my mom...is she a bad parent?

Question

Well its like this, she fights with my dad and always gets me and my younger involved. Saying that we're on her side and ****. My brother never says anything but me and him are thinking the same thing. I just think when parents are fighting, they want to keep that away from their childrens' ears and eyes as best they can....but my mom goes over to us and goes "you agree wit me right?" my dad tells her don't get them involved and she goes "what cuz you know that they know you're wrong?" i seriously think my mom needs some kind of therapy...when i lied about bringng home my boyfriend's jacket she said "i can't stand this we're moving out of this country" she overreacts to everything! she tells me "don't fnd a guy like ur father" tells my brother "dont become like your dad" what can i do to change her from being like this? how can i help her relax and mend my parent's relationship?

for their anniversary me, my dad, and my brother went to the jeweler to get my mom a gift...that night she said..."i don't like it, take it back, where's the recept?" i saw the sadness in my dad's eyes and all he said was "ahaha i told them you might not like it" my brother was complaning how my dad got her diamonds and stuff....but she didn't care...:\ why is she like this? she talks about how he makes her life miserable and she regrets ever meeting him and getting married to him...

Answer 1

First off, you can't mend your parents' relationship,so don't even try. This is between them & she should keep it that way. It's incredibly unfair of her to try to use you & your brother as leverage. Next time when your parents are fighting, just say what you feel plainly. Tell her that you don't agree with her, but you aren't agreeing with your father either. Make sure to tell her that you don't appreciate her doing this to the two of you. Even if you don't do it this way, make sure to tell your mom how you feel. If you can't tell her straight out, talk to another person that you trust that knows your mom, such as a relative or a friend.

If you find that your parents divorce, you & your brother can specify which parent you want to live with. The courts will take that into consideration when deciding who should get the kids. Most times they will put the children with whichever parent the kids want to live with.

EDIT:

Your mom is pretty bad. I think that you need to talk to your dad about all of this & let him know that you are behind him, not her. Make sure that if you want to stay with him in the case of a divorce that you let him know this. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. My mom used my sisters & I as weapons when she divorced my dad, but not nearly as badly as this.

Answer 2

Aw sweetie, I'm so sorry you have to live like this. Please know you are not alone and that your mom is not trying to hurt you or your brother.

From the things you have said it sounds like your mom is hurting really bad and might even feel like her life is out of control. It's too bad for her and your dad. Maybe they can get therapy from someone.

It's important for you to remember that you are the kid here and there is not anything you can do to fix mommy or daddy. Just let her know you love her and try not to tell anymore lies ok?. She did over react yes but the point is that you should not lie either.

Also, spend some quality time with her. Ask her if you can just spend some time with her alone. If it gets real bad calmly ask her to try not to put your dad down to you.

Take care of yourselves, if you don't belong to a church try going to one with a youth group or prayer meetings.

Just a few suggestions to help you all thru this. If you feel like you can talk straight to mom ask her if she might talk to someone. But remember it will need to be her choice here.

Good luck sweetheart.

Answer 3

Correct....Parents' fighting should not involve the children. Tho it too often, does.
Your mom may be unhappy. Perhaps she needs to find out what it is that may be making her unhappy. Moms tend to be more involved in family matters than dads.
And ANY form of lying is NOT a good idea. Tho, I cant imagine why your mom would make such a comment......Unless she's originally from another country. At any rate, she needs to speak to your dad about her feelings.
BEFORE the argument erupts.

Answer 4

Your mom is stressing big time. I think she needs some anger management courses.
You and your brother should understand that she is resentful of your dad about something, and she's not being fair in pushing this on you two. You sound like smart kids, you'll be able to figure out right from wrong no matter what she says.

Answer 5

I would not call your mother a bad parent more like stressed, has previous issues and is experiencing depression, and is confused about what is more appropriate to do. It is truly not constructive to involve children in discussions and pressure them to choose sides. All I would recommend to help her is sit down with her and ask what is bothering her as well as express what bothers you. Be willing to hear her out and do not treat it like "putting her on the hot seat." Treat it like a discussion between yourselves to find out what may hurt you or her. Regarding her marriage, you have done all that you can do and you should not place more pressure on yourself trying to mend the damage between her and her husband. At the end of the day, as much as a therapist or marriage couseler would help, nothing replaces creating true bonds with your parents or family members. Listening to one another is the best place to start.

Answer 6

That is pretty horrible, does she work or stay home?
maybe she feels resentment towards him if she stays home cause she gets bored and is alone all the time. She still shouldnt get you involoved. that should stay between them. I fell bad for your dad - especially with the aniversary present. It shows that he was at least trying. I would say sit down and be brutally honest with her and maybe recommend counseling, but Im not sure how shed respond to that. She does need to work out her problems with someone though. It wouldnt hurt to mention I guess.
best of luck with everything. make sure you show your dad that you are there and do love him. It must be tough.

Answer 7

You cant change her. You just cant. I know the feeling to an extent and there is nothing that we can do for another human being that is better then just loving them. Hugs, kind words, stuff like that. what ever does it for her. Protect your brother as best you can. tell him its not supposed to be this way. Be patient, gentle, and when you look back you will know you did all you could. Dont lie to her either. That wont help. Good luck.

Answer 8

It is not your fault. You should talk to someone about it. Your brother, and your dad, and a counselor at school. You will not find your answer here on Yahoo. It is not about your mom being a bad parent, it is about taking care of yourself. Ask a teacher that you trust for help. Good luck.

Answer 9

Have youe ever sat down and talked to your dad about this. I think he must be harboring some feelings that he could express to you and give you some advice better than some people on the internet. There is more going on here than what you think. There is a reason why she has this resentment towards him......he would know, we would not.

Answer 10

try talking to ur mom about this and then talk 2 ur dad then hav a family meeting and all of u guys talk including u and brother if ur mom and dad fite i it may b sad but i think it is time 4 divorce :(