I have raised my stepdaughter has my own since she was three years old, her real mother had passed away.Now she is getting married and wants a picture to be present of her real mother. I feel very hurt because at three yrs old what memories can she have of her real mother.I am the one that has been there all these years and now she is 28 yrs old. and still there for her.i feel this is disrespect to me. she can carry her mother in her heart and keep all the pictures she wants but why bring it to her wedding?need some opinions..
2007-12-27 04:41:29 · 28 answers · asked by Cheryl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You are being crazy. I'm sorry but I don't understand why you think that having a picture of someone that gave her life at her wedding is somehow disrespectful to you? I'm sure she isn't doing it to slight you in anyway and is appreciative of everything you have done for her, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be able to recognize her mother. I'm sorry if this is harsh but I am quite appalled.
2007-12-27 04:48:00 · answer #1 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 15⤊ 0⤋
This is a big thing for her and no matter how good you are to her, she still misses her mother and probably remembers more about her than you think. I can remember quite clearly back to age two. Let her do this and don't put pressure on her about it. Weddings are stressful enough on everyone. Unless she is clearly insulting you in some way in this wedding (and if so, it is her Dad who should talk with her about it) just be gracious and smile and try to enjoy the day. Why not have a picture gallery of her childhood photos and the groom's at the reception and include the picture of her mother there. which would actually be less weird than having it in the church ( if that is what she is planning). Also is there possibly any item that belonged to her mother that she might incorporate in to her wedding attire, such a a piece of jewelry, lace from a gown, a handkerchief, prayer book, rosary or what not that might help her feel the connection that she is searching for on this day??
2007-12-27 12:58:15 · answer #2 · answered by judithia 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
WHAT?!? SHE'S the one being disrespectful?!? Are you f-ing serious?! Maybe she doesn't really "remember" her real mother, but the point is that she wants her real mother (the one who carried her for 9 months, went through hours of labor, and actually gave birth to her) to remembered at her wedding. If anything, dear, YOU are the one being disrespectful here. I'm sure your stepdaughter simply would've wanted her mother there and is deeply saddened that she never had the relationship with her that she has with you. You really should grow up. This day is about HER and what SHE wants. Not you.
2007-12-27 14:37:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You may well have brought her up since she was 3, but she still had a birth mother and to want a picture of her birth mother there is not showing any disrespect to you, it is wanting to honour her birth mother, that's only natural. I am sure you will fill all the "traditional mother of the bride" roles at the wedding, be reasonable about this!!
2007-12-28 06:16:59 · answer #4 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Imagine if you had a little girl of your own...that you gave birth to (maybe you do)...And imagine you found out that your life would be cut short when she was very young...3 years old. Imagine her wedding day 25 years from now....and she has been raised to be a beautiful young lady by a woman who has stepped forward and took over where you weren't able to..... How would you feel if she didn't want you to... in some way...be a part of her wedding day. You would be pretty hurt wouldn't you.... You would wonder if she forgot all about you, wouldn't you. She is in no way choosing her over you. Let her have a picture of her mother there....actually...Insist on it
2007-12-27 13:11:32 · answer #5 · answered by Cindy V 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's her wedding, it's about her and her FH. If she wants a picture in memory of her biological mother, let her. There should be no hard feelings here. I don't think she is doing it to disrespect you. Don't you think she can honor her mother and his it not be disrespectful to you? I think that while you are in a tricky position, your job (As it always has been) is to be as supportive and helpful as possible. This can't be an easy time for her, as I'm sure she wonders what it would be like to have her mother with her on her wedding day!
I can sympathize, though I wasn't 3, but 21, my mom won't be present for my wedding day either. My step mom has known me since I was 9, and she has been very supportive and helpful through this rough time.
2007-12-27 12:49:16 · answer #6 · answered by chaychayolei 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I have a stepdaughter that I have raised as my own from a very young age as well!! Her mother is not dead...but has never been there as a mother figure!! She is only 13 now but when she gets married I fully expect for her to include her mother because no matter what ...I cannot take her mother's place!! I do not think that you should be upset...you have to understand that it is still her mother and it is a way for your stepdaughter to honor her in a way that she was deprived of in life!!! Good Luck !! And i hope you can find a way to be a little more understanding!!
2007-12-27 12:48:44 · answer #7 · answered by HUh?!? 3 · 10⤊ 0⤋
Because the world does not revolve around you.
Yes, you raised her, you love each other, you will be incorporated into the wedding I'm sure. But you can't replace her real mom. You're right, she probably doesn't have any memories, so all she has are pictures. You could try to be a little understanding that she is sad her real mom can't be there and a picture is the closest she can get.
2007-12-27 13:51:40 · answer #8 · answered by Allison L 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well If you can think of it from a different point of view... I'm a mom, and I lost my dad (my moms younger brother helped to raise me..and i consider him my dad) nearly 3 years ago. he didn't come to my wedding because his wife my aunt was really really ill. :( But they did get to see the birth of their 4th great nephew (my son). She still has a love for the mother watching out for her from heaven. You are the mother who saw her through the most difficult times of her life. She wants you both. Embrace the fact that she loves you, and respects you.. But also respect the fact that she is 28 (the age I got married at), and celebrate her new life that is coming. And rejoice that you are lady that her children will call grandma one day. Let her have her way. It's a small thing. I hope this helps. good luck.
2007-12-27 13:10:36 · answer #9 · answered by Leslie Y 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She needs to honor her Bio mom. This is no disrespect to you. You are helping her with everything else. You are there for her now. You will be standing with her.
Why have you spent the last 25 years being jealous of a dead woman? This is her bio Mom, you knew this when you took her on.
Stop being so worried about this. Tell her you think it is a great thing that she wants to honor her mother, and that you are sure that if she were here today, her mother would be very proud.
2007-12-27 13:06:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Many brides and grooms will place a picture of a loved one who passed away to honor them during their biggest day. It is a way to respect and remember them.
I am sure she is not doing this to hurt you, but the fact of the matter remains, that woman was a part of her life, even if it was for a very short time. You should not discount her feelings toward her real mom.
I am sure that you have been a wonderful mother as well and that she loves you very much, but during these times -marriages and births of children - you want to also remember those whom you love very much that aren't with you any more.
2007-12-27 13:15:41 · answer #11 · answered by SisterSue 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋