Assorted wedding planning questions?

Question

I have a few questions about planning my wedding.

First, I'm going to have a very long engagement--probably 3 years. (I want to wait until I get started with med school.) When should I start the actual planning? About a year before the wedding or what?

Second, what happens first: picking attendants or making a guest list? I know that traditionally the number of guests determines how many bridesmaids/groomsmen there are...

Third, both my fiance and I have small immediate families. I only have one sibling, a brother. Is there any kind of etiquette that expects my fiance to ask my brother to be a groomsman? Should I just give my brother something else to do, or should I ask my fiance to make him a groomsman?

Answer 1

i don't know if there is ettiquette but i think its common courtesy to include your brother...also...start planning now...like rent the venues at least...that way you can jot down ideas

Answer 2

1) If you want to start looking at venues, it never hurts to start early. You never know how soon popular places will book up. You should book the date a year in advance, since you have the option.

2) Pick your attendants. Get a general idea of how many guests your budget can take, and i'm sure you both have a general idea of how many family members you'll be inviting, but ultimately there is nothing wrong with a few or a lot of bridesmaids. It may look funny to have 50 people at your wedding and 8 bridesmaids, but if you keep it around 4 or 5, your guest list shouldn't matter.

3) You should ask your finace to make your brother a groomsman, unless you're having a VERY small wedding (less than 50) and perhaps you're only having 1 or 2 attendants.

Answer 3

Hi and congratulations!

Yes, I would say about a year or year and a half would be good. Unless, you live in a city and want a specific venue for your reception....sometimes they DO book up 2 years in advance, so think about that when planning.

I only have one question/suggestion. Are you sure you want to wait until you are in medical school? I know a few people that went to medical school and you will NOT have 2 minutes to yourself...much less be able to have a wedding. There will be no honeymoon, etc. I am not trying to discourage you, but you may want to get married the summer BEFORE you start medical school.

Anyway....yes, 1-1/2 to 2 years is early enough to start planning.

I think you can have a big guest list and only a few attendants if that is what you want. And, likewise, you can have a very small guest list and many attendants. Yes, traditionally, if it is a bigger wedding, there are more in the wedding party. But it is not written in stone. You can do what you want.

Your brother: yes, I would want him to be a groomsman if it was MY brother. But it's up to you. If you are not that close to him, possibly he can be an usher or do a reading. It is totally up to you and how close you are to him.

Good luck with your plans!

Answer 4

Don't do a thing til a year before. TOO many things can change in such a long time.
You choose attendants first, but it's way too early to ask people. Just remember the attendants are for BOTH you and your fiance, so your fiance should know it would be nice to ask your brother to be a groomsman. If it's not appropriate, maybe he could do a reading or be an usher.
The guest list numbers totally depends upon the style of wedding you plan and how much you and he can afford to pay yourselves. You've got lots of time to save money!

Answer 5

1- You can start looking around for venues now, but almost everything else can wait until you are about 18 months out.

2- The size of the reception has nothing to do with the number of attendants. I would not ask people now. A lot can happen in three years, and you will probably want to make changes between now and then. Wait until about a year before the wedding to ask anyone.

3- Your brother need not be an attendant, but again, this is not a decision that needs to be made now.

Answer 6

Advanced planning can only help you in the long run - especially if you will be in med school when the wedding takes place.
I am starting about 2 years ahead. I also have family that lives outside the country so I really need to be able to give them specifics on date/time/location so they can make arrangements well in advance should they want to attend.
I am already looking at venues so I can be 100% sure to get the date I want.
I have looked at gowns, but have not put a deposit on any. I am figuring out what I like.
My fiance & I did the attendants & guest list at the same time. This is a major thing in determining what size reception place you need/want.
Some people pull everything off in a short time, and I think its great for them. I am enjoying the planning and finding it comforting to be arranging things so far in advance. It will allow me to give an attention to the details that I my fiance & I want.
Maybe you don't need to start out right now, but gathering ideas of what you like cannot hurt.

Answer 7

1. Depending on what time of year you desire to get married and if you want to top, "exclusive" reception venues; usually the earlier the better. For the most part, if you're willing to look around, a year is plenty of time.
If you'll be in med school during wedding planning, maybe stretch it out so that you don't have to tackle too much at once!

2. Your attendants are the people who are near and dear to your heart and you want to stand up in support of you while you say your vows. That being said, it is typical to base the number of attendents at least slightly on the guest list size; because if you're only inviting 50 people and you each have 6 or 7 attendents, that knocks the "congregation" down to 36-38... that might make it look a little disproportionate, but its really up to you!

3. It is considered a common courtesy for you and your fiance to have one person from your partner's family or close friend (if they're not close to family) as a sign that your friends and families are supporting you both and you're embracing them.
However, if you chose to only have a maid of honor and he only wants a best man, then it is perfectly acceptable to not ask your brother.
If you'd like your brother to be a groomsman, then ask your fiance if he'd feel comfortable including him in that role... if he doesn't then give your brother another role in the wedding! Don't push it with your fiance... there are enough little things to pick at during the wedding planning! ;-)

ENJOY planning your wedding! It's one of the best times of your life! Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 8

To address your first question...I want to first mention that medical school will be quite stressfull in itself..as will planning a wedding...with that in mind, you may want to try to do the majority of the wedding planning prior to starting medical school and have your mother or maid of honor available and willing to help you with the loose ends from the time medical school starts until your wedding date. Lots of things can be done well ahead of time like choosing and buying your wedding gown...just be sure your weight does not fluctuate too much or buy it a little big and wait until about 6 months before the wedding date to have any alterations done. You can also choose and purchase your bridesmaids dresses in this same manner.

Typically, yes, the # of bridesmaids does depend on the # of guests...but if you know exactly who you want to be bridesmaids and you said you and your fiance both have small families...then unless you have an overwhelming amount of friends and extended family you should be safe with choosing your bridesmaids and finalizing the # of guests about a year out when you make a final decision on the location of the ceremony and the reception site....those will have a huge impact on the # of guests.

Your fiance is not obligated to ask your brother to be a groomsman....although many grooms do...especially when the bride to be has only one brother. But you can always ask him to be an usher if the groom has brothers, cousins or best friends that he wants to be groomsmen.

Answer 9

1) Start planning your wedding now. Start thinking of ideas that you want and who you want to be there. Set a date (yes set it for 3 years in advance) For me its never to early to start planning if you are going to wait until you start med school start thinking now so your stress level isn't through the roof later when you need to concentrate on school.
2) Think of who you want to be in your wedding party compare that to your fiances friends and who he wants in the wedding. But you wouldn't have a wedding without the attendants so sit down and start writing people down that you want to be there. Make your fiance do that same throughout the years add people as needed.
3) I think your brother should be a groomsman unless your fiance has too many friends that he wants in the wedding then I would give him a very important job to do so he can play a role in the wedding. It sounds like you and your brother are close so I would have him play a role so you don't hurt his feelings. He is your brother and he would want to be there playing a part in the wedding.

Answer 10

We were told that all the siblings belong in the wedding party. We set ours up with both of our brothers and his sister, with my best friend included to even things out. His sister decided that she didn't want to be in our wedding (she and her husband dated for 7 years, and we dated a little over a year. She was mad that we got married first) so I had two friends and he had the two brothers. My brother is the only one we ever see.

My brother and his wife didn't have a wedding party. He's been "best man" in probably a dozen weddings, she only has brothers, and I'm the only sister. They had my mom and her dad sign the marriage license.

Do what you want to do. It's your wedding....don't let people tell you who to have for attendants!

Answer 11

Its never to early to start picking a venue for your wedding and reception. The good places and times, get taken fast. Typically I have heard one bridesmaid or groomsman for every 100 people invited. But in my opinion I say do what you want, if you want 10 bridesmaids, go for it. And yes it would be great to have your brother as a groomsmen. Good Luck and Congrats.