So, I'm 18 and have been with a guy for awhile now. I believe with all my heart that he is the guy for me. He loves me and I love him. He's asked me to marry him and I told him I would after I finish college because I believe it's wise to get an education.
My parents don't know the extent of our relationship, but they have a hunch.I haven't told my parents about it all because he's much older than I am. Like, he's 39. Many people will assume that because he's so much older that his intentions are not honorable. That is totally untrue.
My problem is that my parents now want me to cut off all communcation with him because they don't approve of the idea of me being with him (they know and like him, but don't like the idea of me being with a guy that much older than myself). I want to obey my parents, but I love my boyfriend. I don't know what to do now. I understand it from my parent's point of view, but they don't see mine. What should I do? I
2007-12-23 16:17:43 · 7 answers · asked by Dancing Stars 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
And, surprise surprise...he and I actually have a LOT in common, so don't say it's not possible.
2007-12-23 16:31:18 · update #1
Oh, and I'm actually a sophomore in college now.
2007-12-24 09:22:37 · update #2
It's good you understand it from you parent's point of view. They don't see yours because you are 18 and they know that at your age you still have a lot of life to experience before it's time for you to settle down and marry anyone. They're afraid you may be making a mistake. You love him and want to be with him but have you given anyone else a chance yet? Your parents are acting out of fear for your emotional safety. They just don't want you to get hurt. It's very difficult for parents to learn how to let go when their kids get older. So try to be gentle with them.
There is no reason why this relationship can't work. But if it is going to work you have to be smart about it. You sound like you're being smart in wanting to make sure you finish college before you get married. If he is the one you should marry, your love will survive the next 4 years. Because of his age he should be able to understand your parents point of view and he may be able to help you understand why they don't see it the same way you do. If he truly loves you he will be willing to wait and will want what's best for you.
Talk to him about your parents request. Would it be harmful to your relationship if you took a break to appease your parents? Again, if your love is meant to be it will survive a separation and it may even be good for the two of you to date other people while you're in college. That way when you do get married, you will know for sure that he's the right one and you won't have to wonder if there might be someone else better that you may have missed out on. Whatever happens, stick to your plan to wait until you finish college before you get married. You need that experience under your belt.
2007-12-23 18:04:15 · answer #1 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you need to respect and honor what your parents want if you're going to continue relying on them. Unless you are ready to go off on your own and be completely independent of them, you cannot afford to burn that bridge. You need them a lot more than you realize, and forgive me, but a 39 year old man dating an 18 year old child (yes, you are still a child even though you can vote) DOES in fact have issues. My hubby is a few years his senior and he has children your age----do you see what's wrong with this picture? I'm not saying that you don't love him, but I am saying that he is definitely crossing a line and your parents have every right to be protective of you. Would you prefer if they didn't care at all? If this man cares about you as much as you think he does, he will still be there in four years. However, that will make him about as old as some of your friends fathers are and hopefully you will mature enough by then to see that you can have much more with someone closer to your own age. Good luck, and stay with your parents---you live under their roof so therefore, you don't really have much of a point of view in their eyes.
2007-12-23 16:55:25 · answer #2 · answered by Marina 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh hunny, you havent been to college yet.... just wait, your gonna wanna be single for the next 4 years, dump the wrinkly man and just wait for the youngins itll be fun, obey your parents just this one last time. The fun 20s are about to begin, dont settle down until your at least 23. IF hes really the right one for you than he'll fit right in your life, there will be no obstacles.Remeber hes already has had his 20 year old party days, and you havent, that will be a issue you will have to deal with soon. good luck and merry christmas
2007-12-23 16:56:40 · answer #3 · answered by ♥ღαмαиdα♥ღ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohhhh the old parents and boyfriend drama. Sweetie, I went through this and it ripped my heart apart. My whole life I did for my parents - but this ONE time in my life I knew I had to go my own way because Blaine was who I wanted to be with. We were together almost 8 years and just got married last month - do you know our wedding was only the SECOND time my parents ever met Blaine? Now they are trying to accept him into the family and if your family loves you (which I know they do!) they will eventually accept the fact that you love this man and choose to be with this man - but if you want this relationship, you must stay strong - and remember, arguing with your parents will never work - they won't see eye to eye with you in a negative light. You're a smart woman and you're 18 which means YOU MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS NOW and I know you'll make the right one. Think with your head but listen to your heart too.
2007-12-23 16:24:16 · answer #4 · answered by *Meg* 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
okay aside from what... 20 years between you two... if you love him, and he wants to marry you, and you want to marry him... but you agree to get an education first.. meaning you have a whole 4 years to think things over and experience life...
hmmm you're 18... that means you're an adult, and don't have to obey anyone but yourself. And you know deep in your heart if he is honourable, and if you do really have lots in common...
follow your heart, respect your parents but obey yourself.
2007-12-23 16:44:52 · answer #5 · answered by maritimegypsy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
what should you do?
probably realize this guy has some social issues and his emotional intelligence has hit rock bottom.
a 39 year old man has nothing in common with an 18 year old girl, unless it's sex, or he is mentally deficient, or a social outcast.
2007-12-23 16:23:41 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
oh! so u r 18.it means u r mature enough 2 decide wat iz better 4 u.Bt listen!the reality iz something else 18,19,20...these r the ages in which young generation either boy OR agirl thinks he's in love which is nt true.AT this age Its only ATTRACTION.because at this age we think we will choose wat is gud although we can't.A lot many life iz ahead and PRACTICAL life is really tough.
PARENTS KNOW WAT IZ RIGHT SO PLZ.....PLZ.....PLZ....
LET THEM decide wat is right 4 u!!!!
2007-12-23 22:57:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋