A friend of mine, he's sexually attracted, I always wanted more than sex, so we remained friends for 10+ yrs. He'd touch & feel my a*ss at times, I never liked that but never confronted him bcz I was afraid he'd get mad & we'd argue. A couple of wks ago I saw him. He hugged me, grabbed/felt my a*ss with both hands. I HATED it. I didnt say nothing bcz I fear an argument. But it bothered me so much that last night I called & tried to talk to him about it. I didnt yell, didnt get nasty, I wasnt belligerent, I was TALKING to him. I told him I felt violated & disrespected when he feels on my a*ss. His response was short, with attitude. He said, "You read too deep into things" & "Trust me it'll never happen again" & he hung up on me. I was still talking. That hurt my feelings. From there we argued FOR A LONG TIME & it got NASTY & I'm the bad guy. See? This is why I hesitated to confront him. Shouldnt he had've responded with more respect & talked to me instead of hanging up on me???
2007-12-27 02:09:47 · 12 answers · asked by Lala 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Friendships are very important, but it's equally important that they work on your terms.
Be patient. If he's really your friend, he'll come around. If he isn't, better to know it now than later when you really need him and he's not there.
2007-12-27 02:15:51 · answer #1 · answered by Pragmatism Please 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think that you need to redefine your terms of friendship. I would not consider a guy who was disrespectful of me, and thought that touching me in a disrespectful manner was acceptable to be a friend.
This guy is a jerk and a loser. You have taught him that the bad behaviour is acceptable because you have wanted to avoid an argument for ten years? Now, you have decided to defend your honor, and wonder why he is arguing with you?
You have to realize that we as human beings learn to do what works for us. You allowed this loser to grab you in a disrespectful manner because you liked the attention, and now that you have decided that you don't like it and feel insulted; this guy is confused. He just wants to have sex, he has never really been your friend that is evident in his actions toward you.
You should have established the boundaries with this guy the first time he grabbed you ten years ago.
Your feeling may be hurt, but they are really only hurt because you have finally realized what a loser this guy really is, and you have allowed yourself to be used in this manner.
You need to have more self respect, and not allow this type of thing to go on from the beginning, and you will not have to worry about arguing with anyone about it later on.
I have only had similar incidences happen to me a couple of times in my life, once in a work situation, and once with a member of my husbands (then boyfriends) family. I put a stop to the first grab, and the first disrespect and the second attempt was never made, in either case.
Stand up for yourself, do not let losers disrespect you and stay away from your supposed "friend." He is not, and has never been your friend.
Good luck and have a good day.
2007-12-27 10:58:37 · answer #2 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that he should have more respect to you. However, I don't think he had respect for you from the beginning. I mean, if he had an iota of respect in his mind, even as a friend, he would have restrained himself from touching you here and there or wherever that is inappropriate. Even with friends, there are places where you JUST DON'T TOUCH. I can pull at my female friends' bra straps, but that is the furthest that I can do. (I do that just to irritate them, by the way, nothing sexual. But that's me with my friends.)
So, since he was probably looking forward to have you on friends-for-sex level only, I figure that maybe he thought you realised his ploy all along, and tried to pull back from the mud he has already thrown himself into. Unfortunately for him, you have seen him all dirty with the mud, so there's no other way for him to escape except throwing some more mud at you, i.e. blaming you for everything.
This person is not a friend. In fact he is not fit to be your friend at all. Leave him alone, and get to know others. And next time someone grabs you in the ***, kick his balls and scream bloody sexual harassment.
2007-12-27 10:29:24 · answer #3 · answered by jarod_jared 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He got ticked at you b/c he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He was getting a bit of milk for free without having to pay anything for it. The fact is if he acted like that, he does not respect you. I am sorry to say, that in his mind, you are most likely just a potential hook up. Men do not treat women that they have feelings about like that. The correct reaction would have been something like "I am sorry that I offended you. I did not realize that you felt that way. It will never happen again." Or something along those lines.
Sounds like a world class jerk. You are better off without him.
2007-12-27 10:14:11 · answer #4 · answered by yogurt777 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, just reading this makes ME wanna go smack this guy.
Seriously, who does that? That's totally freaking low and inappropriate. You do NOT read too much into things, you just don't like it when he grabs your butt. SHOCKER. He needs to get over himself and start acting like a man instead of little kid. This guy sounds seriously immature and even though you've been friends for such a long time, it really sounds like he's not worth it. He's just being jerkoff and needs to grow up. You did NOTHING wrong and he needs to pull his head out of his rear and realize he's being a pig.
2007-12-27 10:19:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes he should of. If he cant respect your feeling dont bother with him. He obviously doesnt care for you that much.
2007-12-27 10:13:48 · answer #6 · answered by Janice B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NEWS FLASH: When somebody does something to you that you dislike, TELL THEM right there and then. DO NOT pass it off and wait until they do it AGAIN. That pretty much voids all your rights to get in their faces about it YEARS later!!!
NO, he did not "owe" you the consideration to sit there and get bitc*** at.
Lesson learned, right?
2007-12-27 10:18:33 · answer #7 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I just think that he was embarrassed and could not face you at a time like that..very defensive.
2007-12-27 10:16:01 · answer #8 · answered by jenney 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He ain't worth your time of day.
2007-12-27 10:18:36 · answer #9 · answered by celiasdream 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes ,respect is important.
2007-12-27 10:16:09 · answer #10 · answered by vintagemale1951 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋