How do I help my elderly relative who will not let me help?

Question

I have an 89 year old cousin who needs help but will not let me do things she needs. Examples: My family got her belongings moved down here from out of state and put into storage. She will not sort through them and will not let anyone help her sort through them. She will not let me take the boxes back to storage either but they are now cluttering up her apartment and she is embarassed her apt is so messy. This is one example. Others are: She needs her hair washed and trimmed but will not let me take her to the salon. She will not go out of her apt except for a doctors appointment because she perspires profusely and is afraid she will catch a draft and become sick. Otherwise she is very healthy for her age and takes no medications. She was going to take Zoloft (originally her idea) because she is depressed but then refused (after the Dr prescribed the medicine and I purchased it) to take it. So she says she will battle the depression in her own way. Does anyone have any ideas?

Answer 1

Call and speak with a social worker at your local hospital or senior center.
People who are displaced from their long-time homes will often develop depression. The changes of simply moving their furniture to a different arrangement in their room can feel disruptive to their life and orientation.
Sorting and organizing, for a depressed person can feel like an insurmountable ordeal that she has neither energy or emotion to deal with. Fear can often accompany depression. Fear of being dominated by others walking in and taking over her life can be a very real dilemma for her.

I am not old, but I have been depressed. Might I suggest that she has one room of her house where she can go that is not cluttered. Oh, the boxes can be stacked in a corner, but not out where you have to walk around them. This can make her feel somewhat better about her surroundings.
Remember that her standards are not necessarily your standards. Her urgencies are not necessarily what you might sense to be urgent.

About her hair. I see two sensible courses to address it.
1) on the day of her next Dr appt. stop-off at the hair dresser's on the way home. Take her to a small place that caters to older clients (Not a big noisy place where people can look in on her from the street)
2) Call and arrange to have (Elderlinkcare.com or other agency supplying home care assistance for elderly) come in even one day per week for a couple hours. They will assist her in whatever she needs. Bathing and dressing, cooking for that day or meals to put in the freezer, cleaning, changing beds, washing, mopping or vacuuming, running errands or grocery shopping....it could be as simple as helping her read

Do coordinate with her Dr. to have a Social Worker come into her home and do an assessment as to what her needs are. While she may initially reject help, planting the seed can be very helpful. She obviously needs personal care assistance for washing the hair, and possibly other bathing or dressing needs.

Check out senior home care services. Private pay starts somewhere around $50-75 for a 3 hr. home service.

Answer 2

you're actually not uncaring or impolite, needless to say your cousins are quite no reliable and you may desire to make constructive that your sick relative's money/possessions are properly dealt with whilst they have exceeded on, staggering? i think of the ideal thank you to physique of suggestions it quite is rapidly... manifest in guy or woman, without warning be the main attentive relative interior the worldwide. quite get of their face. immediately you will exchange into favoured (enormously in view which you reported this guy or woman is elderly). Then, play the pity card. have been given childrens? Drop a splash in communication approximately some college components or expenses that could desire to be paid for. yet another decision is to feign affliction. The greater foolhardy golddigger will attempt to truthfully get sick by applying jogging barefoot in undesirable neighborhoods or licking rest room seats. (that may not fullyyt needed.) affliction gets you empathy, and empathy is often reliable. ultimately, you may continuously forge a will and wait till they're sedated (the two by applying you or no longer) and woozy sufficient to sign all their tremendously possessions away to you! Works a take care of!

Answer 3

at 89...leave her do her own thing...i have a mother-in-law just like that....has messy house..complains about not cleaning it etc...but doesn't want anyone else to clean it either...its just the way they are....i figure i will be old and grumpy too..after that many years they deserve it