My mother in law called me a whore..need advice?

Question

My mother in law showed up at our house yesterday unannounced which is fine, she doesnt do it often and right away she started trouble with me. I believe its because we were on our way out and in her mind thought she would spend time with our son, which obviously wasnt going to happen as we were literally getting in the car, this set her off. She called me a druggie..not true.. my husband called her on this and she said she didnt know what drugs, then said I was fooling around on my husband, again not true to which my husband got upset about and then she proceeding to call me a whore and rip a cross that I was wearing on a necklace off my neck.
My question is...would you let your son around this woman even tho its his grandmother, my son is not very old but if she says these things to start trouble, not only to me, but infront of her son, my neighbours and infront of our son, does it not make you wonder what she would say to my child about me when I'm not around...whats your thoughts

Wow..fast responses..
I do not do drugs at all, I barely even touch alcohol, I dont cheat on my husband, my husband knows where I am 24/7. This woman has caused problems since day one but this is the first time my husband has actually seen her be nasty to me, its just been what I say against her twisted words.
Luckily because he seen it, the last thing he said to her was get in your car, get off my property and dont come back here again, so he's had enough as well, funny thing is if she hadn't caused trouble she would have seen our son 2 days in a row at Christmas but not now

Answer 1

Not a chance would I let an demonstrably unstable person near my kid unsupervised.

Before I condemn her as evil, I'd have to know if this is a sudden shift in behavior. Sometimes when people get older, a sudden sharp personality change can be a signal of Alzheimers...or a medicine that needs tweaking...or a drinking habit?

I'd ask her to get looked at, and if she failed to do so I would straight up get a restraining order. She physically attacked you, after all, as well as damaging your property.

Answer 2

Have a chat with your husband about this. This sounds tough, but if the situation gets any worse, get a restraining order on her. You can still love her husband but you don't have to love your mother in law. Again, have a talk with your husband about her. The most important thing right now is that your husband trusts you right now. My Grandma was a spiteful trouble maker also, no matter what you did, if she didn't like you, you couldn't do a thing right. My Aunt from the other side of the family is like that too.

Answer 3

Am sorry for what you are going through. I do not know your husband's reaction yet.
Many mother-in-laws are even worse. This happens because it takes the grace of God for them to understand that their son do not belong to them any longer but belong to the wife as soon as marriage. And you know the fact that sons are more close to mothers as daughters are closer to fathers. So when the son gets married they tend to see wife as a barrier blocking their relationship.
Just take heart and pray about it.
At the same time you need to discuss with your husband and put up ways to avoid confrontation with your mother-in-law at worse to the point of getting cursed by her. If it is possible, you need to physically separate i.e build your homestead away in another location or even district far away from her so that if you have to meet it will be no as frequent as now. The other thing is to continually guide your son and cleverly put him away from her.
Otherwise i would recommend you see a family therapist or a married couple you can trust to discuss the matter in detail for theraphy. But be very cautious when selecting the couple to discuss your marital challenges for the sake of your family.

Answer 4

Sounds like she is mentally unstable. A difficult situation. All I can say is try to not take it personally, just realize she has a problem and can't help being that way. Assure your hubby you do not mess around or take drugs, just be nice, don't put him in the middle. Let it roll off your back, try to ignore it, she is probably a mental case. I guess it would be OK to let her deal with the child but only under supervision.

My mom was the easiest going, best natured human being in the world but her mother in law did something that infuriated her so much that she totally denied her access to me, her only grandchild, for her entire life. It broke her heart. Live and learn.

Answer 5

Firstly, kudos to your husband for standing up for you against his mother. Secondly, calling you a name is not as bad as the physical aspect of ripping a necklace off your neck.

Clearly we don't know what has sparked such fury - perhaps someone is telling her all this incorrect stuff and she believes it, or maybe it's something deeper than that.

For the sake of the family, see if you and your husband and MIL can talk it out. If she remains hostile and violent, it's her problem and she is the one who should work on it. In the meantime, supervised visits with the grandchild are the way to go.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

First off, if your son is old enough to understand, explain to him that it was not right the way his grandma treated you. Just so he knows that that behavior is absolutly uncalled for. Then i would assure your husband that all of what she said was false, just to make sure he knows and trusts you. The most important thing is to confront your mother in law. Do not do this through another person to make sure she knows you aren't under her thumb. You may want to make sure someone is there to support you. Tell her that that was very inappropriate way to act especially in front of your son.
As for allowing your son to be around her, I would only allow him to with you or your husband around until you gain her trust back. She had to have lost it then. if this goes on, you should talk to someone about it. She does not have the right to treat you like that.

hope this helps :]
happy holidays

Answer 7

If she's a sh!t-starter, kinda unstable, no, I wouldn't leave any kids alone around her. She may be all crazy, all the time, or she may try to turn your son against you (even worse, because it's a more subtle form of attack and harder to recognize.)

Family ties don't mean sh!t if somebody is truly bad. I mean, I have relatives I wish were rotting in prison so they weren't out f*cking up the world and I don't think I'm any better off for knowing them. Family's the people you LOVE, the people you care about, the people you protect and help develop into the best they can be.

You need to figure out just how bad she is and whether she can be trusted. If it were just about you, I'd say avoid her and try to get on with your life. But there's a child involved. There could be manipulation, hurts, abuse, your own family torn apart...be honest and thorough and figure out if she can be alone with your son, or maybe if she could get along with all of you.

You are NOT responsible for making her life meaningful, or keeping up pretenses that she's a loving, caring woman. If she can't show you some respect (I'm not talking love or affection, just some basic respect), I have to doubt how much good she'd do your son.

I grew up abused and I wish a few people had listened to my complaints, watched what was happening more closely, asked the difficult questions. This is a tough question. But ultimately, YOU and YOUR HUSBAND are responsible for your child, and if something makes you uncomfortable, you better act on those instincts.

Don't worry about, "children need their grandparents," or "she's family, so she deserves to spend time with him," or any myths like that. They're crap! Children need to be with people who love them AND can respect that child's loved ones.

Like? Well, maybe she'll never like you. But she's doing nothing to earn your respect, which you deserve, and she should NOT be rewarded by you giving your son over for her to poison.

Unless she can demonstrate respect, stability, and caring (all things that children REQUIRE), no grandchild visits for her! She needs to get her act together, for her own sake and for her family's sake.

And one thing that isn't a myth: "not in front of the children." You have something to argue about, you do it IN PRIVATE, calmly and rationally. Passion is OK, but insanity is NOT. If she can't abide by one simple rule, what other stunts could she be pulling when you're not watching her?

She needs to get her act together. Like, yesterday.

Answer 8

Hi, yes my mother in law called me a prostitute as well. Accused me of of selling my body to buy myself new clothes, bleeding her precious son dry. Everything I did was wrong and even things I'd done right were done by someone else.
At least your husband is standing up for you.
I would let her see your son as children need to know rheir families and I;m sure she loves your husband and her grandson - just in a very misguided way. But I would only let her see the child in the presence of your husband or another trustworthy adult.
She is incredibly mean and spiteful as was my mother in law and your best bet is to avoid her whenever possible. Let your husband visit his mother by himself with the child while you get on with some chores. But dont let yourself be dragged down to her level and dont give her ammunition by retaliating.
if you have to get together for Christmas prearrange with your husband to stay as little time as polite and then both leave.
Your husband needs to be strong and stand up to his mother and be fully supportive of you if your marriage is to survive her.
If you want to email me please do and we can discuss tactics further.

Answer 9

First off, your MIL should not be calling you names. It's your son grandmother and you have to think what it would be like if your son doesn't have a grandmother around. I would call her out it also. I would go up and ask her what gives her the right to talk to you that way. YOUR husband at that point should have asked her to leave and not come back until she is is invited back or can clean up her act. I am sorry that you have to go through this.

Answer 10

There is oviously something bothering your mother in law that has nothing to do with her suspecting you're a whore or you do drugs.

shes jealous that you took her son away from her. she probably thinks hes too young to have a wife and she wishes he was still the little boy he used to be.

she will eventually realise that she is not the only woman her son loves.