my 9 yr old is a very happy friendly outgoing kid, involved in activites in and out of school and seems to have lots of fun when she is with her friends. however anytime she wants to play with someone it is me that is always calling to schedule a playdate- they never call to plan one first. i either email or she leaves a message on their machine to see if they can play. we either never hear back or after I email again they respond. im tired of us being the ones to instigate the playdate, yet i think if we didn't she would never play with anyone. she is always talking about her good friends - at this age is everyone a (good/best friend) I dont remember !!!!
I just want to have someone call her for once and ask to play. she has lots of friends and when we do connect they dont say no......HELP WHAT SHOULD WE DO
2007-12-23 10:51:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
in addition im friends with a lot of her friends parents, there are only a few that I just say hi-hello too, however i dont want to start asking them questions about our kids relationships I just need to get objective opinions from these boards
2007-12-23 11:30:01 · update #1
There are always two groups of kids- the ones who always do the inviting, and the ones who always go over to friends houses. Neither one is bad- usually the kids who invite have a "fun" house, easygoing parents, etc. The kids who get invited are generally quiet, good kids who just aren't good at entertaining, have strict parents, or what kids consider a boring house. These roles get established when kids are little, so don't take it personal. As long as people aren't saying no when you invite them, you know they like you. And if you really want your daughter to be invited more, make the comment to other moms about how you love having people over, but you know your daughter would enjoy going to people's houses occasionally
2007-12-23 11:28:31 · answer #1 · answered by Megan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My daughter never was invited to come over to very many friends houses. But she would only have one good friend at a time and they would spend time together. Most people around here live in rural areas so "play dates" were usually the whole weekend or a whole day. And the kids would plan the date, not the parents. She is probably old enough to call her friends and make plans, of course the parents would have to ok it. It would help her learn to compromise and plan things. Then when you take her to their house go in and meet the parents or family, just talk for a little while, that way people get to know you are not an ogre or something. It's good nowdays to do that all the time.
The girls could make plans to go to a movie or bowling, you take them there, and out for a treat or give them money to get something at the place.
Only you should stay with them or nearby. Unless you know of an older girl that would like to go with them as a chaperone ( I don't want to use the word babysitter), 9 year old girls look up to older girls a lot.
Time to start letting her stretch her wings. I know it is really hard and at 9 they seem so young, but the time is coming when she will be on her own and it is right around the corner. So it is best if you start teaching her independence slowly while you have a say and are in charge.
~~~Merry Christmas~~~
2007-12-23 11:29:55 · answer #2 · answered by Tigger 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honstly, I just think that not too many parents are that organized to call and set up "play dates" for their 9 year olds. Most 9 year olds are totally phone literate, and most can text message and even own their own cell phones (sadly). But the parents these days I notice are SO pre-occupied with themselves, they dont have time to really sit down and call their daughter's friends parents. Ussually, its like they drop them off at practice, and think that is sufficient!
However, I really think its GREAT you do call in an attempt to become more organized. I think that maybe you should try to take a step back, and let your daughter do a few things. This is what I suggest....
Think of some FUN theme for their AGE group! And make a Slumber party out of it, I dont know, maybe High School Musical 2. ??? (Im not sure, just guessing what is "hot" now)
Make a fun Sleep OverCleeping Bag Slumber party Fun time for all the girls, you can invite everyone in class, or just a few friends. Do this like you would Celebrate a Birthday Party! Play a movie, and maybe even a fun anti-birthday game. Make Nacho's and Order Pizza and popcorn!... No Cake! But Ice Cream Sundaes.... That is a great way to get all the girls together, and then also a good way to meet the parents of the kids your daughter hangs out with. Tell them to RSVP to your Daughter, or to call you on the invite, make a invite that looks really fun on the computer, nothing too complicated...
After that, then your daughter should get a few people that might want to have her over to their house, and even ask their mom to have a FUN movie night at their house, maybe you will start a trend! My friends and I used to do this all through Christmas... It is really fun! If you dont have anything planned yet on New Years for yourself, make a New Years Sleep Over, not only will your Daughter have a great time, but her friends parents will love you for giving their "tween" something to do that is fun and safe... Like waitting and staying up until Midnight to watch the ball fall and going outside on the porch in Pajama's and Banging pots and pans and screaming HAPPY NEW YEAR! We used to do that as kids, it was SOOO much fun! So much, that Im 26 now, and can still remember what color PJ's I wore. What a memory!
Or, you could do a Scavenger Hunt Party, and set up the neighborhood, and make a list of askings.... Like, 1 egg from 3 homes... Whatever...
Think about some creative ideas that will inspire the parents to take an initiative in planning more get togethers, and at the same time, your daughter will become more popular because she has such fun get togethers.... And you will be known as a good parent that puts together great fun SAFE activities for the kids that are not just the ussual...
Then, maybe in 2008 more of the parents will start to recognize this, and the girls will WANT to go to your house more and call your house more, rather than you having to do all the leg work... Just print out some invites, something simple... And Make sure you put, RSVP, and let your daughter know to let the girls parents know, if they DONT, then you wont have a (fill in the blank) for them... Know what I mean?
Good luck! And Happy Holidays!
Im pretty sure its just that people are forgetful and the get busy, but need to be reminded!
2007-12-23 11:29:26 · answer #3 · answered by BKR 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
personally, i'm one of those negligent non-callers, and i don't mean to snub the other kids at all. my kids all love playdates, but with 4 kids of my own and a couple within running across the back yard and knocking on the door distance, it often seems like unncessary trouble to set up playdates with kids who live farther away since there are plenty of people to play with right here. scheduling playdates is always such a hassle because families have busy activity schedules and multiple kids. if i have to drive one kid to a playdate and go pick them up, that's a chunk of time out of all my other kids' days, because they have to come along. it often involves waking the toddler up from his nap or interrupting another kids' scheduled activities, etc.
that's not to say i'm totally opposed to playdates ... just that i'm not that inspired to be seeking them out. if someone calls and wants to play with my kids, my kids and i are all for it (and i will certainly volunteer either to drop my child off or to host ... though i vastly prefer hosting as i don't have to haul all the other kids around). i would always have my kid respond if another kid went to the trouble of leaving them a phone message, and i do respond to parents' queries, as well (not doing that is just plain rude, but i imagine people are just distracted or busy and not avoiding your daughter). i do worry if the other parent is doing more of the hosting or driving than their fair share, and i'd make an effort to make sure i was pulling my weight if that seemed inequitable.
i would just keep making the calls and not worry about it if your daughter is enjoying the playdates and they seem to be going well. i'm sure the other kids value the friendship as much as your daughter.
2007-12-23 12:26:28 · answer #4 · answered by ... 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are worrying about something for which there doesn't seem a lot of cause for worry...
My granddaughter is 9 years old, and she doesn't even call friends on the phone yet. I think she's had just a handfull of friends over to visit...
Perhaps just continue calling to arrange playtimes for the kids... i am sure your daughter is content with this arrangement, and i don't think the situation should make you stress out.
You can't control what other parents do or do not do...
Continue what you're doing.
2007-12-23 20:03:26 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had this same problem when I was little. I would always invite people over, but they never invited me back....and I never had any friends. If I ever got the chance to talk to anyone, they would always say bad things to me, tease me, and make fun of me. That was back in Kindergarten through grade 6. I am now 15, in high school, and everyone gets along with me. I learned that kids didn't like me because of where I lived. I live in the biggest house in our town, and kids would always call me "that rich girl that lives on the river." So basically they were jealous of where I lived, so they hated me. I don't mean to brag or anything, I'm just saying I've experienced this exact same thing.
If I were you, as a parent, I would somehow confront one of her friends' parents and talk to them. That's what my mom did, and after 7th grade, kids got along with me. Also, in middle school (all year of 7th grade) I had to eat alone because the girls would tell me they had seats saved (which they never had a full table.)
So I would talk to parents.
2007-12-23 11:08:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the other moms/kids are agreeing to the playdates then it's probably just that you're more outgoing than their families. I know that I never initiate this kind of things but there are other ones that do on us.
I'm just too shy LOL
2007-12-23 11:05:06 · answer #7 · answered by Mandy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At the age of 9 I didn't see my friends outside of school or activities much. It wasn't until I got older like 12-13 that sleep overs and going to the movies started happening.
2007-12-23 11:26:20 · answer #8 · answered by happybee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would make friends with the parents...parents who have friends automatically, the children become friends. Maybe call some of the parents and go to lunch one day or shopping. This is what my sister & sister-in-law do. Their kids are always having friends over or going to someone's house.
2007-12-23 11:25:27 · answer #9 · answered by Love is in the air. . . 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is what Mandy said, alot of people have a hard time calling people up and asking. I know that I am the same way, even with my sister in law, I make my husband call. I have some kind of anxiety when it comes to talking to other people. If I have to then I will, I just prefer other people to do it.
2007-12-23 11:10:32 · answer #10 · answered by Bilinda G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋