ok ya'll serious question serious answers only please?

Question

what do you do when your finace's brother puts the move on you. Its a very close family, and you dont want any family rivalry. What do you do? Do you tell your fiance?

Answer 1

Give the jerk ONE chance only and let him know it's his one chance to knock it off and never do it again or you're going straight to your financee. Hopefully your fiancee won't side with his brother if the brother decides you're standing too far up for yourself and tells him you came onto him. That's a good reason for telling your fiancee what happened up front.

Please, I've been down the insane road too many times and the last one my brother-in-law wouldn't quit stalking me so I finally had to tell my sister. She said I'd never see my niece and nephew again and called me every filthy name...even had my 12yo niece asking me 'why'd you say all those bad things about my dad'. It was totally gut and heart wrenching, every moment of it.

But now I wouldn't ever dare change and thing and neither should you! Holiday season finally came around that year and my sister thought we should all get together so I was essentially 'forgivin'. Gimme a break. Anyway, was thrilled to spend time with the kids again but noticed my niece was having waaay serious issues and begged someone to do something but again, I was the trouble maker. (I'd said I thought her dad was messing with her).

A year later the jerk off b.i.l. decides to video tape one of his manipulative sexual encounters with his OWN DAUGHTER, my niece. My sister found the tape and they've been divorced for several years, but my niece will never be right and I haven't seen her smile since she was a child!! I mean literally NEVER smiles-for even a picture. Bottom line, stop these jack a$$'s in their tracks and call em' out asap. It doesn't help their harassment fun if you knock em' down from the get go.

On second thought, you need to let your fiancee know what happened now and tell him at this point you do not want him confronting him, it was a simple flirt or something. But do mention the incident to him. You WILL REGRET not telling at some point in the future!!!!

Answer 2

Honesty always seems like the best route but to avoid problems that will exist for decades to come, I think a more passive approach might work better.
You do need to be firm with you fiance's brother that you are not interested. And tell him if he does anything further, you will tell his brother (your fiancee).
It's hard enough getting along with another family without an having something like this hang over your head. They will be others in the family that won't be on your side no matter what happens. Stupid, I know, but that's how families are. Families stick together and sometimes you have to bite the bullet for the sake of the clan.
But immediately stop any advances by the brother. Otherwise you may be perceived as the aggressor.

Answer 3

Is the fiance's brother really into you? Well, if he seriously has the hots for you and was kind of trying put the move on you, you have to talk to him first. Say that you are soon going to family, and that you love your fiance, and not in that way towards you. you want a happy peaceful family, and that your brother would be extremely mad/hurt if her found out about this. If he hears this, and fights back, you tell him the truth, state the facts, and that your brother would feel _____ towards this. Don't let him ruin the relationship or your new growing family. He wants to go take it up with your fiance after that then it's his choice.

Answer 4

I would tell my fiance, but only to let him know about it. I would not make a big deal about it, because like you said you don't want any rivalry. I hate that you or whomever this happened to have to go through this, because it is an awkward situation for all involved. I would tell my fiance about it and leave it at that. Some men will actually get their friends or family to try to put the moves on you intentionally to see if you will be faithful. Good luck with this situation, I hope whomever this has affected will be able to figure it out and keep the peace.

Answer 5

Here's your dilemma: if you tell your fiance you have to risk not only causing a rift between him and his brother but alos risk being called a liar by the brother in order to save his own skin and then the fiance has to choose who is telling the truth.

Then again if you don't tell your fiance you have to live with wondering if you're doing the right thing and then if it happens again you'll be facing "why didn't you tell me when it happened the first time??" making you look like you might've had a reason to lie when in fact it was completely innocent.

Only you know your relationship with your fiance and what kind of man he is and how he's liable to react. You have to make the choice that is in your best interest both for yourself and for your relationship's future. A relationship after all can't be built on lies and mistrust because that only leads to failure.

Personally I would've ripped the brother's head off in private and made it clear that you belong to someone else and he damn well knows it. If he can't control himself either lay off whatever he's drinking so he can control his behavior or next time you just might have a video or tape recording of his actions to share with the family and see how they like it. One way or another it will make him back off.

Best of luck.

Answer 6

I personally would say something, only because I've seen this happen in my own family. Nothing was said on one end and now no one will speak to one half of the family and they have no idea why, except for the offender, himself and they just feel alienated. The rest of us know what happened, have had time to get over it and have had family holidays like a regular family should for the past 5 years. I think that if you're not honest it really can build up a lot of anger over the years and although it might cause a lot of drama now and maybe even for a few years to come, over time, it will all be forgotten.

Answer 7

Even if you aren't 100% positive the brother may have put a move on you, it doesn't matter because you felt uncomfortable. Let him know that you have boundaries and he has crossed a line.

Let your fiance know that you dont feel comfortable around his brother and the reason why. Tell him you would like that he let you handle the situation first but that if it doesn't stop he needs to say something.

I dated a guy once who had his brothers do that to me and I let them know that they had no reason to touch me or be that close. They were offended and tried making me feel bad but I later found out in the past they had done the same things to other girls. I was just the first that wasn't impressed with the brothers and put them back in line. It stopped and my date appreciated my self-respect and assertiveness.

Answer 8

Unless you're being groped, smacked or exposed to crass language, I'd recommend handling it playfully. Take it as a compliment with a bit of sibling rivalry thrown in.

Sample replies:

"That's nice sweetheart, but boys should share toys, not girlfriends."

OR

"Yeah, I know you guys fantasize about your girlfriends sister, but trust me, most women don't fantasize about their boyfriends brother."

OR

"So you think you're the cuter brother!? Well, keep telling yourself that, it will help your confidence."

OR

"I didn't think men watched soap operas."

OR

"We gotta find you a girlfriend."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Got it? If you want to maintain the family dynamic, trivialize the event.

If you tell your fiance, express it like "Your brother is a big flirt."

If Brother is a psycho rapist, fresh out of prison, call in the calvery. But if he's a typical "Hit on anything cute" guy, this is all smoke and no fire. Handle it accordingly.

Answer 9

The best thing will be to tell the brother you are not interested and if he still bothers you you could tell your fiance about it, some will just brush it away as a joke so be careful, you will be the bad one. I am sure if you seriously tell your fiance's brother or for that matter anyone that you are not interested they will stop unless he is a psycho case.
Angelo

Answer 10

hmm thats a hard one. I had a very similar thing happen in my family and my sister in law told my brother. Everything turned out fine in the end but while some people in the family totally supported her other people (including the wife of the relative who hit on her) put the blame on her. Theres no perfect solution but i would say you should probably tell becuase if it ever came out on its own your fiance may get angry with you for not telling. I hope this works out for you!!!