Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.
Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?
Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.
Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.
Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.
Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.
Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.
Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.
Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
2007-12-23 22:31:10 · 25 answers · asked by free the weed 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Q. When will my baby start talking?
A. Usually 8 to 12 months, but they won't make sense until they're about 25 years.
2007-12-23 22:38:20 · answer #1 · answered by Pragmatism Please 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
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If you’re straining during bowel movements, there is no doubt that you are suffering from constipation, and obesity only heightens your chance of experiencing these digestive issues. The best solution for hemorrhoids is to not have them at all!
2016-02-10 13:35:37 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
excellent simply awesome
I'd give it a 10 on 10
by the way are you the daddy
2007-12-23 22:42:16 · answer #3 · answered by zwinger1234567 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very funny. Thanks.xx
2007-12-24 11:32:12 · answer #4 · answered by Heidi. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2017-03-02 04:16:01 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice 1 baby!
2007-12-23 22:43:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So very, very true!!
Star for you!!
10/10
Oh, and a Merry Christmas to you!!
2007-12-23 22:35:24 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah baby yeah.
2007-12-23 22:56:02 · answer #8 · answered by Grace 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
marvellous
good collection of jokes
you deserve minimum 100stars
2007-12-23 23:15:50 · answer #9 · answered by a k 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who's the daddy?
2007-12-23 22:33:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋