Ok...he has a real mom who he is close with. Well, his step mom happens to live close to us so we see her alot. Our wedding is coming up and I asked her to put together a guest list from her side and her husbands side (which is my fiance's dad). she has taken forever so my fiance and i sat down and made the guest list. I told her we had and I already had everyones address...she got really snotty (which is her nature) and proceeded to tell me I didnt....that i didnt have her brother's wifes parents did i? and i said no...and she was like see you dont have everyone........ok my guest list is already around 300 and that is just with close family and friends....im not going to invite her sister-in-laws parents who my fiance does not even know!!!!! are you kidding me! Our rule is...if we have never met you or talked to you within the last year....sorry no invite...our wedding is big enough! How do I explain this to her!? HELP!
2007-12-27 08:03:19 · 16 answers · asked by 8 mo old baby girl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
oh and my parents are paying for the wedding
2007-12-27 08:12:16 · update #1
oh and my parents are paying for the wedding
2007-12-27 08:12:24 · update #2
well mine and his familys are HUGE! and we are only inviting immediate family from our sides and that is how we are with hers too....her brother and all their children are invited and her parents too. My parents are footing the bill and I dont think we should have to cut our guest list to fit her family we dont know...and I understand parents want to show off for their son/daughter's wedding...but it is our wedding and at the wedding I want to know EVERYONE.....i dont want to awkwardness of saying..."what's your name again" or "how are we related"?
2007-12-27 08:17:04 · update #3
she isnt my step mom...she is his step mom
2007-12-27 08:28:01 · update #4
It sounds like you are going to have just tell her that you have a very large immediate family, and you can only invite so many people due the venue size...so anyone we have never met or seen within the past couple of years is not going to be able to attend.
NO matter what you do, you are going to have to deal with her snotty attitude about it. Weddings are a "parents" chance to show off in alot of ways, so they can get really offended if they can't invite everyone under the sun. We had the same issue with the guest list.
Just be direct and polite and don't let her carry on.
2007-12-27 08:12:00 · answer #1 · answered by SisterSue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right. It is kind of ridiculous to invite them. I can understand her brother & his wife attending.. but why in the world does the wife's parents need to attend?! Especially if you have never even met the people. I think you and your fiance should sit down with her and explain the enormity of the wedding guest list already. Explain to her that you need to cutdown on only the most important people. Explain to her that you do not have all the proper food, seating, etc to accomodate a vast size of people. Let her know that you have just enough for the guest list that you have already discussed with your fiance. If she inisits on more people attending even after you have talked to her. Then, I would let her know that if she wishes to contribute to the wedding costs to provide for these people - then you would be more than happy to invite them to your wedding. However, if not.. then they cannot attend because you and your fiance just cannot provide for that many people. This is a big day for you two and you should not be stressed over silly things like this!
2007-12-27 08:14:58 · answer #2 · answered by HRiCHxO 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her plain and simple that the guest list has already been done and that you have a limit and you've already reached it. Since your parents are paying for the wedding she doesn't have any right to demand anything.
There is no real "nice way" of telling someone they can't invite the people they want to. Unless she's going to offer to pay for her extra additions she is out of luck on this one.
One day she'll get over it hopefully but just from what you described I doubt she will...try to concentrate on your day and ignore her as nicely as possible...and trust me i know that's easier said than done.
I just got engaged too and I know EXACTLY how you feel girl.
Congratulations on your wedding!!!
2007-12-27 09:08:56 · answer #3 · answered by cal_gal_81 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because you aren't paying for the wedding and your family is they are limited on money and can only afford ex number of people and because your family and his family is so huge that there are really people that you just can't cut out of being invited to the wedding. So because of that and because the hall only holds ex number of people are are max out on budget and the number of people. You are deeply and truely sorry. (Now the only way around that would be that if they throw in money but i wouldn't allow that either because like you said you don't really know them. Remember this is your day and your wedding you can have anyone you want there.)
2007-12-27 08:58:04 · answer #4 · answered by Starsky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I did was give each couple (my parents and his parents) a set number of guests or tables. They each got to invite 40 persons (individual or 20 couples), no questions asked. We had the rest of the guests-- we invited immeidate family and our own personal friends; which we made our count be 145. After that, you no invited; but within reason, you and the fiance need the names and addresses by certain date to mail out.
2007-12-27 08:17:49 · answer #5 · answered by Brandee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my family when the bride & her family plan her wedding, they figure out how many guests they can afford, split that no in half...they take their half & decide who to invite, and the groom's parents supply them with a list of who on the groom's side they are to invite...if there's any flack over someone on the groom's side not being invited, that's the groom's parent's headache..lol....
It's really up to the bride,groom and their parents who gets invited, not the step mother as it isn't her child getting amrried. If their room for her sister-in-law's parents, fine...but that invite is quite a stretch anyway.......the step-mom parents should come before any sister-in-law's relatives.....and you don't have to explain anything to her...just tell her there weren't enough seats to include strangers to you and your husband.......and to take the issue up with your parents, who I asume are hosting the wedding..betcha she won't.....
2007-12-27 11:40:52 · answer #6 · answered by The Original GarnetGlitter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't - he does.
"SM, it's important to us to have people at our wedding who love and support us, and who we feel close to. We will not be inviting anyone that we haven't seen or spoken with in the last year, from either side of the family."
or more simply,
"SM, we asked for your list X months ago. You didn't provide it, so we went with what we had. We are unable to accommodate any more guests."
When she protests, just keep saying, "I'm afraid that's not possible." - don't give reasons (i.e. budget concerns) because she'll try to find a way around them. Just stick with, "that won't be possible" and variations thereof.
The important thing is that it comes from HIM, speaking for BOTH of you.
2007-12-27 09:21:12 · answer #7 · answered by ill_be_phd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since your parents (one of whom is her husband) are paying . . . Here is an idea for a compromise. Give her the list you have come up with (her relatives that you know and would want to invite). Then tell her she can add 5 or 10 people (or some other number you are OK with). Tell her that due to space, you must limit the # you can have her include, but that you do want to give her the option of adding a few names to the list.
Hopefully this will appease her and not have you & your hubby with a zillion people you don't know in attendance.
2007-12-27 08:25:35 · answer #8 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This all depends on who is footing the bill! My mom and step-dad paid for my wedding so that I could avoid strife and do things MY way. My mom is awesome and very understanding. :) If she and your dad are helping to pay for the wedding, you should accomodate her guest list WITHIN reason!!! If there's someone on her list that you disagree with, discuss it with her. If she's not paying for it, then forget her. Its YOUR wedding and someone else's dollar!!!
2007-12-27 08:12:24 · answer #9 · answered by Katie G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in the journey that your dad & step mom are assisting pay for the marriage it quite is functional to place her on there i did, yet my step-mom and that i've got began getting alongside interior the previous few years (could no longer stand one yet another from the time i grow to be 8 or 9 till i grow to be 18...the day i graduated from extreme college a swap flipped and she or he have been given advantageous so we've been reliable for 8 years now) the invite seems somewhat wordy - my mom, dad & step mom...yet they're all on there because of the fact they're all assisting pay for this wedding ceremony...i do say, "[the three of them] invite you to the marriage of their daughter..." yet you may desire to easily say. "[the three of them] invite you to the marriage of [your call]..." so which you're actually not in any way announcing you're her daughter if she's assisting foot the bill she has earned the ideal to be on the invite, yet whilst no longer, then no..yet then no person else that doesn't help out financially could desire to be on there the two once you're asking in case you may desire to invite her, specific, in simple terms out of appreciate on your father
2016-10-09 06:21:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋