Someone posted a question here a few days ago about being uninvited to someone's home for Christmas. I was also invited to a friend's house. Although the invitation wasn't reneged, I felt like an outsider invading the homeland. I was informed they would be eating at noon. I arrived about 11:45 AM with a casserole to share. My friend was still in her nightgown. She said I should go and sit in the living room, then I was totally ignored for the next 2 hours. They didn't eat until after 2 PM. Nobody sampled any of my casserole as it was cold by then. After the meal, I handed out gifts. They opened them, said blandly "Thank you" then expressed no further interest in them. Then my friend went in the living room and fell asleep in the recliner. Her son slept on the sofa. Her husband sat in the kitchen and her daughter decided she wanted to watch TV. Nobody talked to me. When I tried to talk, I was shushed. I left around 5 PM with my casserole and no reciprocal gifts. I felt a little put off.
2007-12-26 23:16:30 · 26 answers · asked by weakestlink11 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I ran out of room on the first post. I wanted to add that I did mention my concerns to her yesterday. She defended the behavior by saying that it was because she had her son and daughter both home at the same time. Her daughter lives and works in another state and her son is away at college, so having them both home, she had to give her attention priority to them. Also her husband suffers from clinical depression, so he is very withdrawn. That why he stayed in the kitchen and didn't interact. Their tradition is to watch this certain movie that plays over and over again on TV on Christmas and they really can't carry on conversation while they are watching. But I still think its kind of stupid to watch the same thing over and over while ignoring guests
2007-12-27 00:50:39 · update #1
These people are probably just being themselves and doing what they always do in Christmas. Your friend may have invited you out of pity because of some situation in your life - like a recent loss of a relative or such. Also, you are HER friend, and her other family members may not know you. Did you bring the gifts on the spur? If you did, don't expect them to recipricate. They may have felt guilty because if this, hence the cool reaction to your generosity. Also, they may just prefer their own traditional dishes and not want to eat something they are not used to having on Christmas. To most people it would be like having standing ribs on Thanksgiving instead of turkey. I'd just let it go and be grateful that your friend opened her home to you at all. Remember, she was under no obligation and you may have expected a party that was the same as what you were used to in your own family.
2007-12-26 23:38:38 · answer #1 · answered by debodun 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A bit long but...
Did they invite you because they knew you would otherwise be alone on Christmas? Because that's what it sounds like.
I'm sorry you were treated rudely and you will know better next year. But I have to say - at least she thought to have you over. She could have ignored you like everyone else did - or did you have other invitations? Even though it sounds like a very laid back and boring day to me - was it better than spending the day alone? At least you came away with something to complain about - rather than feeling bad because no one even cared to make sure you weren't alone on Christmas Day. Did you offer to help with the meal preparation or clean up?
It sounds like you went with the expectations of having a party, being a guest, and having a day like your family would. But instead you got their lackluster version of hospitality and were treated like a member of their family.
Next year - find out who else is spending Christmas alone and invite them over to your place. You can show them proper hospitality and enjoy the day. Be sure to mention that you have gifts so that noone is left wondering if they should bring anything.
This year - thank the woman properly for inviting you (she was trying to do a nice thing, even if it didn't work out so well), wish her well with her children and her husband.
Not sure how much experience you have with dealing with clinically depressed people - but it is an awful disease and having someone in the house who has it can bring down the entire household - I feel sorry for your friend and her children having to deal with a depressed husband/father. Your description of the way everyone acted lends me to think that it may not be just the husband who is dealing with depression.
Best Wishes for a fun and wonderful New Year!!
2007-12-27 01:31:10 · answer #2 · answered by Mirage 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man I am so sorry for what happened and hate that you had such a bad Xmas. Unfortunately there is really not much you can do but learn from it. But I am sure you will never go over there again for Xmas. If you do not have family and want something to do on Xmas next year, why don't you volunteer like serving meals at a shelter or something like that there is nothing that makes a person feel good more than helping those in need.
2007-12-27 01:21:09 · answer #3 · answered by tnbadbunny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I'm sorry that you had to spend your holiday that way.
If you were invited, you should have been treated as a guest. It seems that you were not. I host the holiday at my home every year. I give the guests a specific time and when they show up, brunch is ready. We all talk and everyone leaves with a full belly and atleast one gift.
Did you friend tell you that they weren't doing anything special for the holiday? Did she tell you not to bring anything? Were you the only guest? Are you usually a guest in her home, or are you more like family?
I would feel a little put off too. But, at least you know not to spend the holiday with her next year.
2007-12-27 00:33:57 · answer #4 · answered by Kara 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm terribly sorry you had such a horrible experience. I would certainly have not been so patient and polite as you were, you are the model guest. I would definately not return unless the hostess apologized for her and her family's downright rude behavior, and offered an explanation as to why you were invited if you were to be ignored. I hope you have a wonderful new year's, and hopefully your next Christmas will be better :)
2007-12-27 01:29:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friends' behavior was inexcusable. Obviously that's no way to treat a guest. I'd drop these boors from my social list immediately.
The only thing I could suggest to avoid this happening in the future is to listen very carefully when you get an invitation. Some people are in the habit of saying, "Oh you must stop by Christmas Day, we'd love to see you" when they don't mean it at all.
But again, even if that's what happened, it doesn't excuse them in any way. Hold your head up high and know you did the right thing by not being rude to them in return.
2007-12-26 23:53:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
While your friend's family Christmas traditions sound boring and cold to me, that's just the way she does it! People have different Christmas celebrations, and different attitudes toward Christmas. My inlaws also watch The Christmas Story, which plays 7pm-7am over and over on TBS. We watched it once before bedtime, and its a family tradition for them as well. However, we also did the boisterous family dinner and gift-opening tradition as well.
Chalk it up to experience, and don't make the mistake next Christmas of accepting her invitation.
2007-12-27 00:57:36 · answer #7 · answered by Katie G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, thats horrible! Did something hapen between the time you were invited and Christmas dinner day? Were they mad at you for something? Even if they were mad for some reason, a real friend would talk to you about it. Sound like you need new friends. Sorry you had such a bad Christmas. I feel bad for you. I wish you a very Happy New Year!!! P.S. Dont spend it with that same family.
2007-12-26 23:47:22 · answer #8 · answered by vicki s 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry you had to experience something like this. This friend does not sound like a friend at all. Personally, and of course it depends on how long you've known her, but I would probably "fade away" and not visit her home again for a long time, if ever again. These people should not have invited a guest if they knew they were going to behave this way!!
2007-12-27 02:36:43 · answer #9 · answered by Kiwi 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She should have explained all that--about the children being home and the husband's condition--when she invited you. But even so, to invite, then ignore your gifts, offer none in return, reject your food and refuse to engage you in conversation was beyond rude.
We had people drop in unannounced and uninvited on Christmas--they were from the neighborhood and came by to offer their Christmas wishes. We treated them better than your friends treated their invited guest--we invited them in and handed them a plate. That's how you're supposed to act at Christmastime.
2007-12-27 02:35:48 · answer #10 · answered by julz 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋