Closer to his past.?

Question

My bf, wants to get married. One problem. He refuses to tell me his past.
He is 43. He hates talking about his childhood. Anytime I try to ask him something about what he did in life between the age of 20 and 40 he shuts down. He says that he does not want to go there. That he does not want to talk about his past. He has never been married. Has never had kids. He has spent a little bit of time in jail. A few weeks here and there for drinking. I have known him a year and I have been going out with him for 6 months. I want him to be open with me. I want closer to his past. Yet, he will not tell me. Then, it is all left to my imagination to wonder.

What would you do, if the guy you want to marry refuses to talk about his past? Especially if you felt like he was hiding something from you?

He is a nice guy. I just feel like I don't really know him, because he won't share.

I even asked him if he used to be gay. He said no.

Thoughts?

Answer 1

Maybe he has been abused

Answer 2

You are right- you don't know him, and should be wary about his inability to trust you, he is hiding something. In addition 6 months of dating is not long enough to know if you are ready to make a life-time commitment. There is no way of knowing why he won't talk about his past....unless there is something really negative that he fears would put the breaks on the relationship, then he should be willing to talk about some parts of his past.
Just tell him that you enjoy his friendship and hope that in the future he will trust you enough to be able to talk about his past. Until that day comes, don't make any plans for marriage.

Answer 3

He comes from an extremely violent and dysfunctional family.

How do you tell people you come from the Manson Family? You don't. You run for your life and act as though you're an orphan who came by way of a stork.

A lot of them are dead from violence and addiction but the worst ones are still alive.

How did I tell him they're all dead from killing each other, killing themselves, or in prison? The worst ones are still alive and may be out on parole, again. How would you like to meet my brother on death row? How would you like to spend Christmas with the Manson Family? The last thing I would do is tell him and certainly not bring anyone I cared about "home for the holidays" to be hacked to pieces and barely escape.

He won't tell you with bamboo shoots wedged under his fingernails. We have a tremendous threshold for pain after surviving one of those families.

He will keep you safe from and with the secrets. This is our way of keeping innocent bystanders safe by keeping secrets of child abuse, domestic violence, and addiction. He's afraid you won't want him, won't love him anymore, if you knew.

Mine found out anyway. Loves me anyway. There are worse things than being gay. He must of thought that was funny? If that's the worse thing you can think of.

I wish I was a lesbo next ot I'm the little sister of a serial killer. They don't fall from the sky and family is the first victim.

If you're going to dig into the past he is trying to protect you from, you might find killers have/had families.

Answer 4

I wouldn't marry him. I would have to feel secure & trusting of a man to marry him, and I'd want to know his past. Even painful things, those are the things one should open up to a spouse about. Even if you don't get details, you deserve the general idea of where he was. I could never marry someone knowing he's hiding things from me.

Answer 5

May be he is afraid to tell you his past coz he is fearing about loosing you..Make him feel that you just wanna share his life.. Make him feel that you wanna be his best friend..Try to talk to him and ask him to talk to you coz it is the way to bring the truth..You can also go for councelling...Promise him or assure him that you wont go away coz he may be keeping quiet becoz of that