Who is at fault?

Question

Ok here is the situation

I was asked to go to my cousins house and he wasn't there. Thats fine that he wasn't there however, my car does not want to start so I call him. He says he'll be there in 5 minutes because he's almost done with whatever he was doing. But... he doesn't show for 45 minutes so I am pissed because he clearly explained that where he was and what he was doing it should not take more then 5 minutes to get there. Now I was like alright forget this guy i'm walking home. This isn't the first incidence that he has clearly let down me or a family member especially when your stuck. So then after walking he calls me an hour and half later saying that hes there now. Well let me tell you after that I let him have I cursed him out and everything. Because it wasn't the first time this has happened. Now then he comes into my home and threatens to kill me to my mother. Who is at fault at getting yelled at here in this situation and who do you feel got totally snubbed?

Oh by the way after he threatened to kill me and all this I don't consider this guy family anymore. Not like I did in the first place. He also had no excuse to why he was over an hour late

It was wrong for me to curse. I know that but do you think I should speak to him again or even consider this guy family anymore?

Answer 1

You are both at fault. Your cousin more that you. You know he is unreliable and let yourself be put in that situation yet again. He was wrong for not being there when he said he would. But you shouldn't have cursed him out. As for threating you and your mom, tell her and let her talk to his parents.

Answer 2

Well I would say your some what at fault for lossing your cool by even talking to him when he called and you were so angry at him! and telling him off the way you did, But he's more at fault by not showing up when he said he would when you were stranded because your car wouldn't start! He seems to be very disrespectful to others feels and can't be trusted!

Many are saying it's yours too because you knew what kind of a unreliabe person he is and yet you went to his place! I know he's your cousin and you may have wanted to give him a chance to be honest for once, but it back fired! As soon as you got pissed because he never showed up, you should have just left it at that!

Then you should have called some friends or what ever and went and got your car and then just washed your hands from the whole mess and not having anything to do with your cousin any more! That would have been the best way to handle the whole situation!

Now as far as him coming to your home and threating your life is very illegal, and it seems he's a very hard headed out of control person and any further contact with him would be totally insane on your part! If your Mom is very angry about the whole thing explain everythiing to her so at least she won't think you caused the whole problem!

And ask her to tell your cousin never to come around the house again because of his threating remarks and that you and your Mom don't need him threating life's! and if he does come back and threatens again, call the police immediately!!!

Answer 3

OK, lets do a rewrite in plain English:

You were driving around in a car that you had not taken proper care of and it broke down. Your responsibility.

He was late, probably because of things that he considered out of his control, Like you and your car problems.

He thinks that the problem will be solved in 5 minutes and ends up taking 45 minutes. Then the problem takes him another hour and a half ( twice that). Over 85 minutes involved in who knows what trying to get whatever right. Not a good day for your cousin!

So you top it off by cursing him out and behaving like he planned it all just to cause you such horrible inconvenience?

And now you think you have the right to disown him, Wow! You sure got a lot of nerve.

The killing stuff is different though. If you think that he was serious and has the ability and inclination to fallow through, call the cops.

Yes, I believe an apology is needed here. Guess what, It's not who you would pick first.

Answer 4

Okay. I think that He's at fault, but so are you in a way. Because although he did say that he would be there in 5minutes you shouldnt have assumed he was in fact going to be there in 5minutes, sometimes things happen and people get distracted... I know it's happened to me before.... He's also at fault because he should have called to inform you that he was going to be a little longer than anticipated. Since he didnt he should have apoligized for running late and making you wait. He was also wrong in threatning you, because he made a small problem into a huge one. Your some what at fault because you let your anger get the best of you. And if you knew that he was known for leaving people hangging then you should have found another person to call and give you a lift. You could have been the bigger person in the situation and said "It's cool, I'm already walking home. Or, I found someone else to give me a lift." and should have left it as that, and walked away with the knowledge of knowing that he was not to be trusted in situations like that. But, over all he's at fault.

Answer 5

You already knew your cousin was unreliable BEFORE this incident, so now you're expecting him to CHANGE? Don't hold your breath, ok?

I have a friend who will tell me "I wil be ready in five minutes." Umm yes, i know it will be at least 1 - 2 hours, not five minutes..

I have accepted her at face value and realize she has no concept of time or what she is saying. I still like her.

If i couldn't accept the fact that HER five minutes is my 1 or 2 hours, then i wouldn't be her friend, i guess?

And by the way, it wasn't your cousin's fault you had car trouble... but im' sure that made the waiting and walking home worse.

take care, and just try to accept your cousing for what he is == ALWAYS LATE.

Answer 6

a. Not everyone is considerate of others - but you should have been the bigger man and not cursed him out - that's what 2 year olds do.

b. Him threatening to kill you - that's wrong - and again, that's what 2 year olds do.

So, get yourself a car that is reliable and don't deal with this guy anymore. The fault lies with both of you because you both acted like 2 year olds. Start acting like a man - time to grow up. Don't curse people out or insult them just because you are angry at them being inconsiderate. You are going to run into a lot of inconsiderate people in your life - so you had better get used to reacting like a man and not a 2 year old.

Answer 7

What you WANT to hear is that your cousin was at fault. But in actuality, since you mentioned a couple of times that this is a pattern with him, I would have to say that you are at fault for choosing to put yourself in a situation where you may have the same thing happen that has clearly happened in the past.

You know he's unreliable and yet you chose to go to his house, wait 45 minutes when he said he'd be there in 5 and then allow yourself to get upset and cuss him out when he was just doing what you know he usually does. Sounds like you stepped in it. Take responsibility for your part.

Answer 8

I can see fault in both of your actions, & it seems to me to be pretty mutual.

It all seems to have started with YOUR frustration over your car not starting while at your cousins house. Now tell me, who's responsibility is it to maintain YOUR car? Why did you consider it your cousins responsibility to get home to bail you out of a situation that wasn't really of his making in the 1st place? Yeah, I know he didn't help the situation by saying he'd be there in 5 mins, & then take 9 time longer to get there. BUT, you admit that you already knew he's like this so why in the world did you put yourself in a position where you would need the help of someone who is so unreliable.
Ever heard of AAA?

Now don't get me wrong here. I'm not advocating for your dumb*ss cousin. Yeah you were wrong to cuss him out, but that didn't even come close to justifying his going around making threats to kill you.
I think the both of you are off the scale for being dumb*sses.
You can try to disown him as family, but you two are clearly cut from the same cloth.

I suggest that you 1st try to calm down a bit, & then learn to take some responsibility for the situations you put yourself in.
It is YOUR car that broke down, that is YOUR responsibility, NOT HIS!

Answer 9

He sounds like a totally jerk.. and a coward. Only spineless miscreants have to 'threaten' other people like that. If he even takes a breath on your property again I say call the cops and make him spend a night in jail. God, what a pr-ck!

Answer 10

1st off, why was he late?
if it was no good reason, he was at fault. and yes it was rong of you to cuss at him. and him threatning to kill you is bad too. family is always family, no matter what. and apologize for cussing at you, if he says sory for being late, then its all good. if he doesnt want to be frends anymore, dont bother. but ALWAYS,ALWAYS be nice. no dirty looks, no mean stuff. just be nice.
afterall--"kindness from the heart, is always the greatest way to kill off enimies."
good luck, and hope everything works out.
meryy christmas, and happy new year!