hey I believe my son who is (23) is to young to be thinking marrying a young lady?

Question

he keeps repeatinig he will marry in 2008 how should I address this ..

Answer 1

I don't think there is anything wrong in voicing your opinion like "I think you are too young, but will support you in your decision."

But, once the decision is made (and it sounds like it already is) then be supportive.

When my Mother married...her aunt told her what a mistake she was making and that she was too young (she was 21) and all that. After 45 years of being happily married her aunt is finally willing to concede that my Mother was right in her choice.

Answer 2

23 doesn't sound to young to marry at all. If he's in love and he wants to get married just let him. My parents got married when my mom was 21 and my dad was 24. Personally I plan on marrying young also.

What it boils down to is that you don't really get to choose how your son lives his life. I know that you're worried out of your mind about him and that you're afraid he's going to make a huge mistake, but you need to trust him. Trust that he knows what he's doing, and that he's going to be happy in whatever he decides.

Talk to him. Tell him you're worried about him and that you only want him to be happy. But make sure you don't offend him by telling him he's too young and that he doesn't know what he's doing. This will only increase his determination, and make him all the more eager to prove you wrong. Just have him explain why he wants to do this, an share your views on it as well. Really listen to each other, and I'm sure things wil all work out.

Answer 3

If you truly think your son isn't capable to getting married, you need to sit and talk with him.

Don't listen to people who say, "your son is an adult, let him do what he wants."

Yes, he is an adult. But, that doesn't mean you should stop him from making a mistake. You don't stop parenting because your child is over 18.

I know very few 23 year old men that are truly ready to get married. We don't know your son, so we can't say he is. All these people saying "let him do it," might have different opinions if they meet him.

Sit him down and talk to him. Does he have a plan regarding supporting himself and his new wife. Does he have the resources? A steady job? health insurance? etc?

I think you seem like a good parent to be worried about your son making a life-alterating (and life lasting) mistake. Maybe if more parents were concerned about their adult children's welfare, the divorce rate would be lower.

Advice and intervention doesn't have an age limit.

Answer 4

Well that the age many people get married at. Its normal for a mother to feel like her son is being taken away. Just because hes getting married doesn't mean he's going to have children right away. Dont worry. If your son is truly in love every thing will be fine.Just let him know that this is one of those decisions that can affect his whole life.

Answer 5

Step back and think of your true feelings about him leaving the nest. Or if he lives on his own,what are the chances it would be worse to marry someone and settle down? He is a grown man and should be able to make his own decisions now. Just because you don't agree with him at this time,let him find out on his own and discover what life would be like. Is it that you don't like his girlfriend? Many people see only the outside of others (which is the true reflection of themselves) and not take a look on the inside.

I'm speaking from experience

Answer 6

People are going to do what they want to do. As a parent you have to make him realize the pros and the cons for getting married at a young age and let him figure it out himself. It'll be a hard lesson learned but sometimes that what people have to go through to learn that lesson. But you cant force him not to do anything, just be supportive and let him make his own mistakes. He'll appreciate you more for being there for him and letting him make his own grown up decisions. Good luck!

Answer 7

Say nothing. He's an adult, and is old enough to make his own decisions. If you have given him a good enough background he will make the right choices. We all do things our parents wish we wouldn't, and we don't always do things in the time frame that our parents would want for us. But if you are loving and supportive and accepting of his decisions, you will keep the lines of communication open. And that is the most important thing.

Answer 8

You've raised him to be the best he can be and make good decisions in his life: all you can do is let him go and spread his wings. It's HIS turn to fly and if thats the choice he wants to make, then support it.

I'm 21 and moving to SoCal (I live in ID right now) so my H2B and I can continue our lives together since he's in the Navy. My parents are sooooooooooooo against it, it's not even to be discussed. It hurts to know that they dont' even support me on it, even if they dont' agree. But the more they tell I'm not going, the more I am not talking about it and going to do it. I'm making the decision to move for HIM AND I, not my parents well being. I have to please myself and I believe this is the time to start out on my own.

I hope you can learn to let it go and hope he can fly on his own. He's an adult now and will make his own choice weather your approve or not. Didn't you do that at his age?

Answer 9

Don't address it. Let him get married if he screws up his life, still love him and be there to pick up the pieces (if needed) but alot of us young adults need to learn the hard way (if indeed he is making a mistake)

Answer 10

Well if he's just setting a deadline for himself then perhaps you should address that he shouldn't rush into it and that he should find the right person. I know you are his mother, but he's an adult and can make decisions for himself. If he's with someone that he loves, then you should trust that he can make the decision. Even if you don't agree with them. It will either work out or he will learn from his mistakes.