My mother in law makes me very angry. I stay away from her as much as possible not because I hate her but because when I am around her I feel very upset at the things she says and does to me. Both my husband and I have talked with her about her behavior and how it hurts us but she refuses to stop. She is terribly critical, on top of always trying to tell me what to do and making rude comments she is like a broken record. My husband and I want me to be a SAHM, we do not like daycare for very small children, but she insists that I am not smart enough to teach and stimulate her as a daycare would. I have a chemistry degree, anthropolgy and library degree and I did well in school. I am no genius but I think I am bright enough and read to daughter and do educational things with her in the home. She insults just about everything about me and sometimes I border on hating her but she does have a few redeeming qualities so I really just find her a pest. I wish I knew what to do or say?
2007-12-23 08:19:09 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have been firm with her as has my husband but she is continuing to insult me and NON stop goes on about daycare and how glorious it is, how I am hariming my little girl (17 months) by not putting her in one and telling me non stop that my baby due March will be too much for me with her. She basically said I was smart to feed and change the baby but should not spend time with daughter now that she is older?
2007-12-23 08:21:23 · update #1
What I am really worried about is that she is driving me mad.. and I mean it. I am pregnant, easily upset, and I feel terrible anger that is just below the surface. I feel that if she does not leave me alone I may have a breakdown and then no one will be there for my kids?
2007-12-23 08:32:51 · update #2
I can relate.
Let your husband know that you have had enough and that you no longer wish to see your mother-in-law.
I would also let the M-I-L know that she is no longer welcome in your home and that you are no longer going to go over to her house if she is going to be talking to you like that.
Be honest and upfront with her and let her know that her comments are not welcome and that she may not agree with you but she needs to respect your decisions.
Good Luck!
2007-12-23 08:27:06 · answer #1 · answered by Operator 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is always criticizing, perhaps she is lonely and this is her way of seeking attention. Very irritating and my own mother in law was a pet, so I'm not speaking from experience. I think I would handle it by no matter what she advised, say I would think about it, and then just go and do whatever I had decided anyway. Whatever she suggests, quiz her up about it - why does she think this is better, what does she see as the advantages, what disadvantages might there be, what did she do herself etc. If you do this you are putting her on the spot and you stop having to be defensive about yourself. That has to be good. Was she a SAHM herself? Ask her about it. Point out how well her son your husband has turned out in spite of his lack of outside daycare. Compliment her on a job well done, and then decide how you want to do things - but just go do it. Don't ask for her permission.
Read down through http://newinformation.typepad.com/stopyourdivorce/
I'm not suggesting you go for divorce, but there is a lot on the page about reducing tension with someone who is being difficult.... worth a try.
Good luck !!
2007-12-23 17:05:31 · answer #2 · answered by bluebell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I often wondered what happened to my ex mother in law, but now I see. You're stuck with her. Don't worry about saying something mean to her. She doesn't care how she talks to you. Don't let her come to your home anymore. When she asked why, tell her that when she shows you some respect, then you'll reconsider. There's no reason she should talk to you the way she does. Your husband should stand behind you on this matter. My ex MIL used to come over to our house all the time. When I saw her coming up my driveway, I swore there was a big black cloud over her. My goal in life is to videotape her autopsy to see what made her so damned mean. Good Luck.
2007-12-23 16:35:42 · answer #3 · answered by johN p. aka-Hey you. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can try what we did..which was stopped talking to her until she finally seen that we would not and should not have to deal with her disrespect...it's not easy to always stop the communication..but she needs to understand that she raised her kids..and you and your husband will raise yours kids as you see fit...she doesn't have to like how you guys are doing things..but she needs to respect your decisions as the PARENTS :)...you tried to already tell her..and haven't had any luck...it took mine only a couple weeks...now she will at least politely give her input or advice...but in the end..it's our choice to either take it or leave it...good luck to you both
since you're feeling this bad..I would just keep my distance til after the baby comes..all the stress isn't healthy for you or your baby..I'm sure your husband would support you on this..since he sees her behavior is getting you guys upset..this is suppose to be one of the happiest times in your life..don't let her take that away from you and your husband..don't be concerned any longer about how she will feel...just do what you need to do and be happy and enjoy this time...maybe you can video record her when she's around and doing this...then let her watch it..maybe she doesn't realize just how bad she is
2007-12-23 16:33:46 · answer #4 · answered by ~Jenny~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your husband's place to deal with her and it is your decision whether or not to stay home, you are extremely blessed to be able to stay at home with your child, i have a early childhood degree and parental involvement and nurturing are first on the list of children's needs past physical needs (of course). The only thing is children also need socialization skills and you can have play dates with other children in your home or at the park so take a deep breathe and ignore your mother in law hope this helps
2007-12-23 18:06:11 · answer #5 · answered by atbkkj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your job to handle your people (your family) and it is your husband's job to handle his people (his family)
It is His job to stand up for you and put his foot down to end the BS. Tell your husband that he needs to step up, be the man of HIS house, and protect his family. And if not, then he fails as a husband. Point blank. You need to demand that he put his mother in her place and tell her to show you some respect. She is not superior to you.
This is what I did. My mil was a ROYAL biotch. Until I said this to my husband and made him stand up for me.
Now things are actually going great.
2014-09-10 00:50:57 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well im no expert, but since you're the parents, its not her decision what to do with your children. i'd ask her again to please watch what she says. when she says something that is offending, tell her that it really hurt and that it needs to stop asap.
2007-12-23 16:35:23 · answer #7 · answered by ツcαrly, 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋