Dad's got a betting problem and I don't know what to do anymore!? i know i can't trust him!?

Question

Late 2006, i was ill off school and opened the post. It said that my dad had bet £600 and lost £400. I was shocked. [£600 is around $1200]. anyway he promised he wouldn't do it again. he stopped statements coming to the house but he used to sneak in my room and use my phone to make a few sneaky bets. i talked to my counsellor and she had a word with my dad and said she will happily give him helplines if he needs help. my dad refused and started badmouthing her behind her back. i thought about running away or even killing myself because i can't take it that he is wasting money away. i am 14 yrs old. my dad had recently been telling me that he had only been bettin £50 [$100] or something small like that ad i believed him but i looked through his phone and it showed he had been betting £400 [$800], £900 [$1800] and LOST. HE claims they were not recent but they were because the texts were sent after we had been to a concert in november. i cant trust him anymore and feel really bad. help

may i also add that the whole of our family is against it (me and my 3 brothers). My mum died when i was young and she hated horse racing (my dad bets on horse racing). His dad is against it and told him to stop betting. My dad said he would but he hasnt. My grandma has panic attacks about it and my grandad has high blood pressue and had to go to hosptial twice cos it was so bad. i dont know what to do. its ripping our family apart.

Answer 1

your other question was deleated. so i posted it here what i was going to say to both.
he is trying to deal with your mums death the same as you.
self harm is really difficult, it is a short term answer as you realised 2 years ago.
it is so easy to revert back to what helped you last time.
have a look at this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_o0eYgaTDE

Keep a hotline number with you at all times. When you feel the urge to cut, pick up the phone and call the hotline. Crisis hotline staff are trained to provide support and offer you alternatives to cutting yourself. However, you should remember that a professional crisis clinician will be clear that it is NOT his or her job to "talk you out of" cutting yourself - you make your own choices, and you must take responsibility for cutting or not cutting. Do not be ashamed to ask for support when you need it, as this affliction affects people from all walks of life.

You dad needs your support as wel as you need him. you are probably greiving deeply.

Try to discuss his gambling in an honest and non-confronting way.It may help to talk about what you have noticed and how you feel:
"You seem worried and you’re spending a lot more time at the club";
"I’m worried that you may be having problems with gambling".

Some gamblers may be relieved to talk about their gambling; others may feel so ashamed and guilty that they are unable to talk about it. Some may get very angry or deny that they have a problem.

* Even if he denys he has a problem you can provide him with information about where to get help.
* It’s important to protect yourself financially and emotionally from any harm caused by gambling.
* Try and keep the lines of communication open and focused on the problem.
* If you find the discussions become angry or hurtful, or go round in circles, take a break and agree on another time to talk about it.

Remember these key points:

* You cannot force your family member or friend to stop gambling.
* You cannot force them to acknowledge that that they have a problem, but you can tell them about the negative effect their gambling is having on you.
* You are not to blame for their behaviour.
* The gambling is the problem, not the person.
* No matter what you say or do, the only person who can stop gambling is the gambler themselves. If controlling it were easy, then gambling would probably not have become a problem.

Once your have talked to your dad, it’s important to remember that overcoming the problem will take time. It may help to encourage him to seek professional help. Expect things may not go to plan. Slip-ups occur while trying to stop gambling. Provide support, understanding and encouragement. Most gamblers make several attempts before they stop completely.

these are some contacts you can look at to maybe get your dad some support.
http://www.problemgambling.vic.gov.au/firststep/resources/resources.htm

Here are some help lines for you. to give you someone you can talk to (this might really help)
http://www.freewebs.com/selfharm_help/

If you want to talk more you can IM or email me anytime.
Take care
xx

Answer 2

my god what a horrible problem. I know some people that are plagued with gambling. Its dangerous.
Its not my field but the only thing that I can think of that would stop a man from obsessive gambling is if he found something else to do with his free time..
for example a hobby, gardening, television, maybe even smoking I dont know but do whatever you can to keep his mind off gambling. I bet it will be just like getting off of heroine, but likewise, once you stop and get through the withdrawal symptoms, it goes away.
Don't commit suicide...because what will that do?
honestly your dad will just keep gambling the same if his addiction is the way you say it..

my family's prayers are with you.
good luck yo

Answer 3

I have a brother who is a gambling addict. I know what you are going through. He tried gamblers anonymous and it didn't help him. One on one counselling helped him a bit, but he stopped going. He said he had nothing left to talk about and would then gamble just so he could have something to say. I only discovered my brother had a gambling problem when I looked at bank statements from a joint account we shared and there was nothing left. He had spend all his money and was tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I honestly don't know what to do with this problem. He too has stopped finacial statements coming to the house. He signed up for the self-exclusion program at the casino and banned himself for three years, but in those three years, the people at the door let him in anyways and he gambled thousands and thousands more. My brother was a quiet church going person and this started several years after our mom died. When I confront him on it and offer to take over his finances, he refuses and almost had a nervous breakdown. I don't want him to commit suicide so I am at a loss. As for me, this has made me physically sick. I throw up my food almost every time I eat. The neighbours think I have cancer since I've lost so much weight. I can't sleep waiting for him to come home at 3AM wondering if he is gambling away his inheritance. I wish my mom was around to sort this out. This past year, I decided to worry about my own health. I moved out, got on antideppresants and now am at a healthy weight again. I still see my brother once a week. I don't know if he still gambles or not. My days of driving to the casino to check up on him are over. To his credit, he had developed new interests in hockey which keeps him away from the casino and involved in a weekly social group for his age at his church. Your dad is probably bored like my brother was so he gambles. He needs to find new interests. Don't let his problems ruin your mental health. Study hard in school and move out as soon as you can. Still be nice to your dad though. I wish you well.

Answer 4

First of all realize that none of this is your fault.
And you can not control him.
My suggestion would be to sit down with him and the whole family and ask to make a compromise.
Draw up a budget to show him where the money is needed most and then come up with a reasonable amount for him to spend on the horses. You can't ask him to give up completely, but if you loves you he should be willing to compromise.

Best of Luck to you.

Answer 5

Your dad actually needs a psychologist but unfortunately unless he is willing to help himself there isn't anything you can do. It is hard and I am sure he sees what he is doing but he has to make the conscious effort to change. He is addicted to wanting to win. Betting on races or gambling is a hard habit to break because even if he loses, the possibility that he can win keeps driving him. Try to cope with your situation as much as you can. Hopefully he will realize that he needs to change and make the steps towards recovery.

Answer 6

Tell him what it is doing to your family. Tell him that you are having bad thoughts. He can't continue to do this if he cares for you...let him know that he is driving you away and that he is going to lose everything that means anything to him. Call a helpline and get an intervention in motion.

Answer 7

well some time's talking and words just dont help you might just have to get your brothers or a boy freind to kick his butt, sometimes volience is the answer, im not saying put him in the hospital or anything thought and only do it it you really have to

Answer 8

Gambling can be an addiction for many people, just like alcohol or drugs. It sounds like your father is in serious need of professional help.

Here is the website of an organization who can help:
http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/

Answer 9

Accept it as a fact of life. Your Dad is who he is. Tell him you love him, even though you know what he is, and treat him like what he is, a gambler.
You do not have to be mean or disrespectful to him.
Just know who he is, when to believe him, and what his presence in your life means to you.

blessings have already been bestowed up him ... he has YOU for a kid. :) a little prayer for him couldn't hurt ;-P

Answer 10

Look for Gamblers Anonymous on line in your area.
They also have programs for Family and Friends of Gamblers.

I am in the states and these are links that show when I google here.

http://www.google.com/search?q=Gamblers+Anonymous&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7SUNA