My parents are very controlling. I am 26 years old married and the mother of two with one on the way. Yet my parents get angry when I don't do what they want. I went to my grandpa's funeral last Febuary and I forgot to say goodbye to them when I left. Therefore I am no longer allowed to visit or have any contact with my siblings. That is until I go crawling back and agree to kiss their butts from here on out.
They haven't had anything to do with my children. My father told me that if he never sees my kids it will be okay because he will have more grandchildren in the future.
I am the oldest of twelve kids so I think they want to set the example with me. They want to show my sibling that they better do want they want or they will get cut off.
I really miss my siblings but what can I do??
2007-12-23 05:31:15 · 10 answers · asked by edelraye 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Frankly, anyone who has such a cavalier attitude towards their own grandchildren is someone you want to get completely out of your life. I know it will hurt to not be able to see your siblings, but considering the sort of people your parents are, they are going to understand and reunite with you when they are adults. Go to their house under pretense that you would like to apologize and tell them that you will not tolerate the way they treat you, that you are an adult and if they want to continue to see you than they will respect that and treat you with dignity. If they refuse, and they will, tell your siblings you love them and hope to see them again as soon as possible, and then leave and never call them again.
My guess is, if you stand up to these bullies and back up what you say with no contact to them at all, they'll eventually back down. If they don't, than they aren't worth the effort anyway, and your siblings will eventually follow suit and cut them off as well.
2007-12-23 18:50:44 · answer #1 · answered by missbeans 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How is it that your parents have control over whether or not you see your siblings? Are they living at home still?
I don't think I need to tell you how rediculous they are acting, it is psychotic. To be so stubborn that you don't do what they want that they won't see their grandchildren?
I wouldn't want them around my children if I were you. You are an adult and you have control of your life now whether they like it or not. Let them cut you off. The life you would live if you let them have their way would be much worse. As far as your siblings go, if there are ways you can talk to them and see them behind your parents back if they are younger so they won't get into trouble. Or you will have to wait until they are old enough to have a mind of their own.
Don't let them control you, you will be miserable trust me. They don't sound very reasonable so I suppose having a talk would be useless. There really isn't much you can do, you can't change them, but you can change how they treat you.
2007-12-23 13:45:33 · answer #2 · answered by Lucy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!!! I am in shock. That is terrible! Especially the fact that they have 12 kids I would think they would have a bigger heart that THAT!!
Maybe they are upset that you are grown up and they miss you? Maybe some sort of 'empty' nest syndrome? I am also 26 with 2 kids and I could not imagine! It just sounds to me that they are jealous of your new family? Set down and talk with them. Let them know you still love them, but you have a family and responsibilities of your own now. If it doesn't work, you know you tried your best and there is nothing more you can do. It is not your fault.
2007-12-23 14:04:48 · answer #3 · answered by Therapist 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very sad to hear. If your siblings are old enough they should be making decision for themselfs not your parents doing it for them. And if your siblings are doing what your parents say then that is sad on "their" part cause they are missing out on there neices and/or nephews. Also, your parents are loosing out more than your children. I know I wouldn't want my child around my parents if they acted like that. You kids don't need to be around it. I have never been in your shoes before but I hope things will turn around for you. Just enjoy your children and know that they love you more than anyone in the world!!!!!
2007-12-23 13:46:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is up to your siblings to go ahead and hang with you. If you are all adults - your parents cannot stop you from seeing each other.
In my opinion it is your parents that are being childish. I would go ahead and contact your siblings to set up visits etc.
Do your siblings walk on egg shells for your parents?
You are an adult - it is time that your parents see that. If they cannot then it is in your best interest to say See yah!
If you stand up for how you feel - they may get the point and back off a little.
By the way - have you ever discussed this with your parents ot siblings? It prob. won't help discussing it with your parents - but if you and all your siblings agree and stand up to your parents as a group = you can win :)
Bets of luck!!
2007-12-23 13:38:24 · answer #5 · answered by chasetwins05 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are an adult. You should get into your car with your children and husband and go visit your siblings. Your parents have no right to control you the way they do.
2007-12-23 16:00:37 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parents will always be parents and i have Lent one thing you cannot argue with them nor can you expect them to give up on you because them you will be always a kid and they are the experienced, seen it all, super citizens.......only when it is a good time let them know that you appreciate their concerns but you are ready to show some responsibility and deserve a chance at that.
But honestly, if they understand its ok but if not do not hold a grudge against the, do not argue....they are your parents and they will come thru one day...
2007-12-23 15:19:56 · answer #7 · answered by Nav 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At age 26, you're a grown woman. To have your parents dictating your behavior is a bit much, certainly. There's no way I'd go crawling back to them. Be polite, courteous, and honor them, but make it clear that they are to respond in kind. I would presume that at least some of your siblings are close to your age, in which case they are adults as well. You can't force them to stand up to mom and pop, but you can certainly let them know that you care about them, and love them, and that you want to maintain contact with them. What they do after that is out of your control; you can't force them to stand up for themselves, but you can certainly let them know that you love them, AND your parents, when they do so.
Good luck.
2007-12-23 13:42:26 · answer #8 · answered by Dances with Unicorns 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents aren't just controlling - they are bullies. Sorry, but they sound horrible!
You are an adult - see your siblings if you want. Stand up to this outrageous behaviour and encourage your siblings to do the same.
2007-12-23 13:41:28 · answer #9 · answered by Ellesar 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god! I say try not to do anything to anger them and stay away from them for some time.
2007-12-23 13:35:23 · answer #10 · answered by Jenny M 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋