My girlfriend thinks that she talks too much in our conversations and i need to talk more.?

Question

I have been going out with my girlfriend for a month and just recently she has brought up that she monopolizes the conversations and that she wants me to talk more. But i really like to listen and reply back to wat she says. When i try to think of sumthings to say or try to talk about sumthing i cant.

what do i do?

i really appreciate the feedback. For all of those telling me to tell her to shut up i want to point out she feels she talks to much i dont feel that she does tho

Answer 1

Oh geez, this is familiar. I used to get annoyed with an ex of mine who I am still friends with because of this. I used to think he was ignoring me half the time because I would keep talking and he would barely respond. Finally he explained to me that he just likes to listen.

If you really don't know what to talk about, just be sure to be responsive to her. If she is joking around smile and laugh. Look her in the eyes and give her feedback (nodding, saying "that's cool", etc.) when she is talking to you. Ask her how her day was every day and then if you find something interesting about her day then you can talk about that. When all else fails, compliment her. There is not much a girl would rather hear her boyfriend say than "You're beautiful."

If you are chatting online just look for funny pictures and interesting stuff on the net and send her the links and you can talk about them.

Its also a great idea to go to the movies or rent a movie when you are on dates because that way you can enjoy eachothers company without having to talk for like an hour and a half, and after the movie you have the movie to talk about for a couple of minutes. Tickle fights can also be fun; you don't have to talk much and you get a good laugh.

Answer 2

Communication is key. I used to be in your position with my bf, and he brought up the same thing with me. I let him know that I'm the quiet type and it takes some time for me to open up. I also told him that I like listening to him talk and that that was one of the reasons I found him so interesting and likeable. Also, and this may be just me, but I was still nervous around him since we were still just getting to know everything about each other, so I was afraid, leading me to blank out on topics. Turns out that he just wasn't used to "monopolizing" the conversation and was feeling like I either didn't care, wasn't happy, or was mad at him. After I got more comfortable with him though, I became fearless and just as chatty. My advice, tell her how you feel and make sure she's not misinterpreting your silence as indifference. Let her know you care. I think being upfront and sincere, especially as a guy, is very endearing. If she's the right person for you, she'll understand and let you grow.

Answer 3

I have noticed a lot of people giving you the advice to give her the "this is just me baby" line, and I promise you, if she has told you that she feels this way, it took her awhile to get to the point where she said something, and the last thing she wants at this point is for you to minimize her feelings by copping out. It isn't fair for you to expect her to carry the conversation in your relationship all the time. Communication is EVERYTHING in a relationship.

All conflict begins with unfulfilled expectations. Usually unfulfilled expectations begin with undelivered communications. If you don't tell her what you need, want, think about.. she is left only to make an assumption, which is not fair to her at all. If you really have feelings for her, then you should respect the fact that she openly told you what she needed from you. This is your chance to shine. Step up and tell her what you need from her.. and possibly its just a balance between conversation and "comfortable silence." There is something to be said for both. She trusted you with her feelings, so don't step on them by trivializing them. Maybe all it would take is a few affirming statements from you. Sometimes it takes nothing more than rephrasing and repeating her statement back to her. If she says " I was thinking about cutting my hair." You say "So your looking for a change in your appearance." It shows you are interested and listening and she will pick up where she left off.

I hope sincerely this helps.

Answer 4

OK, she was married to the guy and they have a child. That is a pretty big committment and will mean that this guy, whether you like it or not, is going to be around. However, he should not be a dominant feature in your conversations. I hate to say it, but I think if she was completely over him, she wouldn't want to sit around talking about him all the time, particularly if you have already expressed discomfort with it. You must take in to consideration that he was unfaithful to her, and she is obviously angry with him. The thing is, she probably ended the marriage right? So she is probably continuing to attempt to justify her decision to leave. Why would she do this? I'm guessing she might feel bad for her daughter. So by continually putting this guy down and venting about him and reminding herself about all his negative pints, she can feel more secure in her decision. As for the comments about guys coming on to her, I think you can apply a pretty similar principle. Think about it. Her husband cheated. There is nothing that will mess with a woman's self esteem more. She obviously is very insecure in herself. By telling you that guys find her attractive, she is reinforcing to you that she is a desirable woman, and not just to you, but to herself. I think she still has alot of issues from her imminent divorce, which is understandable given what he did to her. If it is a really significant issue, you need to really reinforce to her that it is coming between you and that it is pushing you away. If it continues, then I suggest it's time to face that she isn't entirely over this guy and needs to reassess her decision (no matter how much she says she did the right thing)

Answer 5

My boyfriend is the same exact way. I've brought it up to him many times in the past.. but it doesn't really change anything. So now, i just accept it.

Some "advice" I gave to him (which didn't work for him but MIGHT work for you):
-say whatevre comes to mind.. no need to think about it
-if you are listening in the first place, give your thoughts about what was said.. or add something to it, a similar experience perhaps
-make conversation about ANYTHING
- you dont HAVE to talk about things that go on physically around you like "how was your day" topics. give your beliefs/opinions on a certain topic and ask for hers.. you can get to know alot about a person from conversations like that

Answer 6

What you should do is think of a topic for your conversation that you know you will be interested in and she has to also(could be like a sport you both like, maybe thinking about the first day you guys met or something like that) Once you have your conversation topic, start talking to her and make sure you talk and not just listen because if you just listen she will think you are just not interested in what shes saying. Listen and speak, that's the key to a good relationship!

Hope I Helped!

~Firtula!

Answer 7

Try taking her somewhere that is within your comfort zone. If you like bowling....take her out bowling. If youre interested in basketball or football or whatever boys do....take her to an event where you are able to easily talk about something you enjoy. This will help you become more comfotable talking to girls...try not to talk 'at' her but 'to' her...yes theres a difference and yes [most] girls notice the difference.

Most times when girls say that guys need to talk more its because they feel insecure about whether or not you really like her. Other times, its because the girl may think youre not interesting enough for her, or you arent smart enough....be careful this could lead into a quick break up. Hate to break it to ya but its tough love....been there and done that. Anyway, hope that helps. Whatever you do, make sure that you are respectful....be a gentleman =).

Answer 8

I have been in the same situation with guys I date. Sometimes they talk so fast I can't even think of anything to say in time before they talk again. It can be frustrating. I also like to listen. But, all I can say is to maybe start trying to steer the conversation to something you both are interested in and then take over when she gives you the chance.

Answer 9

Girls like for guys to talk because it gives them a chance to learn more about the guy. Your girlfriend may be offended because she thinks you don't want to open up to her. She may feel that she is revealing too much about herself and you're not divulging enough. If you can't find anything to talk to her about maybe you don't know enough about her. Try finding out what you guys have in common so that your conversations can center around mutual interests. While everyone can appreciate a good listener, no one wants to feel as if they're talking to a wall.

Answer 10

U need to talk more. This is very important to build a strong relationship, and girls like guys who talk. You can talk to her about anything, just be yourself. Instead of replying back to what she says, ask questions for a change. Ask her things you want to know about her like who's her favorite hero, if she could have any superpower which one would she choose. You could also have a lot of philosophical conversations with her. Tell her about yourself. Just speak up, and don't be afraid to tell her how you feel. I am sure you would think of something to say there are so many things politics, religion, questions about how things work, life, sports, that boring movie you saw last night. Try to listen to what she is saying and relate to your experience.