I think it's incredibly selfish. Some people say its the most selfless job. Selfless to the country, maybe. But loving your country more than your family? Asking your family to pick up their lives and follow you around? Not happening. My kids WILL have a stable life, they will stay in one place. This irritates him. He says they won't know who he is. I say, his fault for leaving us. How can I make him change his mind? I WILL NOT stand for this. He has a family to think of.
2007-12-23 18:06:33 · 17 answers · asked by Me 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Yuriy, how in the HELL could I have known he would just up and want to join the military? It's impossible to discuss EVERY topic before marriage. and how DARE YOU condemn my bringing children in to the world! after years of heartbreak and miscarriage, it just kills me that he doesn't want to be with his family, that we worked so hard and waited so long and shed so many tears for.
2007-12-23 18:39:53 · update #1
Military life is very hard for some spouses to deal with. I don't think you are being selfish, you are being honest. Since you are already married and have children....this should be a mutual decision. That's what marriage is....a partnership...you are not obligated to automatically agree with every decision he makes, but you also should not automatically discount everything he wants to do. Tell him your feelings (without being argumentative) and listen to his. You can't make him change his mind, but when he realizes that the military life just isn't for you, he may think twice. If not, you will be the one with the big decision to make.
2007-12-24 01:16:50 · answer #1 · answered by redhairedgirl 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Who is the selfish one again? That would be you. Your husband wants to join and do his part to defend his country, and take care of YOU and your CHILDREN (very well I might say) in the mean time. The military is a GREAT life and I believe it teaches the children more than it hurts them. It teaches them about sacrifice, about appreciating what you have and the here and now because you dont know what tomorrow brings, it teaches that YES there are people in this country who will stand up and fight for right, that their DADDY is a HERO. And you know, when you live on an installation, every child that your child goes to school with is going through the exact same thing. There is a common bond with soldiers, with wives, and the children in the military and you wont find bonds like this ANYWHERE. WE are a family. You dont want to be in our family, and you are missing out. I know that no matter WHAT I need, my needs will be met. Either by the military, or by my friends and neighbors.
I miss my husband alot, but he is doing his job, which he LOVES to do. And because I LOVE HIM, I support him and the mission 110%. I love my life, wouldnt trade it for the world. You might find that the benefits outweigh the negatives. Try to look past what you THINK the military is like and listen to those that live it.
2007-12-24 00:21:19 · answer #2 · answered by an88mikewife 5 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Im a little offended by your question and I do feel it is very self-centered.
I actually found that growing up on military bases was better then staying in one place. I learned about the world, I understand how things work for the entire country, not just one town.
I also noticed that on post schools are often better then off post schools and living on base is a whole lot safer then when we had to live off base.
I have friends all over the world and none of that would have been possible if my mother had your opinions.
Not to mention that I always had healthcare and dental as a child... no matter what.
From his point of view, he is thinking of his family by taking care of them, providing for them and protecting them. Its not about loving your country more then your family.
My life was VERY stable. You almost imply that military children are practially abused in your condensation of the lifestyle.
You need to discuss this more with your husband... both of you need to have open minds.... but one thing you have to think about, what would be more stable for the children, following thier father, or bouncing between two parents.
After seeing both on post and off post conditions, and military and civilian life, the military offers a lot more.
2007-12-23 21:37:59 · answer #3 · answered by mnbvcxz52773 7 · 4⤊ 3⤋
People with families should not join the military! Anyone that has a family should be thinking and doing everything they can to support that family. And joining the military makes that impossible! Military should only be single people best with no attachments what so ever! All military people with families should be discharged immediately so they can progress in a civilian environment only! They are all a threat to the success of the mission and in the military the mission always comes first! In fact police should also be single and unattached as well!
2007-12-23 23:18:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
You two being married you should talk about things like joining the military. But at the same time if he thinks that is what is best for YOU YOU YOU YOU and the kids then you should make some sacrifices. Sometimes you will have to move away from your mom and dad. If you love and support your husband in anyway then you will follow him. If he has wife and kids and wants to join then he must be mature so trust his decision.
2007-12-23 19:44:19 · answer #5 · answered by ATCMoore 2 · 4⤊ 3⤋
Are you saying that your selfishness is more important than “his selfishness?”
Kids can have a stable life with a father who is only home a month or two out of the year. He’ll also have to serve in the US at some time throughout his career where he’ll be able to go home every night… It’s also not about loving his country more than his family. I, for example, love my family and one my main reasons for joining is so I can do more part in creating a better future for them (in several ways).
However, if you are so strictly opposed to him joining the military, perhaps this is something you two should have discussed before bringing children into the world. I say to you, that if you love him, you support him and do one of the most difficult jobs out there…military wife.
2007-12-23 18:35:35 · answer #6 · answered by Yuriy 5 · 7⤊ 4⤋
Ever think that maybe he IS thinking of his family by joining?
He'd have a steady job/paycheck. He'd be getting paid a bit EXTRA than just his base pay solely to take care you and your children. Great health care. Safe, on-base environment for you and your kids. And if he doesn't have a degree yet, he can get FREE schooling to be able to get an amazing job when he
gets out, thereby enabling himself to provide even more in the future.
As far as your kids, I know a lot of military brats, and they have fine lives. Their childhoods weren't "messed up" by moving around or by their parents being deployed.
And think this to yourself:
"So, Makenzie, why did you and your husband get a divorce?"
"Oh, well, he wanted to go defend our country, and he wanted to be able to provide a better life and future for me and the kids, and I just wasn't having that."
Doesn't sound too great does it? Well, that's basically what you're saying.
I hope you two work things out.
But to be honest, if it weren't for you having children together, I would hope he'd divorce you in a second for you trying to stomp all over his goals to make YOUR life better.
2007-12-23 20:04:47 · answer #7 · answered by Jonny B 4 · 4⤊ 3⤋
what an incredibly selfish little child you are. let me guess, you were daddy's little princess that got everything you ever wanted, and never once were told no. he's selfish??? look in the mirror. THATS the one being selfish. never mind the fact that the kids will get a good education on base, military schools are rated far better than any public school, health care anytime you want it, you don't pay sales tax when you shop on base, and the housing on post is free. gee sounds like you are getting the short end of the stick to me. i've been in the army for 15 yrs, been deployed several times for more than a year away, and my kids are very well adjusted. in fact my oldest has just recently joined the air force. and my youngest is interested in joining the marines. i've been to every country in europe, israel, egypt, canada, panama, saudi arabia, kuwait, and iraq. i even took my family with me when i went to germany for three years. they loved it. you are one selfish individual.
2007-12-23 19:26:52 · answer #8 · answered by dsm37127 6 · 7⤊ 3⤋
"I WILL NOT stand for this."
Do you have the kind of marriage where you are the boss? If so, then you have every right to say this. Otherwise, YOU are the one choosing to leave your children fatherless, not him.
btw, the military is a GREAT life for a family. Your kids tend to grow up with two-parent families, they get a world full of education, and they grow closer to one another. Yes, there are hardships, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. It's a grand adventure. It doesn't have to be unstable. As the wife, YOU'RE the one who determines its stability - are you happy, cheerful, and supportive? The kids will know that and be secure.
It isn't about "loving your country more than your family." It's about loving your family enough to serve.
2007-12-23 18:46:34 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 6⤊ 4⤋
There are really only three choices you have:
1) Support his decision completely.
2) Dont support it and stay with him, let your lack of support tear your marraige to shreds.
3) Leave him
Sorry, but that is the honest truth.
I've had to face these facts from his side. and it isnt as easy as you might think. Remember, it is a garaunteed paycheck every two weeks, free health care, free housing.
Show me a job outside of the military that will give you all of that with out a PHD.
The fact is, he has already made up his mind, and this is how he chooses to support you, he is thinking about you, but are you thinking about him? About his feelings? You might want to step back and look at it from his side.
Plus, with the Army these days, once you get out of basic and AIT, you get stationed at your first duty station, in most cases, over 5 years. That is five years of stability at a minimum.
As for it being his fault to leave you, its not anyones fault, as it is nothing to be faulted for. He is choosing a noble calling that most men these days are to afraid to answer, you should be proud of him. You should be proud that your husband has the fortitute to stand up for what he thinks is right.
Thats my $0.02
2007-12-23 18:26:48 · answer #10 · answered by imthevoiceofgod 5 · 4⤊ 4⤋