I 'm not sure whose fault was this but here let me explain real quick: My Boyfriend and I live together for 6 mos. now. In October his sister stayed with us. We talked about it and agreed that he is gonna shoulder the 'extra' expenses when she comes in.And now he's telling me that I am nagging him about not being able to save for our wedding and he is telling me that Im treating him like trash. I dont even talk about being fair in the share(bills and rent and food). Sometimes I shoulder everyhting w/out asking for anything in return. i just think i didnt have to spend for his sister bec. we are not married yet and she's 27, too old for to help her out. i mean...she can't even find a decent job...so now he's threathening me that i'm gonna spend Christmas alone coz they'll be out of the house. He said we should only be together after the wedding but i dont wanna marry him no more.prob is we have invited people to come to our wedding...HELP.
2007-12-23 05:48:54 · 25 answers · asked by kawai_ona20 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
His sister doesnt help around the house, she just sits like a couch potato and watches DVD all day...never cleans the dishes and stuff...i mean hello, i work all night and when i get home she just there sitting idle in the corner.FYI i am not naggingmy BF. when he learned i got a lot more money in tha bank than he is, he simply got insecured bout it given his situation...
2007-12-23 05:56:50 · update #1
i am cancelling it bec. we have other problems on the side...not just this. he has emotional stability problems i guess and i am a very outgoing and cool person ...it seems that we are n ot on the same page...i love him but it looks like he doesnt understand what im going thru...i need him to put himself in my situtation.. we've been planning to be together for over 3 years now.
2007-12-23 06:04:00 · update #2
Their parents died so the sister lives with us bec. his older brother and his wife got sick of her...u know...
2007-12-23 06:30:06 · update #3
I really think it was a bad idea to let his sister in to your home in the first place. She wouldn't have needed to live in your home if she was responsible enough to get a decent job. An engagement is emotional enough without adding all that drama. Of course, that is probably what you're already thinking.
As for what to do now, I would say try to keep your chin up and gracefully accept the situation for what it is. Your boyfriend doesn't have enough money to help your sister and contribute what he thought he would to the wedding. So you two are going to have to sit down as a team and figure out how to cover the expenses of the wedding (cutting some small things like extra flower arrangements or the expensive limosine or whatever). One day isn't what is important, it's the fact that you two are getting married.
If you have spent holidays with him in the past, then tell him you feel bad about not getting to spend time this year, and that you had made plans for it. If this would be your first time spending the holidays together, then just go spend Christmas with your own family one more year. After that you two can figure out what to do for future holidays.
I don't think that you should break up with your fiance over this. You are both under a lot of stress from the combined wedding and sister situations. Relationships grow the most when you learn to work through tough times. So just take it as one more part of your lives that you are going to have to get through.
Good Luck!
2007-12-23 05:59:05 · answer #1 · answered by Christine 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree that 27 is too old to be living off other people. A little old lady crossing the street is different because its understandable if she's having trouble but i think that girl should be able to keep a job (come on, working at like walmart shouldnt be hard, have her work there). Plus she's threatening you when youre the one helping her out? I think she's really ungrateful and is using you and her brother.
Also, it really sounds like he doesn't want to be with you either. I mean "only be with you after the wedding"? It would be a lot better if you dont marry him or put off the wedding. The people you invited should understand, marriage is a very big commitment after all.
2007-12-23 06:01:31 · answer #2 · answered by badnewslove 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People cancel weddings all the time. Sometimes the day before. 5 months before? No problem. I assume you sent out save the dates and that is what you mean by invited them. Real invites for a May wedding wouldn't go out for a few months. If you feel you need to explain send a short note saying that due to unforseen circumstances the wedding has been cancelled. You don't need to add details and honestly you really don't need to send the note since they were never really invited.
You seem to know that this relationship is wrong for you. Get out now while it is still easy. You don't want to have to go through a divorce.
2007-12-23 13:59:35 · answer #3 · answered by JM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is hard. Um.. Sit his sister down in a polite way and tell her how u feel. Do the same with ur parents and his. Tell them that u already have alot of responsiblity with the wedding and work and things like that. Try to tell ur finace and tell him that u feel like u can't do all of this and that u need to deal out a plan for each month. If the main thing isn't that u don't want to marry him then don't. It will be ok if u tell them that u don't want to get married. I mean tell them that u r not ready for all of this and that u just want to wait. It will be more easy if they are ur family cause they can and will understand more than his family. Anyway do what u need to do and ur friends and family will always be there to back u up!!!
2007-12-23 05:57:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, do NOT get married just because you feel bad about the people that are coming! they have plenty of time to change their plans!
I think it's awful that your boyfriend is threatening you that you'll be alone. I wouldnt want to spend my life with someone who has no problem telling me that. Get out while you can. If its meant to be, it will happen. His sister is a big girl & should be contributing to SOMETHING. Even if she can't find a job now, all the more reason to make her step up to the plate, she can "pay" you guys back at least for something! I mean, she isnt to good to work at McDonald's or something, while she finds something "decent" at least it will bring in $$.
Good luck!
PS
you can always "postpone" the wedding if your not sure right now!
2007-12-23 05:56:41 · answer #5 · answered by medeirosfamily1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are having these kind of probs now, you are right to want to call it off. Being married is like that times 100. Start with whoever is paying for the wedding (your folks?). Tell them what is going on. Then after that discussion you might want to draft an 'I am sorry but there is no wedding' kind of note to send to anyone you invited.
Don't forget to find a new place to live.
Good luck
2007-12-23 06:00:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sent out invitations already? Are you worried about what people will think of you if you cancel the wedding? Are any of those people you invited to the wedding going to help you out of a bad marriage if you make the wrong decision? This is your call. If you think that you are having wedding-planning-stress related issues with your fiancee, then they are likely to disappear once the wedding is over.
But don't forget that stress will, return in other ways, throughout your marriage and what you have to ask yourself is this: do I like the way I feel about myself when we are under stress; does my love for him seem to diminish when I don't like the way he acts?
Only you know what's in your heart. Think about all the issues and then go with your gut.
Good Luck.
2007-12-23 06:07:43 · answer #7 · answered by hotchile 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is why they call it an engagement -- it gives you time to back out when you realize you've made a mistake.
So what if you invited people? Uninvite them - they won't care, except to be concerned for you, at which point you can reassure them that you both decided that marriage to each other wasn't right for you and your BF (be a lady, ok?)
If you don't want to marry him, then move out and get on with your life.
2007-12-23 05:58:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Better to cancel the wedding now than to regret it later. It's still five months away, so people won't be inconvenienced. Believe me, you'll be happier for it, and no one will think worse of you. Talk to your family, tell them your decision, and they'll help explain the situation. Hugs to you, you're a smart girl for thinking about your future, rather than just about a wedding.
2007-12-23 05:55:35 · answer #9 · answered by LoFlo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump the dude and his sister!Its not your responsibility. If you do not come frist now you never will,and I certaintly would never stand behind a sister!Forget about the wedding you have other problems need working out.You have every right to feel as you do.I hope you work it out you must stand firm in what you beleive to be right.Life"s experience!
2007-12-28 12:55:40 · answer #10 · answered by peppersham 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋