My wife is smart. She can run businesses and do a million things I can't on the comuter. 5 years ago she said I could take a break from work and follow my dreams and she'd do the bills if I did the house. But for the last 3 years she has gotten more and more absent minded and tired and complainy. She constantly complains about my lack of contibution and bugs me all the time to get a job because she feels to overwhelmed and needs a "break". I want to help her but there isn't any job I can do that will let me do my stuff during the day too. I can only work 4 -5 hrs a day a few days a week and she thinks that I am being unfair. yes were broke but we still have a home and i don't see why i should have to work when she is so smart and can do it better. My $500 a month isn't going to make much difference. I understand she has major depressive disorder but she keeps using it as an excuse for not wanting to work anymore and forcing me to help more. Should i do more or is the excuse BS??
2007-12-27 05:31:35 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
What about if I get her to a doctor to get meds and counseling again? Wouldnt that be a good answer? and I can't work much cause i wont be able to do my thing during the day and no one will hire me for 5 hours 3 days a week except mc donalds and im too old to work at a fast food place!
I just don't see why being depressed means she can't keep going, i know she feel stressed but it can't be as bad as she makes it all to be. can it?
2007-12-27 05:48:10 · update #1
Mildred. Yes, She has always had a depression problem since before I met her, it's just apparently gotten worst.
Thank you to everyone who is answering.
2007-12-27 06:30:37 · update #2
You should get a job. What dreams are you following? If after 3 years during your dream chasing you guys are still struggling financially, then maybe you need to wake up and start taking care of your family.
Stop complaining about your wife!! Be more understanding!!! I am sure she is under a lot of stress, having to work, take care the family and at the same time take care of the household.
If you really felt like her excuses were "BS", then why haven't you left? Is it because you know you have nowhere to go and that you will not survive on your 4 to 5 hundred dollars a month. Nor do you plan to improve your finances because you probably feel like you are living the good life of having someone take care of you while you pretend to go dream chasing.
2007-12-27 05:52:39 · answer #1 · answered by shun t 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is suffering from reactive depression. She wasn't depressed prior to this ? 5 years of having the financial burden and stress are tough on anyone. The market is hell out there and the bosses are pushing people more and more. Who wouldn't be depressed. Honestly, I think as her partner, you are going to have to step up and support her. Men earn more money than women for the same job . Check the stats / gender / pay disparity. Ask around and seek out some career counseling. Some churches offer services to help people reinvent themself / think of skills they have and how to market them. Community colleges offer this service too. There is a weekend class/seminar you can take. Get connected with your local business associations. Meet people. Figure out how to earn more than 500 per month. Most of the world is struggling with the same issue . Major depressive disorder is serious. Mental illness is every bit as serious as a physical illness. I really don't think that your wife is making any excuses. I also think that you could benefit from a counselor / marriage counselor. Because she once said you could take a break and follow your dreams doesn't mean that you can do this forever and she can't rescind this. Sounds like she's no longer able to do and you have to step up and do whatever it takes. if that means you realize that this dream isn't working / financially paying off / maybe you have to rethink making it a hobby again and something you do part time while you spend your full time hours in the work place.
2007-12-27 06:05:55 · answer #2 · answered by Mildred S 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
IF you think that you're wife is using her depression as an excuse to not do more what are you doing????? You are so not helping the situation and don't want to help. You're making excuses because you don't want to work more than you are now!!!! You're not adding any thing to the realtionship if I were your wife I would serioulsy consider leaving the realtionship. IT sure sounds like she's contributing more than you are and she's making more of an effort than you are. I see that you're not to old to make excuses for not pulling your weight. Three years is a long time not to help out if you were a truely mature adult. Maybe your wife should reconsider if she wants to be married to someone who doen'st want to grow up and live in the real world.
2007-12-27 08:23:07 · answer #3 · answered by Kathryn R 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let's start off with a bit of education.
Every person gets a certain amount of energy to deal with their day. For a depressed person to function and appear to be normal is like trying to run a marathon before even starting your day's work - yes. depression saps that much energy. Depression is an illness that saps her energies and abilities, making it absolutely exhausting to try to make it through a single day - physically - mentally - emotionally. Her brain has difficulty functioning.
Let's take a look at what she is saying:
she feels overwhelmed
needs a break
not wanting to work anymore
absent minded
tired
When you asked to "take a break" 5 yrs ago she agreed.
Now, 5 years later she is asking to "take a break" for her health reasons because she can't keep going anymore.....
So what are YOU going to do? I would hope your first act of kindness is to show you're paying attention and GO WITH HER to her DR. Let him explain it to you.
..............if you don't do that, start looking in the phone book under divorce lawyers.....cause you're going to need one.
2007-12-27 05:59:44 · answer #4 · answered by Hope 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think you can get burned out from doing alot of things, even around the house or working for yourself. Wal-mart, if you have a local one, would pay alright and allow you ro work 3 - 5 hours a day in the evenings or nights. I think this is something that you two have to work at.
2007-12-27 06:02:48 · answer #5 · answered by Concerned 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Suck it up! It sounds like she did give you a break and now she needs help. You are her husband, you say you guys are broke...so do something about it! Quit complaining and help her. You will both be happier. Remember, marriage is made up of two people who are supposed to work together as a team.
2007-12-27 05:40:25 · answer #6 · answered by ANGEL 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Every house needs two incomes. What kind of a man could sit by and let a woman do everything? Get up and help you are being unbelievable and very selfish. I'm surprised she hasn't had a nervous breakdown........
2007-12-27 05:40:47 · answer #7 · answered by Yayooxy 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know the answer to this! You know its wrong for you to just sit around while your wife stresses herself doing all the work. especially if you guys are broke! You need to get a job!
2007-12-27 05:41:33 · answer #8 · answered by SexeeLuv 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
To me it sounds like you really need a kick in the butt. To allow you to follow your dreams is admirable on your wife's behalf but to continue with your complaining when she is in need is wrong. Get a job and contribute to society and your family.
2007-12-27 06:54:22 · answer #9 · answered by Man of the House 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you sound lazy and you want her to take care of you!!! get off your butt and take of the household as a man should. i realize you have dreams that you want to pursue, and your wife did support you at first, but now she is tired and needs a break and help from you.
i don't know much about depression, but i'm sure it wouldn't hurt if she didn't have the entire responsibility of taking care of the house by herself.
2007-12-27 05:42:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋