Is it ok to send a friendly e-mail to remind people to RSVP?

Question

It's just over a week before our requested RSVP date. We mailed 100 invitations, but have received only 15 - 20 RSVPs so far. The caterer needs a headcount in about 2.5 weeks. I'm thinking of sending a short, friendly e-mail this weekend or early next week to remind people to please mail in their RSVP cards by January 5th. Is that ok, or is it rude? We have some friends/family who are notorious for not replying and making a decision at the last minute.

I know that it's perfectly acceptable to call people *after* the RSVP date and ask them whether or not they're coming, but I don't want to wait until that date and then have to make a few dozen phone calls in the span of a couple of evenings

Opinions?

Wow - thanks everyone! looks like the consensus is a resounding "yes, it's ok to do that."

Like many of you pointed out, with all the holiday festivities and travel, it's easy for someone to forget to reply. It's also possible for an invitation or RSVP card to get lost in the mail with the flood of greeting cards.

Answer 1

I don't know if it's the "Official Wedding Etiquitte" or not, but personally, I wou;dn't be offended to receive an email reminder to RSVP! I'd appreciate it.
Ivy

Answer 2

You have every right to request "reminder" RSVP's. These people have to understand you need a total head count and you can't guess how many people will feel like attending last minute.

Emails are always good because they can just hit reply to yours and rsvp, unlike phones where they actually have to call back. People have buys lives and just forget sometimes.

Maybe send out those free "e-cards" for New Years and write in the note part to kindly RSVP when they get a chance.

Answer 3

In etiquette circles, this first round of calls (or eMails) is known as Checking To Be Sure That The Invitation Arrived And Didn't Get Lost In The Mail. Rounds two, three, and so on are known as The Caterer Insists We Get a Firm And Final Head Count, Has Anything Changed?

Don't try to do all this yourself! This is what Bridesmaids, Groomsmen, family and friends were invented for.

Answer 4

I think it would be a great idea to send the e-mail a couple of days before the RSVP date as a reminder and then to call anyone who has still not respnded on the deadline. However, keep in mind that a lot of people are doing holiday stuff this week and next so they may not be checking their e-mail, especially if it is a work e-mail.

Answer 5

My guess is you'll get a ton of returns this week, because people might be holding off until the last minute to make sure they can come. (Not sure why they do that.) But 2 or 3 days before, make a list of names and phone numbers and split them between you and your fiance and call them. People will appreciate hearing your voice and will be more likely to give you an answer right then. The invitation may have also not been opened yet, or in a few cases it may have gone to the wrong address, so it's good to check in with them.

Answer 6

It's absolutely acceptable. I've found that a lot of people set invitations and announcements aside intending to address them later, then of course never do -- so reminders are a great tool.

I'd like to offer one bit of advice -- it's a bit time-consuming, but will reap much higher responses. Rather than send one single e-mail to all the non-respondents, send each one an individual e-mail.

Compose an e-mail to the first person on your list [using their name in text's salutation], send it, hit the back button, change the e-mail address and salutation to that of the next person, send it, and hit the back button again -- repeating the process until they're all sent. This way, each person thinks you have sent them an individual e-mail -- much preferable to receiving a generic e-mail.

You can even tailor the basic text for certain people, remembering to change it back to the original "template" version for the following e-mail.

Keep the tone of the message light. You could mention things like how you well imagine how busy they've been with the holidays, and stress that you're contacting them because you would really love to have them attend. You could even use humor, such as, "we really need an accurate headcount -- you know how temperamental those caterers can be!" Something like that can generate empathy.

I've done this individual e-mailing technique both in social and business matters. At my day job, it's vital for our Board members to attend monthly meetings, and for a long time I just sent a single reminder e-mail after my initial meeting announcement [I would address it to myself and put the recipients in the "bcc" field to spare them any embarassment]. The single e-mail would result in a FEW more responses, but since starting to send an individual reminder to each person, the percentage of responses has increased dramatically. I presume it's because people find it a bit off-putting to receive a generic e-mail -- a personal e-mail has more impact, since it's coming just to them.

Answer 7

My advice is to just wait until the date passes and start calling people. Some people might get offended at the email, and I don't see it greatly increasing your numbers of RSVP's, especially if you have a great number of guests who are notorious for not letting you know until right before. I just got married in November, and it's just completely hard to say who will show up and who won't. By pressing people too hard to RSVP, they either will decide prematurely not to go at all, or will just RSVP in case they decide to go (this happened to me and I overpaid for my reception by roughly 20 people). Try to give people as much time as you can, then get the numbers to the caterer. That's all you can do. BEST OF LUCK, and Congrats!

Answer 8

Personally, I would not be offended to receive an email reminder, but that's just me. In fact, I would appreciate it. I feel like a jerk when I forget to RSVP, so a reminder would be nice. I don't see how that would be rude, but bear in mind that some people are too touchy for their own good.

Answer 9

Let it go, you'll get tons of RSVP's between Jan 5th-7th. People always wait until the last minute, especially around the holidays.

Answer 10

I know Miss Manners would disagree, but I think it's perfectly ok to send a friendly reminder. Sometimes people misplace the invitation, some people are just thoughtless.

Congratulations on your wedding. I hope everything goes smoothly.