How can I truely be happy?

Question

Im in my mid 20's and my family is completely dysfunctional.

I've stopped looking to them for the traditional family roles, at this point, mom as mom, sister as sister, dad as dad. Thats just not them, apparently.

I dont use this as a crutch, at least I try not to, but Ive been let down a lot in my life.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this, and if so. How do you make it, how do you help yourself be happy and satisfied? I dont want to fall into the same cycle as they did, where nothing is ever good enough for them, and they cant let themselves be happy. It's not a way to live! I want to be happy!

Even one of my friends noticed, that there's no light in my eyes, in pictures. Its like im smiling, but its not coming from inside, its just on the surface?

Answer 1

Find out what you truly want -- success is achieving -- not having.

Answer 2

I come from a dysfunctional family as well. Physical and emotional abuse were common. I remember hiding when my father came home from work. I shouldn't go into more detail, but our family was a mess.

I don't want to be preachy, but the thing that made a huge difference for us was the Book of Mormon. It especially helped me.

From my own experience I can make three suggestions:
1) If you don't already, start to pray to our Heavenly Father. He loves us and wants to help. He is the greatest source of help and happiness that there is. Pray in the name of Jesus Christ.

2) Find people in need and help them. Even small acts of service will start to bring that light back into your life. Things as small as holding a door open or allowing someone else to have the better parking space, are a good start.

3) Read the Book of Mormon. You don't need to make any commitments to anyone, just enjoy the experience. You can get one at www.mormon.org

Answer 3

Finding true happiness takes time and a lot of work. You're making a good start. The key is to not expect people to be anything other than who they are. Accept that they will never meet your expectations because they are who they are and they're just fine as they are. Do the same for yourself. Accept and love yourself exactly as you are. Practice compassion.

Don't allow other people's opinion to be more important than your own when it comes to living your life. Take life one day at a time and be grateful for every moment you're alive. Learn to appreciate the smallest gesture of kindness that someone extends to you and do what you can to help others.

Be aware every moment of what you're thinking and feeling and of the words you use. When you catch yourself in a negative cycle, turn it around to a more positive one. If you find yourself thinking negative things about family members or anyone else, remind yourself that they're doing the best they know how. That's all they can do. Negativity is contagious and so is positivity. Avoid negative people and seek out more positive people. Practice patience.

Practice this every day and one day you'll realize that you're very happy with who you are and with your life exactly as it is. It will take time and it is possible.

Answer 4

Greetings!. We all need hope, including you. I know your life is not easy but keep smiling your inner glow will return;
you seem to know what it is that you want in a traditional family. If your family was ever close to that ideal family in the past you may want to consider giving them a reminder as to how that made you feel so good back then and that you would like to recapture some or all of it back. Praise them each every time you see something you like. Let them know you love them so much. Its not to late even if your an older teen or young adult. They need to know in your love for them that you have noticed that things are not the same or would they reconsider trying to make things better. You can compliment them when they come close to doing the things you are seeking. Every one needs safety and security from their parents and all their family members. Talk it up. Plan an activity. Get them involved "again" and "a new" with you! Do something nice collectively for all of them, "like an unannounced meal (or something else you know would work better), prepared all by you. Soon or in time, they will get it!Even if they don't respond much or not at all. At least you have tryed by providing a model for them to follow as to how good things can really be for every one. I have a feeling you may have already done something like this. If so, keep working at it when you can. My heart and thoughts go out to you during this time.

Bless you in all you do.

Ed

Answer 5

Get your own house, your own place, your own space. Make yourself a happy life - you're an adult now, so you can pick anything you want to do.

Want a job? You can do any job you'd like, work out what you need to do to get there, then do it.

Want to travel? So leave, get a bit of money together and work your way around the world.

Want to party? Then go out and meet people and party.

Do anything you want and stop living your life around your family, it sounds like they bring you down. And think of it this way, happiness is an unrealistic prospect in life, it is a luxury - if you were happy ALL the time, that'd just be normal. Aim for peace and contentment.

Answer 6

Lots of people are stuck in dysfunctional families. What you have to remember is that we can't choose our parents or siblings or other relatives. We get what we get. Your best chance for a happy life is to do well in school, talk with your counselor and see if you can get some kind of scholarship. Then leave. Don't let them drag you down. Call and come home to visit but go back to your happy life. Remember that only YOU can make you happy, not anyone else. Good luck.

Answer 7

I don't know about truly happy but it sounds like you are on the right path. Take care of yourself and learn to be your own best friend. Pursue things that are interesting to you. Read a lot listen to music, make some good friends. Find beauty and goodness wherever you can.

Answer 8

Well I think you are already more than halfway there.
You recognize the need for change, so you start asking questions, exploring possibilities, & making changes in stages as you learn more & more about yourself.

Happiness comes from within.

Negative influences from family while growing up can be especially difficult to overcome, & may require some professional help through councelling. You might want to think about that as an option.

Answer 9

If your eyes are not illuminated, then I would see a doctor - you may have depression due to your family disfunction.

Many people grow up in disfunctional families - you don't need them to be happy. You are in your mid 20s. The best thing you can do is SEPARATE yourself from your disfunctional family members. That means no visits, no phone calls, etc. Once you separate yourself from them, you can begin focusing on you and your own healing.

Answer 10

Hi....

yes my family was totally dysfunctional.. the worst of the worst... the ones who are left are very self-absorbed and it's all about them... so i think i can understand.

i have suffered depression and anxiety for literally years, but over the last 10 years or so, i came to a realization. happiness doesn't come from families, other people. it comes from within.

i started doing what i wanted to do for me, which includes:

stopped saying "yes" when i meant "no"...
stopped being there for everyone all of the time, because i was neglecting ME.... it's nice to help but there is a limit.
started figuring out what i was interested in doing in my spare time, and now i do it!
took classes
i cuddle up and watch TV or a movie to relax, and relax when i damn well please
i don't let the little things bother me -- they can wait.
i exercise regularly -- walking daily - which gives me a lift
i surround myself with people i LIKE and avoid those who give me gas!
i remove myself from uncomfortable situations immediately.
i don't make excuses, i just tell it like it is... (goes back to saying "no" too).
face problems head on and find solutions, instead of procrastinating.
i enjoy my dog, and the little things i see in life...even weeds have a purpose.
i journal
if i find myself wanting to do things for other, perfectly capable adults, i have to ask WHY? and then i go do something for myself, instead.
stop worrying about what others have done to you. instead, realize they are idiots, and you can't change them.
don't let family get you down. again you can't change them, either, and there comes a time in our lives when we have to accept people and situations at face value. do it, then move on.
i have hobbies and i enjoy them in my spare time. i am an artist, and i even sell some of my work.

those are just things i do for me... i am NUMBER ONE in my life, all the time, every day. i'm not doing cartwheels all the time or smiling 24 hours a day, but i can say i'm more content now.

i hope you find your peace, and happiness..... if you can, write down the things you like about life, and what you like to do. find yourself doing those things often! and take care.

Answer 11

My family is messed up too. Jesus will give you the peace and love you desire. Just call on Him and turn from your sins (for we have all sinned) and give your life to Jesus. Ask Him to fill you and take way your emptiness and heal your broken heart and HE will.