Is it common for rape victims/survivors to always feel like everywhere they go nobody listens or frankly cares about what happened to them? I was repeatedly raped when I was a little kid by a gay pedophile. Since then, literally everyone that I thought could care refuses to deal with it or talk about it. Also, nobody's ever said, I'm sorry that this happened to you. And nobody's ever touched me, held me or tried to reassure me in some way. I've had horrible PTSD for years. Finally I found what seems to be the right therapist for help. These sick people will never change. That's been one of the hardest things to handle (and still is at times). But at a certain point it comes literally down to survival.
Which takes me back to always feeling ignored. No matter what good you do nobody cares. I know now that doesn't matter. But it's not easy to just instantly turn off your feelings.
Is anybody else going thru this? How do you handle this?
2007-12-23 16:53:13 · 10 answers · asked by ginzawasabi 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Hey!
I can't say I'm going through the exact same thing, no. I'm a seventeen year old female who was raped when I was two and three years old by at LEAST four men and one woman. I also have PTSD and I'm royally screwed up because of my past.
But my mother has always been a very upfront, realistic person, and, in fact, I would still be being raped by those people today if she hadn't been willing to face what was happening to me (by my father's family) and get me out of a very bad situation. She's held me, let me cry, made me talk about it even when I didn't want to, and forced me to accept that its not only a part of my past, but a part of who I am.
BUT, she and I have ran head first into the problem you've mentioned so many times, it's not funny. My mother, while she was fighting to get me out of that bad situation, was talking to a friend of hers, sharing what she was going through. This friend told other people that listening to my mother speak about the things we were going through was too much stress for HER to handle, and that she was going to have a nervous breakdown if she listened to my mother any longer. So, my mother was told that she needed to not share with other people what we were going through.
Also, I have, over the years, shared with other people as well. A lot of boys that I have told, would actually SMILE at me when I told them, like it was a good thing. You know, because someone who is raped is notoriously easy to get in the sack. It was really awful, and very disturbing. Gave me the goosebumps. Here I am talking about some men raping me as a little, tiny child and their smiling like I just handed them a million bucks or something.
So, yeah, I've felt...disturbed by people when I told them I was raped. I've also felt very ignored. The simple fact is, most people do not want to face that there is, in fact, such horrible things happening in this world. They want to go on in their little lives, feeling safe and sound, and pretend that everything is alright in their world. It's not fair. It's not right. But there it is. And, the fact is, they simply can not deal with the reality of the things that happened to you and I. It doesn't matter, to them, that we HAVE to deal with it, that we have no choice in the matter, all they know is that they're minds cannot deal with such an incredibly disgusting thing like rape.
I'm glad you have a good therapist. That should help you deal with everything. My suggestion, don't take it personally. It's not you they ignore, it's that they cannot face your problems. It's their own imperfections, their own flaws holding them back, not you. I'm truly sorry you had to go through what you had to go through, and if I was near you right now, I can assure you I would give you a hug (even though I'm not a very touchy-feely person, I have issues with touching because of what happened to me). I wish I could make everything all better for you. I really, truly, honestly do.
My only advice really for you is to try to help other people with your problem. Don't be like the people who hurt you so badly. Find other people who have gone through the same thing, and give them everything you know you've needed all this time. Who knows? You might just find that this helps you to deal with your own problems, and, at the same time, help other people not to feel the way you do.
I don't know if you believe in God. If you do, than you know that he loves you and will be there for you no matter what. He would never ignore you. If you don't, I suggest you go to www.watchtower.org. It is the only thing that got me through the same things you're going through. I can even suggest a certain article for you that concerns your topic. It is called Love Is Indispensable, and can be found at http://www.watchtower.org/e/20030701/art...
I'm sorry if none of that helps you. Just know that you are not alone, and that there are people out there who understand, and sympathize with what you are going through. Hold on, and maybe you'll find the answers to the questions you're asking. And maybe you'll find a way to make other people who feel as you do not have to go through the pain and uncertainty that you are.
Luv ya,
Tashi :)
2007-12-26 10:56:53 · answer #1 · answered by LilLaTLuv 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm terribly sorry that such a horrible thing happened to you, and I give you so much credit for seeking help, for surviving, and for going on with your life.
I've suffered from PTSD, and I think you're on the right track with the therapist. Be sure to share these feelings you have with him or her. Part of it I'm sure is from the horrible isolation you must have felt as a child. You need to understand also that people outside of a professional mental health environment probably feel like they CAN'T talk with you about it for fear of saying the wrong thing. People may feel you don't want to be touched. All I'm saying is, it's not you, it's their own insecurity of not being able to help.
If you share all of this with your therapist, you will learn how to ask for what you want and need from others and gain a lot of understanding into your own feelings.
"No matter what good you do, nobody cares." I would feel that way too if I went through what you did. You're not alone. Possibly your therapist can also put you into a group where you can hear people express the same things and how they're coping. Good luck.
2007-12-23 17:06:08 · answer #2 · answered by Lorraine H 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi.. i have bipolar disorder, PTSD and used to have a dissociative disorder -- caused by emotional, physical and sexual abuse. I can relate well.
People are "afraid" is what it all boils down to... and they don't want to make an effort to be compassionate or caring. They can't "face the truth" either. And they do not realize the impact it has on a person who has post traumatic stress disorder, as if we are supposed to act like it never happened and be unaffected.
Well, i'm not an object without feelings.. im' human just like you.. and i DO understand the impact this has on your life.
No you can't turn off your feelings, but i sure hope your therapist is helping you to develop some good life coping skills... and to come to some realizations about your abuser (who was very ill when they abused you). it wasn't your fault. I sure hope you never thought it was?
Hon i have two sisters and a mother who witnessed much of the abuse i went through at the hands of my father... some of it, they didn't witness.. He broke my arm, smashed my head into walls, verbally abused me, gave me a permanent back injury. He was very ill...
my family has let it all roll off their backs and act as if i should not be in any sort of emotional pain whatso ever... and should just shut the f*ck up..... they shut the issue OFF and ME out of their lives... even though they know my mental illness issues were caused at the hands of our own father.
i suppose it would have been different if they were not just spectators, but victims themselves.
i don't want people coming to me all of the time and feeling sorry for me and drooling all over me.. but it would be nice if they'd recognize me as a person who is very affected and sensitive. i don't want pity but SOME SUPPORT WOULD BE NICE! Especially during depressive, and difficult times.
I hope you will take the time to join a mental health forum on line. perhaps one of these would help you? You will likely meet others with ptsd and similar problems who can be supportive, and maybe even give some advice... or just LISTEN.... i have listed a couple i know of for your information.
the best advice i can give to you is take care of YOU -- do some internet browsing and a search for PTSD Self Help... take whatever you see which might be helpful... and of course, consider giving an on line forums a try. you have to register before you can post, but they are free. the second one is smaller than the first (which is a relatively large community)
sending hugs, understanding your way....
2007-12-23 17:10:07 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for you! I have been/am there now where it feels as if when you reach out for help, or a program comes on the television and you try to get someone to listen so they know how you feel by the words someone else is speaking, but to no avail. It is frustrating. Try getting into a group of survivors and get the support from them as well as your therapist. It has just become too much of a "me" world and no one listens to anyone anymore. Also, to get some "good touch" in your life, get yourself a big soft blanket to wrap around you when there are times you really need a hug, or to feel protected. This has really helped me. Good luck to you!
2007-12-23 17:35:40 · answer #4 · answered by bears~N~angels 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that's how I feel. Nobody in my private life has ever really given a damn about what happened to me - they don't know how to handle it - esp. if they've never experienced it themselves.
A therapist will be more understanding, but don't expect much from those around you - I've had to learn that. As a consequence, I've become quite insular and removed from people - I can't identify with them much and have lost interest socially. I now just cope by myself and get along as best I can.
I hope you feel better soon. Some counselling will help you come to terms with things.
{{{{virtual hugs for you}}}}
2007-12-23 17:06:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
i'm going through the same thing, but i thought it was just me, because i refuse to tell people who it was (it was a family member, thats all i can say). i was also repeatedly raped and abused for years, it really sux and im sorry you had to go through it too! the only way i can get thru each day is by my addiction to self injury. cutting is my coping strategy but please dont go down this track as it is seriously not worth all the scars and stitches your left with. its a horrible addiction. i know how hard it is to be ignored, i learnt to just stop talking about it so i could keep my friends close... although since ive been cutting, ive lost them all anyway :(
your therapist will help you, im in therapy too and have found it really useful! ive come a long way, you'll make it through this, things will get better, trust me!
take care hun, merry xmas oxoxox
2007-12-23 17:54:40 · answer #6 · answered by Bethany 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, lack of self-esteem/self-worth & self-confidence are very common in the abused, whether the abuse was of a sexual nature or not. PTSD is probably much more common as a result, than recognized, as well...
"Coping With Post-traumatic Stress" http://watchtower.org/e/20010822/article_01.htm
I'm glad you've found a therapist who seems to be of help.
Do 'they' happen to use EFT...?
You might want to resaerch this method, as many who've undergone such abuse --as well as several sufferers of severe PTSD from military experiences-- report that they have achieved relief by using EFT.
Let me say that I *am* very sorry that you experienced this horrible denial of your value & childhood! No one deserves such treatment! Children definately deserve to be loved, &, protected... even after they have grown up! And, you ARE loved!
'How Precious Your Life Is!' http://watchtower.org/e/20050201/article_02.htm
(((Hugs!)))
"Children Deserve to Be Wanted and Loved!" http://watchtower.org/e/20001208/article_02.htm
2007-12-23 17:30:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I went through a lot of incest. I felt the same way, that no one wants to hear from me. What I learned however was that I needed to have a higher opinion of myself. It took me a while to realize I blamed myself for the abuse. One of the things I did was write down positive things about myself, and positive thoughts, quotes from others on index cards, then post them where I would see them regularly. Repeat to myself the positive about me and start to believe in me. That was my first step.
peace
2007-12-24 06:30:18 · answer #8 · answered by Linda B 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
honey, you have to confront the demons to get rid of them. no one wants to discuss this with you, it's like having had aids or something, people don't know what to say. get help, feel better and let it go. the past is over, the future is whatever you CHOOSE to make it. the person who hurt you will be punished...karma is the great equalizer....
2007-12-23 17:05:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes and it can also be sensitivity and a lack of listening and understanding from others.
2007-12-23 17:02:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋