My parents don't understand me. I'm at the lowest part of my life?

Question

I hate having to admit my parents don't understand me. My mom is extremely one sided and only believes what she thinks is right and my dad agrees with her every single time. I met and fell in love with the most amazing person of my life a year ago. Yes I am 18, but he has taught me things my parents never have...like how to appreciate life and be respectful to those who are disrespectful to you, not to be afraid to stand up for what you believe in, how to love someone, being more confident and not letting things get the best of me, etc. I feel like I haven't learned these things from my parents because whenever i get in trouble i get yelled and screamed at. My boyfriend never screams at me when I do something wrong and I actually learn and have so much more respect for him. My parents feel my world revolves around him and that I'm out of control. I was even blamed today for one day being the death of my mother because of her heart problems. How can I emotionally handle this?

I've tried talking to them and explaining without yelling but I can't help but react to their yelling by screaming back. My life is so screwed up..and my boyfriend has to listen to all of this. They are even considering making us break up.

Answer 1

It sounds to me that you are more of an adult than your own parents. Follow your heart and learn to listen to yourself. If you know you're doing things right for yourself then don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Not even your own parents...remember they're only humans that make mistakes. The worst thing a mother can do is think tha she's always right because she's the mother and you're the kid. Do the right thing for yourself and be happy. Trust me I have the same type of parents but once I learned to not let them bug me they climbed off my back. Be strong, go to school, get a good job and live your own life. Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm in the same boat myself--so you're not alone. In fact, my mom and I just had a going-at-it this morning. (And I was blamed for my mom's blood pressure and vertigo problems last year and this year). I try to be rational, but it's very hard to be rational with a mom who sees things very differently--both generational and cultural in my case. To my mom, anything she says (whether right or wrong) is golden and should be respected because she gave me life.

My dad doesn't like to intrude--because then my mom yells at him for taking sides.

I'm 19 years old, and I have lived away at college for the past 2 years. I don't ask for any financial support from my parents. I basically support myself. However, my mom still feels that she ought to have control over my every decision.

My mom has never given my boyfriend a chance--even though everyone else in my family has met him. In her mind, it's my fault that she hasn't met him, although he has come to my parent's house numerous times when I've been in town (and met the entire rest of my family). She has never met him and has already decided she doesn't like him. And she doesn't like the fact that we are serious about each other (like you, my boyfriend brings out the best in me). But I also know how hard it is to tell parents that a third party is doing a better job at making me a better person than they are. My mom didn't ever date until she was 26. And married my dad at 28. So she feels I'm way too young to be finding love.

The long answer above was helpful. Not letting moms break up a relationship is advice I've given other people (friends who are engaged now and happy together). But it's very difficult having to live it. I regret letting my parents intrude on past relationships, and I agree that at 18 y.o, you're an adult who is capable of making your own choices. At the same time, let your parents know that you appreciate what they have done. And you appreciate their concern. It's a delicate balance that I'm still trying to find. And it is very easy to upset the scale.

Try to understand where your mom is coming from. A lot can be explained by her past and personality. I can understand where my mom gets some of her ideas. That doesn't mean I have to agree: but it makes things easier to accept. Just don't let your mom intrude on your dating life. Remember, you're looking for a guy to spend the rest of your life with. Not a guy for your mom to spend the rest of her life with. Ultimately, you are going to be living away from your parents--this tension is only short term (in the entire scope of things). Suck it up. And if your boyfriend loves you enough, he will be there to support you, hear you vent, and help you work things out with your parents.

I hate saying this, and I know I'm going to have to make this choice too. But sometimes, it's just a choice of mother or boy. Do you want to get rid of the boy to maintain a fragile relationship with your mother? Or would you rather tolerate the stormy relationship with your mother knowing that you can cry in the arms of the boy you love?

Answer 3

Don't let your parents break you guys up, my parents did the same thing to me and to this day I regret letting them control me to such an extent. If you really love each other then be together in spite of what your parents say/do. You are an adult now and they cannot control your every move and thought. I would suggest you two moving in together as soon as you're ready. Getting out of a household like that is probably the best thing you can do.. I wish I had so many times in the past.

Answer 4

You are 18, your parents cannot make you break up with anyone.

Your dilemma here is that you are living in your parents home and therefore I'm assuming you cannot support yourself. Your choice is to live your life the way you want to and support yourself, or live your live as they want you to because you cannot support yourself. I'm going to give you the advice I would give myself if I were able to go back in time and change the course of my life, which was much the same as yours when I was your age. I hope you consider it.

Stop arguing with your parents, you cannot control how they think and how they parent. Do yourself a favor and just do what you have to to get your education and get a foothold on the physical reality of supporting yourself. If your parents are going to send you to college, then do whatever you can to get your grades up to get scholorships and grants and go away to college. Go where your b/f is going, you don't have to tell them. Keep your mouth shut about your personal business and while you don't have to agree with what they say, be smart about it and keep the drama to a minimum. Thank your mother for her advice and tell her you will consider it. You don't have to, but it will shut her up. Don't look to your dad for support, he either agree's with her or he just doesn't want to rock the boat. Their relationship dynamics are their problem, not yours. Get a job, put your money in a savings account, do not allow your parents access, but if you live at home, give them a small amount regularly without their having to ask.

The point is to carefully move in a direction that allows you an education that will give you the financial freedom to do what you want with your life but take advantage of your parents support as long as you can tolerate it. While that's probably not kosher, you need to protect yourself first. Believe me, when you are my age, you will see the wisdom of getting what you can while you can, if that's what they were doing to do anyway.

Admit that your world does revolve around your b/f. If he is your age, you have given him almost guru statis. While it sounds like he is doing alot of things right, he's also just a kid and learning life himself. Perhaps your mother is seeing something you are missing, like manipulation and control. Maybe she's just jealous of your attention to him. But consider looking at things from her point of view to see if there is any validity to her thoughts. Regardless, talk to him about your plans and he should agree with them. If he wants you to leave your parents and he will take care of you, you need to question that. No man would put a woman in the position of being dependent on him, anything can happen, even sudden death and then where are you? He should be protecting you by wanting you to get an education to protect your future beyond the age of 18.

Good luck. Remember you have alot of living beyond the age you are now and don't let your mothers dramatics throw you off your goals. That kind of manipulation is poison, avoid believe it at all costs. But give them a break too, its really hard to parent a young adult. You have to trust that the job you did is enough to carry them through life and most mothers don't get that you need to learn when to back off. Both my daughters had to tell me, and more than once.

Answer 5

you boyfriend seems likea nice person......try talking to him.when your parents shout at you avoid them and ignore them.try not to make them angry.one day they will appreciate you