How am I supposed to deal with an adulteress mother?

Question

Getting pretty sick of it.

Pic,

That doesn't help all that much, I need some help as to what to do so that *I* don't feel bad, cause she will never stop doing it, so trying to "counsel" her is a waste of time.

412envy,

Yes, I live with my mom because she is not able to move out from my dads house due to her not knowing how to keep a job of her own.

It's a minimum of 6 years before I can get away from her. (I'm 16, and have 4 years of college to do in about a year, Insh'Allah)

Lost,

She isn't Muslim, and I've had countless talks to her about what she's doing is wrong, but she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, and Insh'Allah she will NEVER change..

Seriously, telling me to "just deal with it" just makes it worse, guess a few of you haven't heard of "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" I'd really expect better from Muslims too.

Habib,

It is impossible not to get involved, she comes to me and talks about it every day, and won't leave me alone. Am I supposed to just run off? You obviously haven't dealt with this type of thing before or you'd be a bit more sympathetic.

Thank you to the people that are being nice..

Answer 1

hi, i have the same problem with my mother... its so disgusting she has scarred me. i know i cant talk to my mom because one day i just exploded on her and she says she doesnt care what i think, and shes actually using him cuz she owns two houses and he is the only one who will do all her dirty work for her for free. she always dated men in the past but this jerk is a devil in disguise, he used to beat my mom years ago and since getting back with him i can tell its going to the same road. i personally pretend to like him but inside i very much dislike him. how old are you?? when im old enough im moving out, and i really do not want anything to do with her after that. maybe when she apoligizes to me from the bottom of her heart andlearns how to get self respect jsut maybe i will talk to her again. shes not Muslim and i see why her life is like this... u should just pray for your mom... hopefully she gets an awakening that changes her life.. i go out as much as i can so i dont deal with my mother, she throws me temper trantrums for no reason.. she shows me her true colors, i dont think i can ever forgive her.. remember one day youll be happy, have a family and you wont have to live with all these distractions. so just be patient, good luck to you brother.

Answer 2

I am glad you realize there is very little you can do to change your mother's behavior. You are asking the right question in that you must find a way to feel better, as long as it does not further dishonor your mother or your father. In reality, as a 16 year old, you are at that stage in your life where you are sure you know alot, and in reality know very little.
Fortunately you know adultery is wrong. You are seeking help with your feelings which is wise, too. You will most likely not find what you need on Yahoo, though. You need to seek out a spiritual adviser who is available to you personally and speak with him often and obtain wise counsel, because this is a very complicated situation, and you should not try to handle it alone. Remember, she is your mother, and she is the only one you will ever have. You might hate her now, and she may deserve some or all of it, but you must have enough consideration of her and for your own well-being to deal appropriately with the situation so you can have some peace, and continue to move ahead with your life, and find your own happiness. God be with you.

Answer 3

Dear lost one,
You are very frustrated and this is causing you to harbor hate for your mother. I am not muslim but know enough about Islam to tell you that in Islam respecting your parents is a must, no matter what they do and 'Heaven is under the feet of mothers'. So let's do away with 'she will never change, God willing'. You say she isn't muslim. So don't go forcing religion onto her and don't try to be holier-than-thou. Is she still married to your dad? Does he know? A visit to a family or group therapy clinic would be best. It would help mom aknowledge the pain she is causing you and help you understand and deal with your frustrations. Good luck!

Answer 4

how old are you? do you live apart from your mom? if so, and talking to her just isnt gonna cut it, cut off your relationship with her. Call once in a while to say hi, visit during the holidays, and leave it at that. A woman like that is not a mother and she is not worthy of respect. Keeping a relationship with her is not gonna have any good outcome.

edit:
i cant say much not knowing any details, and i wish i can wave a magic wand and make it all go away, but until your 18, i dont think theres much you can do. in my opinion, you should try to show her that she's loosing you. your dad supports her? Does he know about this??

Answer 5

i rekon with love. shes your mother, and shes a human, u can change her for the better. there must be a reason why she is liek this, and you either know it or can find out. if u say she talks to u evryday about it, talk back to her, change the subject to a diffrent way and try and make her see differently. dont be xtreme, be very very gentle, make her in your favour, so she can c herself as u c her. i hope this was helpful, and InshAllah ul have patience n ur problem will b sorted.

Answer 6

Can you leave with your father instead? You can discuss this situation with your father or the lawyer (if they are divorced) to make amendments so that you prefer to live with him. I do not know if she is going to get better. I think she is in denial. You can be a good Muslim and may be she wil start to notice your ways and change. You cannot change her until SHE WANTS TO change.

Answer 7

[Yes, I live with my mom because she is not able to move out from my dads house due to her not knowing how to keep a job of her own.]

So I take it that you are still all living together. Does your dad know what is going on? If not, tell him, I'm sure he will straighten out the situation in short order.

Answer 8

Don't say "inshAllah she will never change" because you never know who Allah might give guidance.
She is not a muslim, so I'm failing to quote any Quranic verse here. this is rather a social science question more.

I can understand what you go through. she is your mother. you are young. hmm try to keep yourself pious and away from all the wrong deeds of your mother. once you get more matured, try to get married to a muslim man and stay away from your mother. You can meet up a Imam and discuss the issue with him. Dear it would be better if you provide us with more details of your family, like if you have any muslim brother with u,who is your mahram or uncle. ?
Provide more details for a more accurate answer.~!

Answer 9

The prophet (sas) said “Whoever sees a wrong, should change it by his hand, if he is not able to do so, let him do so by his tongue, and if he is not able to do so, let him do so by his heart, and the latter is the slightest of faith.”

You should follow the above stops with your mother .. advising her is an obligation whether you think she will respond or not .. You should never feel despair or say she will never change .. Allah guides whom he which.

You know what people used to say about Umar ibn Al Khattab (ra) before embracing Islam? they used to say: "Umar's donkey will become Muslim but he will not" because of his severe enmity toward Islam, and because they thought he would never change.
Yet, by the will of Allah, he changed and became one of the ten promised paradise (while still alive).

Answer 10

Dealing with an adulteress mother is not your responsibility, where is your father, if the marriage is still valid, then ask your father to deal with it.

To you she is your mother and what she does is none of your business. In case, even if you are a Muslim, you have no right to interfare in her matters. You respect her the way a mother deserves a respect.

Everyone will be answerable to his/her deeds - be a good person yourself please.

Answer 11

oh that sad:( iam sorry!
but all i can tell u in brief tyler and in my personal opinion just have patience that she would be mature one day and pray God for her , though remember that she is ur mother and no matter what she wishes the best for u , parents have rights on us even if they aren't muslims ty so keep that on mind we all face somethings that we don't like from our parents but we aren't going to change them that way and that would be impolite of us if we tried to in a wrong way ..

never gve up from praying for their guidence tyler cuz God is great, they could change to be the best one day , smile in her don't frwan , and talk politely and calmly with reason she would listen to u insha Allah.

and remember that so many prophets their family were non believers and doing so many wrong stuff , but were so good to them so that may God guide them one day to the right path!

good luck dear friend :) smile