2007-12-27 06:42:05 · 18 answers · asked by clifford s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
depends on how old he is
2007-12-27 06:44:37 · answer #1 · answered by jezzabell 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is there a reason he has to know? Is bio-dad coming back into the picture? Has he been rejected by the man he thinks is dad? Has (step)dad adopted him?
Does the man who he thinks is dad know? If (step)dad doesn't know, there's not point in burdening the boy with that info.
If (step)dad does know, then both you and the man he thinks of as dad need to sit down together with him and tell him. You also need to be honest and tell him why you have let him believe otherwise and why you are telling him now. If you can't or aren't prepared to answer him honestly, don't waste your time until you are ready to tell him everything.
2007-12-27 15:21:04 · answer #2 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't think there's any easy way to do that. But you really need to add some details there. Such as how old is your son ? Are you and his fake dad still together, or not ? Does he know his real dad, and do you even know his real dad.
Anyway, you need to tell him before he finds out on his own, because that would just be horrible for you and him, and it will ruin your relationship.
Sure, he'll be mad at you for not ever telling him that before, but he'll get over it as long as he know's you told him and he didn't discover it some other way. That's a hard situation though, I wish you luck.
2007-12-27 14:48:05 · answer #3 · answered by brittany 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how old your son is and how he will take it. Is it absolutely necessary that he knows? I mean, is it the only father he has ever known? Hopefully he will be old enough to understand the situation. Just explain to him honestly how his real dad went out of the picture and his new dad came in the picture. Answer any questions he may have because it is necessary for him to cope with his feelings.
2007-12-27 14:46:23 · answer #4 · answered by Aubrey A 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've personally had this happen to me and it was me who brought up the subject and coaxed the truth out of my mom. I was 15 at the time.
For me, it was shocking and I was flabbergasted for a long time, but as time went by, I gained an even greater respect for my father who did all the hard work of raising me. He even named me after himself which shows how fully he accepted me as his own.
I was lost as to why my mom didn't tell me earlier, but I had to realize that this situation wasn't about just me. She just didn't know how to approach the subject or how I'd react. It is a tricky situation knowing when and how to break that piece of information to a son or daughter.
Depending on your son's age, I would sit him down and let him know that you have something to tell him and tell him and be open to any questions he has. Make sure he knows that his father (not the sperm doner) loves him no less now that he knows.
2007-12-27 14:51:29 · answer #5 · answered by Phienyxx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
with as much clear information as possible. stop the lie as early and easily as you can. when people find out they cannot trust their parents then they feel they cannot trust anyone. tell him the truth of his father. how you got pregnant and what happened to him then and give as much information as possible of where he is now. explain that his dad now is his real dad and his biological father is just that - his biological father. actually, it might be easier if his new dad tells him this. this way he knows he can trust him and depend on him and dad will always to be honest and there for him. he will feel that new dad is the best option he has. he will feel like his new dad stepped up to the plate for him and not for you.
2007-12-27 14:48:16 · answer #6 · answered by honey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not an easy situation to be in. But tell him that although he is not his blood father he is still his dad and loves him. It's not easy you just have to be gentle and tell him while reassuring him that biologically it's not his father but emotionally and mentally he is. It's better to tell him now then to let him find out on his own. He'll only be angry and resentful with you if he finds out that way. Good luck.
2007-12-27 14:47:05 · answer #7 · answered by ash 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him soon, and just be honest with him. I wish I knew how old your son is. But I guess it really doesn't matter. B/C in the long run it will hurt worse, and he will resent you. So do the right thing by telling him.
2007-12-27 14:53:46 · answer #8 · answered by Classy Lady 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should start by telling him that the man he thinks is his fateher loves him so much he raised him even though, hes not his biological son. after that, state the reason that the sperm donater isnt in the picture and he is. he may get upst.
ps make sure the other man is in the room, and let him tell his side of the story
2007-12-27 14:47:04 · answer #9 · answered by Mo! 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey this can be a really difficult issue. make sure you get full support from you husband on this one too. You can start when early when he is still growing up. make sure your husband is there too to reassure that now matter what happens he is still his son. When he grows up he can start to understand it. When he gets older then its his decision if he still wants to contact his father. Be supportive also. Be there during his ball games, take him out for ice cream or so on. remember, it really takes a true man to be a real father!
2007-12-27 14:55:28 · answer #10 · answered by Terry V 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why must you tell him?
His dad is the person who is in his life, who sees his ballgames, who's at the birthday party, who spends Christmas with him, who signs his report card, etc.
You have sperm donor confused with dad.
2007-12-27 14:47:32 · answer #11 · answered by pinky 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋