 09:32:58 · answer #6 · answered by ivelisse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is one long ass story......but it kinda sounds like your over it...but your just so comfortable with him....do what ever you wanna do....but remember you do need a visa!
2007-12-27 08:56:32 · answer #7 · answered by ...LOST GIRL... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋