I am at my wits end 8 year old won't got to bed?

Question

I am at my wits end 8 year old won't got to bed then when he finally gets there, he gets up several times. It is like there is an force pushing him out of bed. The past two night he was up until 1030. I have no support from my husband. I say the bed time is 830 and it is a joke. I've tried several techinques including staying in the door way, not talking when putting him back. I don't give him sugar or caffiene. We exercise daily. He is a brilliant child who reads 3 grade levels above so I know he understands what I am saying but just does not listen. By the end of the day I am exhausted dealing with him, my husband and his twin brother, I have no more patience. I just don't understand why he just doesn't GO TO SLEEP. Any suggestions are helpful. But no I am not going to medicate my child. Thanks.

Answer 1

I have a little night owl myself. I have made it mandatory that she goes to bed and at least is quiet so that she isn't disturbing anyone else. If she doesn't there are consequenses, such as no TV or no friends coming over. I do allow her to read in bed, which she also loves to do. This does help her calm down, and I have found that she is asleep within an hour or so after I put her to bed. Her bedtime is also 8:30.

Answer 2

You've probably already established that there's no medical reason like a bladder or urinary tract infection or diabetes for it. Ritalin is a psychostimulant and one of the side effects might be increased urine frequency but a dose that early in the morning shouldn't affect him into the night. You could try some behavior modification therapy. First, make sure he eliminates or cuts down on the caffeinated and high sugar drinks and sodas as they contribute to the increase in urinary frequency. You could then look into these specialized pads that your child would sleep on that ring an alarm when it gets wet (not sure about the name or brand but I'm sure you could find it if you google it or ask a child psychologist or psychiatrist). You may have to be vigilant at first and wake him up as soon as the alarm rings, perhaps have his bed in your room or sleep in his room. Wake him up right away and walk him over, don't carry him, to the bathroom and have him urinate. Depending on your child, it might take a while to train him to wake up when his bladder is full. Most likely, his bladder muscles have matured enough if he can hold it in during the day and go when it's appropriate. However, he hasn't learned to wake up when his bladder muscles have expanded. Also, make sure he urinates before he goes to bed as a preventative. If you ask around, a professional, such as a child psychologist or psychiatrist, who specializes in child behavior modification should be able to help should you need further or more aggressive intervention. Good Luck! P.S. to all those that question her parenting skills: Get off your high horses and stop with the judgement! Attention Deficit/ Hyperacticvity Disorder (ADHD) is a real childhood and adult psychiatric disorder that when properly diagnosed, which this mom has likely ensured, except for the most benign and most manageable cases, requires real psychological, behavioral and/or medical intervention. You can't call someone lazy for asking for help unless you walk a mile in their footsteps...

Answer 3

You need to set up consequences for his behavior. If there is no consequence than, of course he is going to try and stay up later. Is there something he really likes to do(ex-play video games, watch tv, computer, etc). Lets say he gets to watch two hours of tv a day. If he gets out of bed once he loses 1/2 hour, if he gets out twice he loses another 1/2 hour(hour total), three times and he loses tv completely.

I would set up a chart that has pictures of tvs on them(still going with the same example). As he gets up you remove the tv pictures(this way he can see he is losing the time). he may not care as much the night he is losing them, but he will the next day when he see he cannot watch the television because he does not have tv time.

If that does not work, then what you have used is not his motivator and you need to find something else.

Not giving him attention and taking him back to his room is a very effective way. It does not always work the first time, or even the second. Are you sure you were doing the technique correctly? One the first night your son may test you resolve and continue to come out. When he does just lead him back to the room to the bed, tell him it time for bed and walk out. Second time say nothing, and every time continue to say nothing. You cannot give ANY recognition(even eye contact) that he is up, even one slip up(yelling, talking,etc) will teach him that if he does it long enough eventually you will crack and he can get attention from the behavior. The first night may take 2 hours, but if you are doing it correctly than the second night will be less(maybe 1.5 hours). The same things goes for the second night, any attention(yelling, talking, etc) will negate everything you did that night and the night before and it will be like starting from the beginning again. The third night will be less.

Here the kicker on this technique which most parents do not know. He may begin to go to bed at 8:30 after you do this successfully, however there will be a period after, where the behavior will peak again(its a testing period). Its apart of behavior modification. It looks like this -- initial behavior -- extinguishing period(where it looks as if your efforts paid off) -- peak in undesirable behavior(where most parents think it didn't work, since the behavior gets worse) -- final extinguish of the behavior(if you stick to your guns the child realizes you are not budging and gives in).

The peak period is hard to deal with, but it is the final stage of bad behavior. Just ignore and lead him back to the room, same as you did on day one.

Answer 4

I've been in the same boat Sweetie. My 9 year old has gone through the same exact thing!!! Does he have a night light? Any fears? I finally sat down with my son one night at bed time and just talked about it. I asked him what was up, why he felt the need to get up several times a night. I suggested leaving a hall light on for him which finally got him to own up to having a bit of fear of the dark. At bed time I spend a few minutes with him going over the day, make sure he has a cup of water, and give him an extra hug if he needs it. Then I remind him if he gets out of bed or calls my name that he will lose a privilege the next day. It has really helped. I believe mine just needed that extra little bit of one on one time with me he was feeling was missing.

Good luck!!! I know it's hard. I'm a single mom of 2 so I know at bedtime I'm ready to crash. Just try to be patient. If he sees your frustration he may still be getting up to try to make things right with you but doesn't realize it's only making you more frustrated in the end.

Answer 5

obviously he's not tired at 8:30 which is pretty early to me anyway...my daughter was going to bed at 10:00 when she was eight. His brilliance has no point that pertains to the subject here at all other than you're trying to brag. Obviously this is an attempt to make yourself look good. Frankly you look a bit moronic to me doing battle with an eight year old over bedtime.
He needs a regular routine that he goes through every evening. Make sure that at least a half hour before bedtime the television is OFF. There should be NO television, NO game system (Including hand held), NO cellphones in his room. Since he can read so well allow him to read no longer than a half hour then lights out. Try playing soft music.

Answer 6

If he understands why it's important for his physical & emotional health to go to sleep at 8:30, then it sounds like the two of you need to brainstorm ways to help him create this habit for himself. Ask him what he thinks will work best to create the new habit. Help him to work his new plan.

Does he need artificial rewards & punishments - a star chart kind of thing? Or, does he learn well from natural consequences & taking a sense of personal pride in his accomplishments?

Does he need to create a bedtime ritual for himself, moving it up 15 minutes every couple of days? Could he read himself to sleep? How about some soothing music or a nice warm shower before bed? What is it that he's thinking of when he's staying up late? Help him resolve whatever the issues are that are keeping him from sleep.

Answer 7

try changing his bedtime to 9:30 and see if he's exhausted after a week or two?

let his school teacher know you are having issues getting him to go to sleep and ask her if she'd let you know if he seems to be falling to sleep by having the later bedtime? dont' let your child know you've spoken with the teacher.

your child may agree that 9:30 is a good, new bedtime. you can let him know that, since he doesn't seem to require so much sleep, you are extending the bedtime. tell him that if he is too tired after a week or two, his bedtime will have to change back to 8:30 without question.

i had two sons. one of them had to go to bed very early, or he was a grump the following day. the other son's bedtimes were later by 1-2 hours as he grew up -- he just didn't seem to require as much sleep.

this is the best solution i can think of. i hope you get some good answers.

Answer 8

You Could Make Him Tired By Getting Him Running Alot Or Stay Up Late Untill He Realizes When He Should Go To Bed

Answer 9

I would suggest marrage counseling. Sounds like you and your husband are not on the same course for bringing up your children.

You will not succeed so long as your husband thinks its all a joke. The kids will follow the path of least resistance, so Dad has the power in this one.

Answer 10

Read, "To Train Up a Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl