I'm in a tough situation. I had been struggling since 2004. I had a horrible job with a horrible boss. I left the job to then be by my parent’s side. Dad passed away and I remained by mom's side and my granny's side. Both have health problem. After 3 years without working, I’m back on the workforce. I’m working part time. Not the best job but still close enough in my field, Marketing.
I’m still living with mom and helping her out. But it’s out of control. I am flat out used. I barely have time for myself. Just this Sunday, I woke up went shopping with mom. We came back cooked the Christmas meal for the 24th. By the time we were done it was 1am and so I went to feed granny and she was giving me a hard time and didn’t want to be changed. I figured I would take a break, sit down and eat (2:30 am) and then go back finish up with granny.
Mom gets pissed and she is telling to go now take care of granny. Mind you haven’t eaten since i woke up! So i throw my food in the garbage ( I’m to mad to eat). I try to take care of granny she still giving me a hard time and so i go to mom for help. She refuses to come and help me. I'm so pissed and tired of this situation. During the week I work late hours. Mon-Fri I come home at midnight. Only to find no one took care of granny, no one feed her, no one cooked anything for her. But everyone is sitting and chilling.
Am I crazy??? Why is this happening to me? I’m trying not to snap. But a part of me just wants to throw the towel and just jump off some bridge. I’m currently trying to move out. My ticket is an MBA, I pray to go I get accepted because I don’t know what I’m going to do to myself if it doesn't happen. Any advice please?
2007-12-23 19:25:23 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Many, if not most, people will allow someone to do for them if that person is willing to do it. Everyone is used to you doing it all, and, in their minds, it's now your job, whether you like it or not. Your roll, of course, is to be a martyr - you suffer to ensure it all gets done.
It's not clear to me if you've had any serious discussions with your mother about the situation and what she needs to be doing, but, even if you have had any talks with her, it sounds like she's not about to cooperate with any changes around the house. After all, things are just fine for her right now.
I think you definitely need to find a way out of the house, whether it's by either going back to school or in getting a full time job. You need a life for yourself and your mom needs to take care of her own responsibilities. If you honestly think that your grandmother will be neglected if you leave, you must consider putting her in some type of assisted care home or a nursing home, preferably one near where you'll be living so that you can check on her frequently. If that is not an option, I would contact your social services office and ask what type of help you can get. For instance, it might be possible for someone to come check on your grandmother to ensure she is being properly cared for.
You do have some responsibility to family members, but the burden cannot and must not be all yours. I'm especially concerned about you because it sounds like you have no life of your own and are doing nothing right now to build one. You must have a social life outside of your mother's home. The bottom line is that your grandmother and mother will eventually die and you will be all alone if you don't go build a life for yourself.
God bless you.
2007-12-23 19:53:59 · answer #1 · answered by majormomma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do need to move out, hon.. You have too much on your plate
And good old Granny is being neglected (which is the next best thing to abused) by being ignored and wet or messy all day while you are gone. Perhaps it is time for her to go to a place where she can receive better care than your mother is giving.
You're not crazy, you are a caretaking personality...and you obviously have no personal boundaries in place... and people take advantage of you for just this reason.
Personal boundaries are all about conducting our life in a way where people dont use us or walk all over us, as your mom's been doing... Personal boundaries are all about self-preservation.
Certainly Granny needs care, but your mom? You didn't say she was disabled or retarded, so i'm assuming she can help with Granny and take care of herself in the meantime.
It's great to help people like Granny, but taking care of the elderly is a full time job...
Consider what is best for YOU and do it! Get out of there. Your mom needs to take some responsibility and stop acting like a five year old.
hugs
2007-12-23 20:35:35 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't jump off a bridge. That would make me sad. I would turn on the news one day and hear about it. I would know it was you because you just said you would. Listen: Things are in the s-h-i-tter right now but don't worry. Do the best that you can without stressing yourself out. Sometimes we have a bunch of stuff put on our plate, and no one to help us clear it off. THINGS WILL GET BETTER. Maybe not as soon as you like, but they will! Bad things happen to people everyday. You are having a rough time right now. Not to belittle your situation (because your life is important in every way) but there are people out there who don't have families whatsoever. There are children who are taking care of children because their parents either deserted them or died from disease. But anyway, back to you... Don't worry. If you know that you are a good person you have nothing to worry about. Also maybe you need some you time. I'm actually moving to another state because I live in NYC where money rules everything. Maybe you need a change of scenery.
Well...good luck with everything!
2007-12-23 19:43:13 · answer #3 · answered by ForestGirl20 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋