in the month of october i made a choice and moved in with my fiance once he asked me to marry him. problem is that he still lives with his sister and her fiance (there getting married in sept.2008) he told me we get our own place but its been months now and im growing impatient. i really wanna start school and have a family (im always thinking about having a baby) i even wanna get a small dog. over and over we spoke about this but he always says "in given time" now im regretting even moving in or saying yes to his proposal. i tell him im moving back to my parents house and he whines and begs for me to stay (dumb me i do) now i dunno what to do. i feel hes trapping me from moving on with my life. hes a car salesman that works everyday from 7-8 except for wednsdays. so its not like hes there all the time. im currently looking for a job because i moved here and left everything behind just for him...now i feel it wasnt worth it...
any advice is good please give me something to learn from.
2007-12-27 05:57:26 · 38 answers · asked by Mrs.Durossndamaken 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
he works 7am to 8pm/yes i love him/
thanks for all your advice its gonna be hard to pick the best one..
2007-12-27 06:20:44 · update #1
you need to get outta there while you still can. Who cares what his reaction is, b/c you know what? i highly doubt its gonna change. Don't pay attention to him crying and whining. By telling him that you're moving back to your parents house is the first step in your plans, and now you just have to implement what you're going to do. Let him deal with what you have told him. If he's not gonna listen to ya, then kick him to the curb b/c you don't need a dude like that.
2007-12-27 08:24:28 · answer #1 · answered by dkny_luvr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to give you the best advice, but it will likely not be what you want to hear. Slow down and stop rushing things....especially having a baby. Now is no where close to the time of having a baby between the two of you. Finish school completely before you try to conceive and do so after the two of you are married for a few years. You have the rest of your life to do these things, and the worst mistakes are made by rushing into these. That is the last thing youw ant to do, trust me on that! The two of you do need to move into your own place though. Start with that. Once you accomplish this, then take on the next thing....keep yourself focused on your schooling. Then possibly get a dog. Get your career started for at least a year before bringing a child into the world. Things do take time, and this is what you need at this time. It would be the worst thing to have a child before getting everything else settled first. Stay on him about moving into your own place. If he has not been saving money or beginning to make plans for this in at least a month of living there, then it is likely your cue to move on with your life. If it has to be without him, then so be it. Do not let him hold you back anymore or you will live to regret that as well. Don't just sit around and wait on him. Go ahead and start back to school while living there. Start getting your own life together while he is saving up for a place. It is likely if you begin working instead of schooling, then you will be less likely to go back to school. This is bc you will feel like you need the money more than you need the schooling at that time. Then you will put it off until it is too late. You do not want to do that.
2007-12-27 06:08:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow this sounds like a recipe for things being uncomfortable and stressful. I can only imagine how his sister and brother-in-law-to-be feel about all this.
If it were me, I would just make plans to move back home and let things kind of fall where they may. This isn't a great way to start things off, and you're not even married yet.
I guess though that if you really love him, and want to stay with him, he needs to give you a more solid plan than just "someday" for these things to happen. He sounds like a workaholic, which might make good money, but which would leave you alone a lot. I don't know really what makes you happy, that's something you'll have to decide, but living there with him might be making it harder to figure things out. If its really love and you go back home for a while, it shouldn't make things change.
Oh... do not not not not have a baby yet... if you bring a little person into this world, they are dependent on you for everything, and you HAVE to get things really settled before you put a little blessing in that position.
What did your parents say about him? Or friends?
2007-12-27 06:10:51 · answer #3 · answered by Trin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I moved once for a fiancee, worst decision of my life!! But he was an idiot and very indecisive. This guy sounds like he's doing his best, hopefully you'll find a job soon and then your outlook on the situation might change. It maybe that the whole shock of moving and now being unemployed is traumatic to you and you're projecting that onto the relationship. If this is your only problem with the relationship give it some time and see if your feelings change. Also why don't you try sit down with your fiancee, let him know that you know he's doing his best but you're feeling uncomfortable with the living arrangement ( be calm and collected and not at all emotional that just causes guys to shut down). Let him know you're really considering going back to your parents but that you love him and want this to work out, then give him a time limit. That will really light a fire under him if not then you're free to move on with your life without feeling that you didn't give the relationship a real chance.
2007-12-27 06:05:03 · answer #4 · answered by trinisugar 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop giving in to him and pack your bags. This is a bad situation all around. From the fact that he is living with his sister to the fact that he isn't around. It sounds like he wants to control you and the best way to do that is have you living under his roof. You need to step back and start over. Your priorities are out of whack. First of all you need to be on you own or back with your family then go to school and get an education, find a job, find a relationship that works both ways, get married and then move in together and then have children. Most research proves that living together before you are married does not bode well for a great marriage. Most end in divorce after a very short time. Right now you need to take care of YOU and it sounds like you are looking for your happiness through him, marriage and baby. You have to find happiness in yourself. It can't be found through others.
Good Luck!
2007-12-27 06:07:05 · answer #5 · answered by Gailey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Miss, you're learning right now. Don't do it again! Apparently, you did not finish with school, big mistake. If something were to happen with the two of you, what would you fall back on? You're letting him do the work, meaning you're not doing you either. He can work to do for both of you, but you need a back up plan, what are you going to do for you individually? It probably wasn't worth it. Make your move now, get your priorities straight, before it's too late. Because time does run out. Apologize, tell him you have to work on YOU. Move back with your parents, everything is usually free, less stress maybe. When he has his priorities straight, then think of marriage, then think of the baby, then think of the dog, because right now you both are trying to build a foundation of of nothing. So start off with something, work on both of your lifes, then think marriage and the American dream. Honey, you are getting ready to mount a rollercoaster, or if you have it's ready to go downhill and rock you out the seat. Think about you, for you. You are in a cage, and allowing him to manipulate you with the "baby please." I've watched my sisters life go down the potty hole, and let me tell you, not too great. 2 kids, working full time at night, I watch the kids if I can, all her money goes to her rent, and guys have walked out on her like nothing. So get that butt moving. Good luck.
2007-12-27 06:08:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lived with my fiance at his sisters house for about a half a year. She's married with 2 kids and 2 obnoxious pitbulls- it was hard! We made it through though. What you need to do is get on your feet about finding you guys a place of your own. If he's obviously not doing it fast enough you need to find a job and save every penny and get yourselves your own place. But I have got to say it sounds like you're rushing him about things like a baby or dog. Slow down you don't even have your own place yet! Get yourselves on your feet before you start worrying about starting a family.
2007-12-27 06:28:37 · answer #7 · answered by Alexa's mommy ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have to admit that it has been 2 months since you moved in with him for me it's not the longest time, i think you toughed you were going to be happily ever after and guess what? it only happens in the movies. Talk to him and tell him you want to work and make your own money. and maybe putting together what the two of you make you might get soon have your own place. But by the way you wrote to me it's like you don't love him. That's why you just gave him two months to change his entire life two. I waited 6 years to get married because my husband and I were so young and we couldn't afford our own place the minute we got it we got married.
2007-12-27 06:06:03 · answer #8 · answered by MJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on girly, theres a saying in spanish, translated it means, everything that starts wrong ends wrong. Start fresh, I wouldn't suggest just "living" with a guy. Why get the cow if you can get the milk for free...... You realize your mistake, at least you can fix it, you have an opportunity not many people see. usually its five years two kids later...oops. right now you have no baggage, you can still find mr. right, or at least mr. alright, and you don't feel like you "have" to settle for anything less than you deserve. Round up you courage, gather your pride, say goodbye to your mistake, and thank God you have the opportunity to do this without hurting any innocent children. good luck!
2007-12-27 06:08:17 · answer #9 · answered by Unknown 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well we live and learn. I would look for a job and starting looking for a place that ya'll can move in together, start showing him apartments, be proactive about looking for a place instead of leaving it all to him. Maybe if he sees how serious you are about this then he will take it serious also. And if that doesn't work then i say give him an ultimatium, a bottom time line to move out and if he can't hold up to that i say get out, he's not worth it.
2007-12-27 06:01:12 · answer #10 · answered by Amy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋