would you put your child before the father of your child in any situation?

Question

my mum was given the choice to take care of me and my sister on the condition she left my dad because he was an unfit parent, but she chose to stay with him which resulted me and my sister goign into care getting separated and leaving home at 13, I am now 17 and have had 2 foster families, it has been tough adjusting to new places and in all honesty i have never felt i belong anywhere, my sister had nothing to do with our parents since our mum chose dad over us, but i remained loyal because at the end of the day, they are my parents, does that make me an idiot? does it mean my mum doesnt love me if she chose him over me? its so hard because i hate my mum for choosing a man i spent most of my childhood protecting her from, and in the end she didnt protect me, and it hurts even more when they say to me they have done nothing wrong.

Answer 1

i would definitely choose my children over a man. but don't worry, u do belong in this world and u r a special gift. i had a similar problem when i was a child. my mother was divorced and she had a boyfriend. i told her he was mean to me and he didn't like me. then the day came that he asked her to marry him. then she said yes and i felt alone cuz she loved him more than me. u will make it through this world. and other people can help u.

Answer 2

I think most mothers naturally want to protect their children first, but some don't have that instinct. Maybe your mom made that choice for fear of losing your dad. You sound like you have a big heart and a lot of empathy and you turned out to be a good person. Be proud of those things and someday raise your own children differently. I do believe your mom loves you but sometimes woman will chose a man over anything even their own child.

Answer 3

Well,obviously they have done something wrong,or you would still be with them.However,it is normal for you to feel loyal to both your parents.My kids are living in a situation where I divorced their dad because he was real abusive towards me,and I knew he would become that way with them.Many people fear the fact that I let them spend time with their dad,but he knows one wrong move and he is in prison.I understand the confusion,and no,it doesnt mean your mum doesnt love you,it just means that she is so totally blinded by your dad.I also understand your sisters reluctance to accept your parents,because after all,they failed to do what is expected of them as parents.Just remember,when you become an adult,you will find your path and eventually will feel you belong somewhere.And that somewhere will be right for you.When it happens,it will make up for all the pain and suffering you are going through now.

Answer 4

No, it doesn't mean she didn't love you it means she was probably afraid of your dad and what he would do to her. Women stay in abusive relationships and do things that seem unfathomable to most people who are not living that life. The only thing that bothers me in this scenario is she hasn't admitted to doing nothing wrong...either she is so afraid you will say something to your dad she remains silent on the subject or she is so brainwashed she really believes it. There will come a time when you have to accept things as they are and if they really are uncaring people who would give up their children then as bad as that is, accept it and just be a better person in your life. We don't choose our parents but we can choose how we live our lives.

Answer 5

Family is often our first set of obstacles to overcome.

Even though your mom was in denial about her husband, she at least did the right thing by giving you up for foster care rather than subjecting you and your sister to years of neglect and abuse... you underwent the lesser of two evils... she really did protect you by getting you out of harm's way. Snaps-up to her. She loved you just enough.

it is probably the case that your mom had some heavy karma to work through with your dad. She chose to work all that out. A lot of women will NOT leave abusive circumstances until until, after years of escalating beatings, they finally flee in fear of losing their lives.

I realize that the feelings of abandonment probably leave an emotional void and an ache, but you are mature enough to understand what was really going on.

The very best thing you and your sister can do is educate yourselves, heal yourselves, and build your own lives. You know what to avoid and what to walk away from in your own relationships.

Answer 6

i have been through what you have thru as a child my so call mom chose to have guys before me and amy sisters and we was taken away from but we were with family members

to answer your questions no mom should put a man before any man as a mother i will not put a man before any of my children my way of thinking is this a man can walk out my any time my kids will be with all my life

i was married to a man that was abusive and i could get tmy kids back only if i left their dad rest assure he passed out drunk and i took the kids and left

please let this be a lesson for when u ever have kids sounds to me your mom dont care for u like she should and let her ruin your life can i recommend u talk to someone in therapy that is how i have learned to deal with it

i hope i have helped u this is really a touch home question no man should ever come a woman kids

i dont even talk to my mom for what she had done to us kids i did try to talk to this year and cursed me out and told me not to ever call her i know the pain u have u must go on with your life why be loyal to her she wasnt you i know this might be harsh and the pain anger will be with for along down the road

Answer 7

I was in a similar situation & chose my son over his father. As a parent it's your job & responsibility is to care for, protect & love your children. Therefore I feel you have an obligation to your children & their best interest. Your mom probably has some emotional issues or something if she chose an abusive asshole over her own children. Try not to blame yourself, like I said she obviously has some issues.

My heart goes out to you, my dear.
*hugs*

Answer 8

in my opinion, if i was married and had children, i WOULDN'T put my husband before my children. what your mother did was wrong and you have every reason to be angry but it doesn't make you an idiot because you remained loyal. it also doesn't mean your mother doesn't love you. i'm sure she does but maybe just not AS MUCH as your "father." whatever the case is, you are one amazing person to still remain loyal after all the hard times of adjusting to new places.

Answer 9

As a parent, I would have to chose my daughter over my husband. My husband can take care of himself, my daughter can't. My mom was with her boyfriend so much that she only maintained the home we lived in. Its hard when your parents aren't around. You know what you can expect of you mom and dad, so don't ask more of them then you know they can give. My aunt gave the best advise when she said get over it. You'll feel better letting it go, and realize that your mom may not have been such a fit parent either. Forgive them too, more for yourself then them.

Answer 10

Regardless of the situation, children should ALWAYS come first! However, you shouldn't hate your mom for what obviously is a major mistake on her part. Love your mom to the fullest. Don't downgrade her for what she did. As you have said, at the end of the day, she is STILL, and always will be, your mom!