I really like this guy but he is a sex offender-?

Question

He exposed himself- never touched- got arrested- now has to register as a sex offender. We were set up by some of his friends who do not know about his mistake- but before we ever went on our first date he told me everything. He never lied- I've seen the police report and everything he told me is true. This happened 4 years ago- I've been with him for 6 months and I think I am falling for him- he lives his life now well- he works hard but not too much- he goes to church- he won't even sleep with me yet (after 6 months) He follows all the rules of probation like curfew and travel restrictions. He is so good to me- is so understanding of my issues (as we all have them)- goes out of his way for me. Can someone be rehabilatated or just make a random mistake? He exposed himself in a parking lot to a woman- he just divorced his wife of ten years and was upset and obviously lost his mind at the moment- I think I am falling for him and am looking for some opinions. Thank you in advance-

He divorced his wife because she cheated on him- his Mother told me- and it wasn't his only time- he told me- at least his honest????

And I don't want kids and he is ok with that- he doesn't want kids either

Answer 1

then get hitched.

Answer 2

I don't agree with others here who are saying give him a miss... Geez these people are judgemental! If he was arrested and punished he has paid his dues....

Lets look at this calmy unlike some of the other knee-jerk reactions expressed here!

I think you actually should take a more self-centred aproach to the matter and ask yourself really candidly what you stand to gain or lose... Forget about the interests or views of others!

Do you really trust this guy? Has he ever mistreated you? How well does he treat you? Do you feel he is being open and honest with you? When you have answered these questions you are ready to evaluate your relationship...

As for ppl saying he couldn't be trusted around children that is just plain crazy! I didn't see any evidence he is a pedophile!

On one hand I could say you sure know how to pick 'em, but equally you could get quite a thrill out of being his compassionate angel...

"Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.
L o v e N e v e r F a i l s."
Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8

Answer 3

I am amazes at how many good decent people have responded to this post, I am sure they are the salt of the Earth, and would never do any thing wrong, not even run a stop sign, it must be pretty sweet to be so perfect,
have you ever heard of streaking?? it was pretty popular in the past for college kids to streak on a dare or for admission into some fraternity, I supp pose those kids all turned out to be sex offenders to, if there had been such a law then,
I have been in the legal profession for over 20 years and I have never dreamed our country would ever allow so much stupidity into our legal system, do you remember a kindergarten kid app; 4 or 5 years old kissed a girl and there was so much hoop a loo I thought they were going to try this kid for a sex offense, and have him as a registered sex offender, and the hell of it is there are a lot of idiots who would have gone along with this,what the hell is our country coming to???? I feel our country has become a police state and our ner do wrong holier than tho idiots will go along with this, don't you think these sex offender laws have did enough damage to people, and I believe they have did so much damage it is greater than the good we have gained, some times I wonder when some one will accuse the physician delivering a baby will complain he is a sex deviant because he looked a the kids bare bottom.

Answer 4

Did you do your Christmas shopping yet? Did you go to the mall? As you approached your vehicle in the mall parking lot, did someone jump out of the bushes and expose himself to you?

At that moment in time, were you scared to death that you were about to be raped or murdered? Once you realized you were not going to be raped or murdered - would you then ask this guy out on a date???

Do you see how ridiculous you sound? If you were the woman who was the victim of an "exposure" - would you date the guy? OF COURSE NOT! YOU WOULD think the guy was a scumbag rapist wannabe.


Listen, I know someone who has the same problem. He exposed himself and went to jail for a short period of time. He then exposed himself over and over and over. It is a compulsion these guys have. It can graduate to rape over the years.

You can and will find someone that you can fall in love with (even more in love than you are with this guy). You need to leave him. He is a sex offender.

You say this was a "mistake", but it was no MISTAKE. He did it on PURPOSE. A mistake is when you take the wrong exit on the highway by accident. A mistake is when you accidentally mispell a word. What your boyfriend did was not A MISTAKE. He did it INTENTIONALLY and ON PURPOSE.

So do yourself a favor and start recognizing his crime for what it is. NEVER call what he did a mistake!!!!!!

What is funny is - I can hear him talking to you. He's telling you, "Honey, I'm different now - I made a mistake...." and you are buying into this bullcrap!!!

So, now you KNOW he did this on purpose and that it was no mistake - you should be asking yourself how do sex offenders get rehabilitated. The sad news is that doctors really don't know how to rehabilitate sex offenders. They can't be "cured" of their mental problems. This is the VERY REASON why there is a sex offender registry - because sex offenders can't be cured.

So, if you continue to date this guy:
a. Be ready to accept that he will probably be arrested again at some point in the future.

b. Be ready to force him to undergo years of intensive therapy so he can find out why he did what he did and address those issues.

c. You should seek therapy yourself so you can understand why you would date a sex offender and you can learn why sex offenders are incurable.

d. All of this therapy should occur before you get married or live with one another.

e. You should meet the woman who he exposed himself to so you can hear her side of the story and her personal terror.

f. You should get the transcripts from all of his court proceedings so you can find out exactly what he stated in court.

g. You should find out from the woman he attacked whether he was smirking during his trial or during his court hearing.

h. Divorce does NOT cause people to expose themselves - that is a LAME LAME LAME excuse for what he did. He exposed himself because he has serious sexual mental problems - not due to stress of a divorce. If stress from divorce caused people to expose themselves, then you'ld have a LOT more people exposing themselves (in fact it would be a very very common occurance).

Stop buying his bullcrap and excuses. The fact that he labels his sexual predator offense as a "mistake" and blames it on his divorce is A RED FLAG that he doesn't admit that he has a serious sexual mental illness and that he has received no treatment or help.

Answer 5

You are on a slippery slope on this one. He is a registered sex offender. Exposing yourself in public is offensive and is considered to be a social and sexual deviation; as well as it should be.

There are usually many other things going on with someone who participates in this type of behavior.

Being upset and temporarily losing your mind is not a reason to become a sexual offender. You are making excuses for this man, and if you continue to do so, you are going to be involved in an extremely difficult situation.

Have you ever spoken to his ex-wife? Have you ever spoken to anyone else who has known him from the past? I have a feeling that if you did so you would find out a great deal more negative factors about this guy.

Many people who are on probation spend a great deal of time playing the "perfect" person, because they are trying to work the system and prove that they are "cured."

I am sorry, but he sounds too perfect to be true, and if he willingly told you every detail of this incident; I would not be surprised if he is hiding a great deal more.

I don't like to sound so negative, but I work with special needs children, and have had to deal with a lot of abuse and molestation cases over the years as many of these children do not have the ability to communicate about the abuse until it has gone on for a great deal of time.

Ninety-nine percent of the time the offender is the "nice-guy, nice-gal" the one who is so honest and straight forward, the church going person who is so upstanding......etc." In these types of cases, it is all an illusion; part of the game this person is playing in order to get away with whatever deviant behavior they can.

I am sure that you know this. Why did you ask your question in the Mental Health section? It should be in the singles and dating section; correct? Was that a bit of a subconscious error????

He follows the rules of curfew and travel restrictions because he is being forced to, by the court. If he was such an upstanding and moral person, he would not have exposed himself in public.

A random mistake is forgetting to put the gas cap back on your gas tank after pumping gas, yelling at someone in public because you are upset and in a hurry.

I don't know of many men who are choosing to not have sex with a partner for months and months into a relationship either, unless they are young and inexperienced or a virgin or impotent. You cannot say he is saving himself for marriage, he has already been married.

I hope that you rethink this relationship before it goes much further, there is something not right here.

Be careful and have a Merry Christmas.

Answer 6

If you sow the police report and he told you the truth and you still like him. Trust your heart and understand the trouble that comes with him. I know a guy who also is a sex offender and I found out when I just had my daughter. My husband and I were very upset not to know. When he told us that he was 17 and the girl was 15 and she said she was 17. We weren't as upset. If all he did was flash that's not the worst sex offender in the world. The one's I tell you to run from are the one's who like kids. I also have meet one of those and he wanted to see my daughter I of couse said NO his police report said he molested his own daughter and son. That man I'm scarred of not a man how was a flasher. Like I said No matter what you will get the same looks at first so keep the police report just to prove your man if you stay is just a flasher. My best of luck with you.
If you haven't heard there are five boys in texas all under the age of 10 who are also going to be on the sex offenders list because they slaped a girls butt. Some things are just stupid and childish.

Answer 7

If you marry an alcoholic who has quit drinking you will never be able to put it completely our of your mind. If he's two hours late or doesn't show you immediately start wondering if he's at a bar. Whatever a person does in their moments of extreme stress will always be an issue for him or her to deal with. A gambler who has not gambled in years gets fired from his job, your first thought is casino. As long as times are good you will be able to put it out of your mind to a certain degree, but if you stay with this person you have to know that this is the place this man goes in his darkest hour. If something tragic, or terrible happens in his life you need to be prepared for a call from the police station, or at the very least, be prepared to see through flimsy lies. Why do some people turn to drugs, others alcohol. others gambling, others porn, sex addictions, etc, etc. Who knows. But for this guy, it's sexual. He might be fine for months, or years, but when you have two or three or four kids and he doesn't make it home for supper do you want to just ignore it, do you want to decide that you will accept any explanation or do you want to take the chance of asking if there was any chance that he was being lured down the dark alley. You will never want to have that talk but there will be times when your mind will have to be put at ease. It depends whether you think it will make hime angry. You will always have the right to question missing gaps of time. "Sorry, I am falling asleep. I hope this made some sense."

Answer 8

What we've right here is one ingredient of the tale, the tale it is written to convey as lots worry as available to a gullible society. we don't understand the circumstances Burke became into difficulty to. became into he forbiddon to be around little ones? Had he been categorized as a form III criminal, deemed to likely to dedicate yet another offense? we don't understand this from the item. Unfortunatly, Burke made some undesirable possibilities, first being a college bus driving force. It did no longer rely if he became into no danger to all people, todays hysterical society might right this moment end thae very worst might ensue. seem on the reaction of the ladies relatives....it rather is been 2 months via fact the sector holiday. throughout that factor, what became into she petrified of? no longer something!!! It wasn't until the media (devils mouthpiece) made a great situation the he became right into a schoolbus driving force. the 2d mistake became into, if real, no longer registering. maximum circumstances the police will record this fee against a intercourse criminal and that they stay in detention center for an indefinate quantity of time until now they could instruct they in certainty have been registered. advise whilst, the RSO loses their activity, abode, transportation, and almost all their possessions. it is barely how the government insures that the RSO is under no circumstances aloud to reintergrate into society as a regulation abiding member. it is one reason there is lots mistrust for the government. This hate, this horror, this persucution could desire to give up until now the effect of all the hateful, unconstitutional regulations and harrassment is the rationalization for many RSO's disappearing, disappearing basically so as that they could help no longer purely themselves, however the households many have. think of roughly it....... unfortunatly, the very actuality of the challenge hurts and it rather isn't any longer what you have been feed by the media or government.

Answer 9

If you are questioning your decision about love, perhaps you and the guy could talk to a couples counselor. Or you could seek a therapist yourself, so you can sort out your own feelings on the matter. Sometimes a therapist can really help us find direction. And they aren't in the business to judge you. They've seen and heard it all.

I can see you care, the man never raped anyone, or harmed anyone physically so you say.

I hope you find what you're looking for in life, and that you get some good answers here. take care

Answer 10

Youthful mistakes are common. If he was young when he made this mistake and his behavior now looks nothing like it, I don't think that one mistake is a reason to end the relationship. But, If he did this after being married for ten years (hard to tell based on what you said), then his behavior needs to be taken much more seriously. I think it is a serious flaw in his character and believe at some point this character flaw, whatever it may be, will surface in your relationship with him.

Answer 11

if you really like him, then go for it.

you can't let other people make your decisions for you. If you want to be with him, and you trust him. then give him a chance just like anyone else.

but also make sure you keep your eyes open and alert. not meaning don't trust him or anything, just look out for youself

also, it concerns me a little as to why his wife and him got divorced after so long. Were there any kids?

Just go with your heart, and don't let anyone else tell you what to do. It's your life. Live it with whomever would make you happy. Just make sure you know what you want and what will make you happy

good luck, and congrats on finding a guy you're falling for!!