I don't want an actual ceremony, and my fiance' is cool with that. But my mom really really wants me to have it. She is so proud of this moment, and wants to help every step of the way, which is understandable. But I don't see myself having a ceremony. I understand it could be something small, but I also can't see myself doing that. My fiance doesn't care one way or the other. But even if I did have one, our family stays so far apart, and I hate to make other people go out of their way. I have friends here in Ga, his family is in SC, and mine are in NC. Also we have trouble keeping up with his (my fiance) mom, and I know for a fact he would want her to be a part of it.
I am also trying to put myself in my mom's position to see how I would feel if it were my child.
2007-12-23 09:07:06 · 16 answers · asked by Video_Production 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Keeping up with his mom, means that we can never really find her. She likes me and of course loves her son, but she hasn't really been there for him, and we have to search for her each time to find her. She isn't very stable.
2007-12-23 12:53:38 · update #1
I understand your position, and yes it is your day / then again no it isn't ..... it is about bringing families together. ( i am learning the hard way)
We are having a destination wedding we sent out invitations to all , but we understand that they just may not show up and I am so cool with that. ... then i can have the small wedding.
so have a small formal ceromony, let the ( MOM 'S) woman gush over dresses and food give both mothers a specfic thing/jobs and let them handle it. .and pay for it ...
just kick back and nod your head or say no to this and that.
and just think of it as having a party....
or hit the court house/ or however you wanted it then invite others to enjoy JUST a reception party...
2007-12-23 09:22:17 · answer #1 · answered by la de da 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Hi and congratulations!
First, as others have said....of course this is YOUR decision (and your fiance's, of course.) Second...please know that you cannot please everyone!
That being said...it sounds like you have apprehensions, and I can understand. It seems that you DO want to involve your mom...but are unsure.
Well, you DO have to have some kind of ceremony even if it is at the courthouse. And what do you mean by "we have trouble keeping up with his mom?" Does that mean that she likes things all fancy...and you are more down to earth? Well, again, you can't please everyone.
So....a few options:
1. Have a courthouse wedding and a small reception after.
2. Have a small wedding and small reception after.
3. You and your fiance go away and get married just the two of you.
Yes, the wedding is what YOU want...but it is also about the family. You don't say that you don't get along with your mom or his...just that you don't want a ceremony and your mothers do.
I really like the idea of a small ceremony and small reception. The reason is because you have so many venues to choose from! A little chapel? Someone's home or backyard? A private room in a restaurant? A beach? A garden? There are so many options. If you do want to get married at someone's home or in a garden, you can always get a minister or justice of the peace to come to YOUR location (unless you choose a church, of course). If you go that way, give each of the "moms" something to be in charge of: say, one can do the centerpieces; and one can be in charge of flowers....whatever!
I'm a mom....and I wouldn't care WHAT type of wedding my daughter (or son) wanted, I just want to be there!
Again, in the end...only you and your fiance can decide what is right and what you want.
As far as people living in other states....just choose a location (where you live now?), and your family and your fiance's family will have to deal with it.
Good luck with your decision!
2007-12-23 20:29:17 · answer #2 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find la de da's reply the most reasonable one. Marriage is not just a coming together of two individuals but two families-at least in the Indian context-andthis side of the ceremony should never be lost sight off. It does not appear that there is any financial constraint.By insisting on a one--to-one ceremony you would only be making your mother unhappy. Your grood--to-be seems to be more practical. Follow his line of action.
2007-12-23 18:18:50 · answer #3 · answered by Prabhakar G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can just elope with just the two of you and then have a recption later. Don't have a ceremony because your mom wants you to, do what you and your fiance want to do. It's you and his big day and you should do it the way you want to.
2007-12-23 19:09:30 · answer #4 · answered by Wishing on a Dream 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You literally can't get married without having some kind of ceremony. Vows or I dos have to be said in front of witnesses, so there you go. You're having a ceremony, everyone is happy.
2007-12-23 19:39:09 · answer #5 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just explain to your mother that you appreciate her excitment that your getting married, but you are not one who really likes anythign lavish or ott. i would just explain to her about logistics, time, MONEY etc. My best advice would be to have a destination wedding/honeymoon, then have a huge party when you get back. That way no one is out any money, and you can celebrate your wedding with a party. Good luck.
2007-12-23 18:48:51 · answer #6 · answered by Leslie Y 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I never wanted a wedding. We in fact weren't going to have one but I had one because I was afraid I would regret it. I wouldn't have the memories to share with my childs in the future and weddings are more for the family. We had one, it was small, casual and simple but I'm so glad I finally had one!
2007-12-23 17:47:18 · answer #7 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Then think about this.
Have a small ceremony, but record it and send it to people.
Mom gets what she wants, you get to make mom happy and those who could not make it get a copy of it.
2007-12-23 19:29:25 · answer #8 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bottom line is what makes you happy, it is your wedding. You mom should be more concerned for your happiness than for putting on a big show. Elope with your fiance, and tell her later...that should settle it.
2007-12-23 17:14:39 · answer #9 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It is understandable that you mom is proud of this moment, but this is YOUR day not hers.
Explain to her calmly why you don't want to have the ceremony, and that you hope she can understand.
2007-12-23 17:11:36 · answer #10 · answered by Kristina 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋