We have been together for a year and a half and are quite happy together. However, our sex life has kinda flatlined a bit. We used to have great, consistent sex, where we would both climax, but lately she doesnt ever seem to want it. I get alot of the "Im tired" stuff, and when we do have it, she just gives me "Its okay, you just go" line which pretty much means hurry up and get it over with...
I try to be romantic and try different things (foreplay, bought her lingerie, etc) to bring her around, but nothing seems to work. As you can imagine, I am a guy who likes sex alot and this makes me feel unwanted and insecure. Ive talked to her about how it makes me feel and that I would love if she initiated it from time to time, instead of me having to ask (which is really tacky). I make sure that I do things to make her feel loved and wanted, but is it too much to ask for in return? What should I do?
2007-12-27 04:50:02 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The thing that scares me is that she's only 20. If we do move forward and stay together...how much worse will it get? I dont want to be one of those couples that sleep in seperate beds and stuff. And I dont mean to sound like a pig, but sex is a big part in a healthy relationship...
2007-12-27 04:58:26 · update #1
Ive also heard that Birth Control pills can affect a womans sex drive......could that be a culprit?
2007-12-27 04:59:45 · update #2
Hi,
For what it's worth here's my two penny's worth of advice !
I'm a woman in my late 30's and I have a lot of life experience. I have friends who have been through very similar situations, and I have been through the " I'm tired " phase too !
In my experience, when a woman is having an affair, against popular beliefs, it goes the other way. She turns into a nympho and can't get enough ( with hubby/partner ) ! Whether it's guilt, or fantacies about the lover, that is what I've been told by men who's partners had affairs , so you can rest assured that she is not having an affair .
My hubby and I have been through this, I went through a phase where I lost interest in sex, but it had nothing to do with him, it was a case of me simply being tired, nothing more, nothing less ! Also, your gf might have things on her mind that are bothering her and she's " not in the mood " for sex !
I can speak from experience when I say this to you, the more pressure you put on her ( be it indirectly ) the more you will put her off as she will start to believe that sex is the MOST important thing in your life !
You have tried talking, so what I would suggest is that you just do nothing for a while. Cuddle her, run her a nice bath, cook her a nice meal ..and generally show her that it's OK if she's " not in the mood" ..you love her anyway .
It worked for me and my hubby, I am cetain it will work for the two of you .
Sometimes these things happen, it's no good blaming each other, just be patient for a while .
If it's still going on after some time then you may have to talk again as it is a very important part of any relationship .
We are very strange creatures us women, sometimes we just need to be shown love which does not end in sex ! Yeah, I know it's odd but we can't help it, we were made that way .
Give it a go, you have nothing to lose .
Good luck hun, all the best, hope things sort themselves out for you both . :)
2007-12-27 05:29:06 · answer #1 · answered by Paris69 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing to worry about. I was like that with my boyfriend. Reasons for that, she may be worried, or thinking about the relationship, but doesn't want to say anything. Ask her if anything is bothering her. Are you two loyal, honest and communicate good with each other? If you two are, you should not have a problem figuring why she doesn't want to have sex with you. Girls who stop having sex after awhile get out of it, and don't feel like doing it as much.
Talk to her, ask her if something is annoying her that she doesn't want to say. Do you know what turns her on? Try all the things that turn her on, take her out somewhere nice etc. As some other people mentioned that she could be cheating, do you think so? Is she the type to cheat, was her behavior changing around you, does she not spent time with you as much? Take those into mind.
Overall just talk to her, take her out, try to get in the mood, and you'll see where things go from then.
Good luck!
2007-12-27 05:01:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Long term relationships like that tend to have ups and downs - the sex probably became a bit monotonous. It sounds like you're doing everything right - talking about it, being romantic, making her feel loved and wanted - but sometimes that's not what she needs. Try surprising her. Plan something out that you know she either has really wanted to try for a long time or that you know she loves to do. It can be something little, like going to a salsa club, or something a little more intense, like a weekend ski trip. Whatever it is, make it something that you have never tried together, or that she has never experienced. This will break any monotony in the relationship and hopefully make her want to get busy again... ;)
Good Luck!
2007-12-27 04:58:22 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Minie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way I'm looking at it it might one of two things. One is she's getting affection else where. Then again it could be that you are routine when it comes to the bed try more that just cliche romance and lingerie. Read sex novels such as ZANE experiment and just plain ask what it is that your not doing or doing that she doesn't like. In a relationship communication is the key.
2007-12-27 05:02:30 · answer #4 · answered by own my on 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
three senarios, mate:
1) she might ACTUALLY be tired. dont let it seem weird to you, coz i have had plenty of experiences where i feel exhausted ALL the time! and i'm talking 24/7 for weeks at a time. of course she aint gonna want sex if she feels that crappy. plus the fact that you like it so much might make her feel even worse (perhaps even guilty) so dont push her too much. give her some time... she'll come round. take her on holiday (even if its just a weekend away from home...just the two of you), massage her gently and sensually, take a bubble bath together... make her think (just a vague, groundless suspicion, nothing too obvious) that you're having an affair, get her jealous and make her feel she has to fight for you. that usually works.
2) she might have an affair of her own. now i aint saying anything for sure, you know that, dude. just check the obvious: does she return later or MUCH earlier than usual? does she get you random gifts for no reason? has she stopped looking you dead in the eyes? does she tell you she loves you less than she used to (compared to how often she said it when your sex life was better, i mean)? does she spend suspicious extra hours at "work"? all the above are not good signs. [of course there's always the possibility that she's a workaholic and ACTUALLY spends that many hours at work, so dont rush to conclusions]
3) you might have become too boring to her. try something new. dont be afraid to take a chance, for fear of rejection. suggest a trio, eat food off eachother, "do it" in non-standard places, go on a "first-date", flirt like you used to, be spontaneous, dont ASK for the sex (for god's sake, man, you have your pride!) just let it come on its own. sometimes just thinking about something makes you too lazy to get into it. however, if it just happens when you least expect it, you just feel the rush and you think about nothing but how dumb you woulda been to say no to something so relaxing.
BEST OF LUCK!!!!!
2007-12-27 05:05:35 · answer #5 · answered by bukroot 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she IS tired lately,she could be stressed from work or any other new life change that has recently occured. Sit her down and ask her what the deal is,regardless of what it is sympathize with her, LISTEN where she coming from, if she wasnt interested in you i dont think she'd even bother having sex with you. (as others opinion stated). So,apparently she wants to please u, and keep you happy so she gives u some, but you are thankfully seeing that your sex life has changed. As i said maybe there something going on in her life thats affecting her in other areas, Maybe she just dont feel like doing it anymore, I personally didnt feel like doing it after i had my baby,(but i had just had a baby, and am tired ALL the time , also with a fulltime job). And my bf expected me to be there and able to jump on him just cause he said so. Geez can we have a conversation first? .. so, there u go , hopefully you understand,and take some of my advice.
Best of luck!!
2007-12-27 05:00:10 · answer #6 · answered by I DONT CARE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not being funny but shes probably been faking it and is sick of having rubbish sex but doesnt want to hurt your feelings. ive done it before kept coming up with excuses for not doing it coz i know id just be doing it for him!
i guess all you can do is be selfess and explain to her how it makes you feel and you want to know the truth!make an effort to go down on her and really try to make her enjoy it rather than pleasing yourself. this is the thing most men get wrong is they are selfish in bed but their egos suffer when they think theyre doing rubbish.maybe your not this type of person i dont know im just giving my opinion on personal experience!
also the peek of a mans sex drive is teens - 2os but a womans is in her 30s to 40s ...women arnt the same as men!!!! it cud also be the birth control pill shes on! that makes you totally go off sex.the final option is that shes cheating but its the least likely one
hope this helped :S
2007-12-27 05:14:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not an uncommon occurence but you need to make it clear to her it's negatively affecting the relationship and if she's not happy with you, she needs to say so.
An unsatisfactory sex life will eventually bleed over into other areas of the relationship and eventually can cause it's demise.
Y'all need to get this worked out as soon as possible...perhaps things just got too mundane and you both need to work to spice it up and change things from what got to be a 'routine'?
2007-12-27 04:54:58 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I recently had this problem, ourselves. I'm the type of person who really likes sex, but doesn't have to have it. He's the type of person who has to have it, but won't initiate it.
I stopped initiating sex because there wasn't any incentive for me. I care about my husband, and I want him to be happy, feel good, etc... but, sex was making me feel used and it was really aggrivating because he would orgasm and I would not.
He would always promise to take care of me later or to "rock my world", etc... but he never would, because he doesn't initiate, or he was too tired, stressed out, not feeling well, etc. So I figured, "Well, if he's not going to, then I'M not going to, either!"
We went TWO MONTHS without any kind of sex at all. Finally, he asked why, and I explained to him that I was tired of being hung out to dry while he got his jollies.
Now, he makes it a priority to make sure that I am taken care of before he is. Our sex life has never been better.
2007-12-27 05:01:36 · answer #9 · answered by Mandy P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey Romeo,
Maybe your girlfriend really is tired. You didn't mention if she had a full schedule like working, school, raising kids,keeping house....I like sex just as much as the next person, but if I'm beat, the biggest turn-on is 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
If you have been together a while, the frequency changes anyways, because the newness wears off.Don't sweat it.
2007-12-27 04:58:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋