My boyfriend has been depressed lately and last night he said he was staying at his friends house since we live on the other side of town and his car is broke and he has to go into work early and didn't want to bother me. Well at 3:15am his boss left a message asking why he hasn't shown up for work and that he is mad that he has done this a couple times lately. I talked with his boss this morning and he never showed up. So should I confront him about not going to work or wait and give him a chance to come clean?
2007-12-27 03:25:09 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I wouldn't make any accusations. Just state what you know to be true. That his boss called and left a message, which you heard. This way, he can't accuse you of jumping to conclusions, and he will then have a chance to explain.
2007-12-27 03:28:01 · answer #1 · answered by Liza 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
You just tell him his boss called you up in the morning and said he was mad since he hadnt turned up for work. Also tell him you checked later and found that he hadnt still gone for work. Tell him the boss also told that he had missed work like this a couple of times recently. Tell only this much and stand back. Let him state what he wants.
You have found he was lying. What is the point in confronting him etc? It may get into blamegames, abuses and a fight. Instead, just stat what you found and leave it there. If he feels for you, he will rethink and correct himself. Or else, you already know where this was heading to. Atleast you will save the stress because of a fight.
Take care.. All the best..
Wish You A Very Happy New Year..
2007-12-27 03:36:21 · answer #2 · answered by doer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That really depends on you, how close you are and how deep your relationship is. Being depressed can be a HUGE problem that if you "really involved" you and the family should get involved NOW. Severe depression can lead to suicide, job loss and shutting down. You guys should get professional help for him. The Christimas time/New Years is the most stressfull time of the year.
About your question. About coming clean, he may not rationalize that he should have to be accountable to you.
He obviously has some sort of issue with you to feel that he feels threatened, doesn't trust you or could be cheating on you. With that being said, you need to way out the advantages/disvantages of confronting him or not. Be non confrontational if you do confront him. Be kind, caring, compassionate and see what he is thinking, feeling or coming from. The problem might be bigger than you so think about getting help. Good luck.
2007-12-27 03:36:53 · answer #3 · answered by Robert Miller 95670 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you didn't snoop or violate any privacy since his boss was the one that called and left the message. Confront him, just don't judge him or give him attitude until you've heard his response. Try to have an open discussion about what is happening. Even if it's bad news, talk and ask questions calmly. Acting aggressive will only cause a defensive reaction and will not get you the honest answers to any questions you may have.
Who knows, maybe he has a good explanation... maybe not, just give him the chance to respond before damning him.
2007-12-27 03:33:39 · answer #4 · answered by KoiDragon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK,, if he is depressed,, how do you know he is depressed? First confirm this part then get him help,, you need to work with him on this depression bit if he is having some mental problem. as for the not going to work,,,, well just ask him how is work and let him come out and tell you he has been skipping work and perhaps he will come up with a good reason,, or not. Talk to the guy and gather the facts before you execute him. first the facts, followed by execution.
goo luck to both of you.
2007-12-27 03:34:49 · answer #5 · answered by jorge e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would address it. Don't yell or make accusations, just sit down and have a discussion. Open with the fact that his boss called YOU. Whatever is going on, he needs to face up to it sooner or later, and most people can't afford to not work. I think he's obviously avoiding whatever troubles he has right now, and if you wait for him to come clean you're going to be waiting for a long time.
2007-12-27 03:31:17 · answer #6 · answered by Laurabelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe just wait till the end of the day and then confont him about it, try not to make it an arguement though just ask him why he feels he has to lie to you, I know what you must be feeling because I have been in your shoes though my situation was a little different but anyways just wait a little bit and see if he call or comes home and tells you if he doesnt then confront him..hope thats helps.
2007-12-27 03:34:05 · answer #7 · answered by Desiree F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would approach him in a way that is non-confrontational. If you go up to him pissed .. it is going to be a fight ... he is going to get defensive and I am willing to bet that he will turn the tables on you!!!
Just ask him if he is ok because his boss called that he had not shown up to work ... and you thought he had fallen ill. It is not like he can lie then about not going to work. Truth is you will never know anything unless you ask him ... and then it is up to him to be honest or not.
I most certainly would not keep my mouth shut though!! I just would be careful with my wording because HE is the one who is wrong ... but I bet he will try to say you are the one who is messed up!!
2007-12-27 03:30:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't go at him guns blazing as that will push him away further, tell him that his boss called and he said he hasn't been in, ask him what the problem is, depression makes people not want to get out of bed and it seems he needs some help.
2007-12-27 03:28:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he's done it more than once, there's not a big chance he'll come clean. Just gently bring up that his boss called. The conversation will have to happen from there.
2007-12-27 03:28:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋