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July 07 my mom and dad got drunk and blasted on my husband in front of our daughter who got soo upset that she was literally sick. This has happened to me before in past with promises that will never happen again. My dad starts drinking and all out of no where will become crazy voilent and start yelling and cutting down the person who hes with at the time... even wanting to get physical!! since my mom to whom i was very close with has never stood up to him and then always blames something else for his actions she is just as bad!! well i am having my sis niece and other family over christmas eve and now she starts calling my sis for a guilt trip.. she is only 5 min away from me and this will be their 1st christmas alone and YES i do feel horrible but they have caused so much hurt in my life and my childs that why should i even feel sorry for them!! maybe if they would have gotten help over summer and realize how truley hurtful my dads words r then it would b different.IS THIS WRONG OF M

2007-12-23 21:02:15 · 7 answers · asked by Hope h 1 in Family & Relationships Family

7 answers

You do not have to spend the holidays, or any day, around someone who is abusive and violent... or someone who puts up with a drunk, either.

Having christmas the way you want it, without your mother and father, is all about setting boundaries, and self-preservation. It's nothing to feel badly over, you are not the one who caused it. It's not your fault you're uncomfortable around your parents.

You have the right to spare yourself the agnony.

Hon, i'm a recovering alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic, so was his brother and father. My mother was sober, but she was deeply affected by alcohlics all her life - her parents, aunt, uncle, were alcoholics. My sisters both drink too much and so does one of my nephews... so you see, i have been there.

I would highly suggest you seek help for YOU and your child and husband. Try attending a few alanon meetings... Alanon is a support group for people whose lives have been affected by an alcoholic. You will be shocked to learn many people are living the same life you have been... on account of an alcoholic.

You can find Alanon on the web, too.

Your mom is enabling your father to continue by making excuses and "taking care" of him..... just symptoms of a co-dependent personality.


You are definitely not wrong! And i hope this is the first step on your own road to recovery. We are all affected by alcoholism and most of us could use help in our own recovery. Drinking affects everyone.

2007-12-23 21:26:26 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1 0

You are not wrong in the least, if nothing else opened their eyes, including making their own grandchild sick with their behaviour, then maybe this will. And if it don't, well then that is on them. You are doing the right thing by protecting your child and making the holiday alot more happy by not exposing her or your neice to that kind of behaviour. I would call my mother and tell her as much as you love her and your father, you just can't put your child through another christmas like the past ones. Encourage her to seek help and to try to persuade your father to do the same, but do NOT give in and include them until they actually sincerely do so!

2007-12-23 21:15:02 · answer #2 · answered by mrsmommaid 3 · 1 0

Oh my god, i am in the same situation almost, my mother sounds just like yours, my father is a horrible and this christmas only my brother and his family are invited to my home. as for my outlook on my mother it is her fault for not standing up to my dad. he is one of the most hate filled people on this earth. your child does not need to be exposed to your father's rants and violence. keep her away from him, this affects her more than you will ever know, don't let your mother put the guilt trip on you. make them spend their first christmas alone, maybe they will realize how wrong they are and have been. don't give in , do it for your daughter so her christmas is not ruined.

2007-12-23 22:19:07 · answer #3 · answered by Ginger M 2 · 0 0

wow, this is difficult but you took a step in the right direction. stick to your guns and they will eventually change or at least learn to behave themselves when they're around.

my own extended family has been filled with disfunction. now i'm a grown woman with kids of my own we also have disfunction. my 19 y/o son is so foul natured everytime he comes around his dad, sister and I. we walk on egg shells, trying to make sure nothing is said or done that might set him off. but no matter how hard we all try he ends up getting upset over something and goes on & on about it. cussing & sometimes calls me names etc. his friends say he does not act that way around other people. but we are so good to him and he treats us like this. he was the apple of our eye & i'm sure we have spoiled him and somehow cultivated this behavior but now don't know how to make it stop.

we were going to have a nice christmas but yesterday he did it again & now i've had enough. i hope i did the right thing by throwing him out. we question ourselves when we have to take a hard direction with those we love. to force him to spend christmas eve & day alone is pretty harsh & i feel bad too. but it is for the sake of ourselves and families. it will also force them to take a look at themselves and their behavior and perhaps change for the better. you are not wrong at all for excluding them, in fact i believe it was the right thing to do.

2007-12-24 06:48:24 · answer #4 · answered by itsjustme 4 · 0 0

i can understand what ur going through but i havent got any children yet. my mum will be spending the day with my dad, younger and older brothers and my pain in the *** sis but not my husband or myself because she lets my sis act like a 3 yr old but she's 26. They moved her in to their house just to have me move out cause I can't take it and then didn't like that so have been distant with me.

2007-12-23 23:20:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

It's about time you put a stop to them disrupting your life. They have no one to blame but themselves.

2007-12-23 23:25:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

sorry

2007-12-24 00:54:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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