At first I was flattered that she would ask me to host dinner but then I realized it was to show off the house to family. After the first year, she has come late EVERY dinner since!!! Once 3 hours late with NO excuse, so I had to entertain the rest of her family. Today, I reminded her of the time -2 pm. She told me that she wasn't sure what time she would arrive since she is opening gifts with her other son's family & then going to visit her mother in the nursing home. I didn't know what to say except please call me when you are on your way to my home (I live 45 min away). I hung up & realized that she wouldn't be finished with my BIL until 2! Then she still has to visit her mother. I asked my hubby (her son) to call her & put a seed in her head to possibly visit grandma in the morning so she wouldn't be as late. I have other dinner guests that still have places to go after my home so dinner needs to be on time. Is it rude to start without her? Should I say anything else to her
2007-12-23 14:58:34 · 14 answers · asked by Sherry26 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If she's late EVERY time and has no viable excuse I'd say no, it's not...It will probably upset her because you didn't wait. But you can't always be running on her time when you do have other guest's and other obligations.
I'm just taking a shot in the dark, but it might be a control thing if she's like that. That if she shows up when she wants then she has more control at your house. I dunno if that's the case, jmho.
2007-12-23 15:03:52 · answer #1 · answered by Dancing in Misery 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain my mother in-law is the exact same way. I usually have my family stay over Christmas Eve and we eat Christmas dinner then so that we don't have to wait around and then my husbands mother who usually brings the Christmas ham can come anytime. I prepare by having light snacks available for my children so they don't have to starve. This is probably not the best way to handle the situation, it's just the way I've adapted :) Good Luck!! Try and have a Merry Christmas!
2007-12-23 23:27:26 · answer #2 · answered by RedsoxGirlsince1977 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is rude to ask other guests, who didn't push you to the end of the line, to wait for her. She is pulling a power-play and you should not put up with it. She, in words and actions, is saying the other son is more important than your husband. Make sure a nice dinner is waiting for her, and let her know she can enjoy her dinner as your other guests are having dessert.
2007-12-23 23:04:10 · answer #3 · answered by marie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have in laws that pull the same crap. What works for me is I give a time that we are going to eat. Who ever is not there at that time we eat that is not my problem. If they are running late stuck in traffic that is one thing. Since your mother in law dose this every year I think it's rude to hold up dinner for those who are there on time. Tell her to eat at her sons or you will leave a plate on the stove for when she gets there.
If you keep the time frame you planed and told all you will not stress over what time she is coming over and you will enjoy the holiday and your company.
2007-12-26 10:40:41 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The woman sounds like a control freak, and a rude one at that. It appears talking to her ain't gonna get it so by all means, if she isn't there by a reasonable time (20 to 30 minutes late, NO LATER) start the festivities without her. If she doesn't like it, Oh Well.... Next year she might show up on time. Please don't let her ruin your and your other guests day and don't make excuses to her. Just say, oh, we started dinner without you, please get a plate and join us.
You have to play hardball with a rude mother-in-law.
Good luck.
2007-12-23 23:08:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accommodate your other guests. Start and finish dinner with them. When she shows up, hopefully you will all be out of the dining room, set her a spot at the table and go back to entertaining your friends. One person cannot dictate and entire day even if they are family.
2007-12-23 23:06:43 · answer #6 · answered by trixxi_fan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO, it would not be rude to start without her because she is being rude to you by not letting you know in advance that she can't/won't be on time. Tell her that some of your guess have other places to go and you can't hold up dinner because of that and if she don't understand...o well.
2007-12-23 23:22:23 · answer #7 · answered by Flowers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't say anything else to her. Have your husband talk to her, and if she still shows up late, start dinner without her. That way she'll understand that next year if she just decides to be late again, that no one's going to wait for her.
2007-12-23 23:02:41 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your MIL knows what time dinner is supposed to start.She is being really inconsiderate by doing this every year.So this year start without her.If she makes it in time to eat,great,if she doesn't tough for her.Maybe she will get the hint.
2007-12-24 01:25:33 · answer #9 · answered by Katherine B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a set time, if she's not there, eat without her. She doesn't respect your wishes, so don't respect hers'. Remember, you are feeding more people besides her, so why should they have to wait for her. When she does show up, tell her there are leftovers in the fridge.
2007-12-23 23:17:12 · answer #10 · answered by johN p. aka-Hey you. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋