I have narcissism and depression and I'm trying to find out why?

Question

Hello,

I'm a young man who suffers from Narcisstic Personality Disorder as well as low confidence who has had multiple periods of depression. As I'm entering adulthood, I'm trying to discover why these happened so I can resolve them. Thats where I need your help.

I'm nervous about writing this, but I need to know if these childhood events are why I am like this today. I hope you can understand (I know it sounds a bit emo!)

When I was 6, my classmates bullied me; usually out of jealousy. They would keep threatening to kill me, e.g that they would bring knives into school and how they would do it. Not only that, but the ringleader went to the same afterschool club as me so there was no escape. I was so gullible (still am now) so I was always afraid of them and what they would do so I often stayed in at lunch and wished they were all off ill. Eventually it stopped but it lasted a year.

What do you think about this, I've never told anyone it so I hope that's the solution.

Answer 1

You know, it sounds like what happened to you back then has significantly traumatised you. You have been diagnosed with NPD. It could be, however, that this early trauma has affected you to the extent that you have become preoccupied with yourself.

Ask your psychiatrist/whoever diagnosed you to refer you to a specialist who practices EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprogramming) which is the best treatment for dealing with the kind of trauma you experienced.

The fact that you went through this for a whole year without having told anyone is indicative to me that you have been severely traumatised and if this is addressed, then you might find that your depression lifts.

The core beliefs of NPD are "I am special" which covers up "I am worthless". You may believe that you are worthless as a result of these earlier events.

Another issue to consider is the way your parents were with you. They may have led you to believe that you were special, but didn't give you the boundaries to make you feel safe, and for you to realise that the needs of other people are important too. I am guessing the relationship with them was far from perfect, otherwise you would have felt able to go to them for help when you were being bullied so badly.

Wishing you all the best.

Oh, I just remembered. A REALLY good book for healing yourself from personality disorders is this one:

http://www.amazon.com/Reinventing-Your-Life-Breakthough-Behavior/dp/0452272041/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198433762&sr=8-1

All the very best to you

X

Answer 2

I can understand the depression issue because I am going through that myself, a very severe case of it. As for the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, were you diagnosed or do you just think that you have that disorder? If you do have the disorder, then it probably can be attibuted to the bullying you experienced as a child. Sometimes that causes children to turn into themselves and become narcissistic, especially if the trauma from the bullying was very bad. And to be diagnosed as having full blown NPD means that the trauma from the bullying was never dealt with and that's what has caused the NPD. I'd like to email you if you want to talk more about this, because I have done alot of research on NPD since I worked with someone who had a severe case of it.

Answer 3

At some point, you just have to remind yourself that the things that happened to you when you were a child were not your fault.



Blaming yourself for others' problems (e.g. bringing a knife to school and threatening another student with death) is probably the biggest thing, even if you only do it subconsciously. Just chalk it up as being over and done with, and make a conscious effort to show more confidence in your every day life, and that should be a nice first step towards satisfaction.

Answer 4

I tend to think narcissism results from parental injuries rather than peer injuries. Somehow the parents don't give the child a feeling it is special and lovable just because he/she is who they are.
I had simmilar issues with bullying from classmates. There were several things I could have done. I could have not hung out with those guys. I could have fought back, maybe not physically but at least verbally. But I didn't. Why? Because at some level I felt like I deserved this treatment. And this came from my parents. I couldn't get my mother's heart because I just couldn't be the son she wanted me to be. My Dad reminded me of how much of a dissappointment I was. I was valuable only insofar as I was useful, my narcissistic injury. Rather than feeling like I was a valuable, lovable human being just because I was me, I was told I was invaluable because I couldn't do what my parents wanted me to do. Narcissistic parents often, but not always, produce narcissstic children.
The inner fire that should have kept me far away from the people in my life was just not there. It was put out by my parents who told me I didn't have a right to my feelings, that I didn't really deserve to be here. Instead of avoiding abusive people in my life I actually sought them out. One, because they were familiar to me. Two, because I still had dreams of finding the key to my mother's/father's heart. I imagined that if I could find a mean person and make them nice I could somehow find the key to my parent's hearts.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear about your sad experience. I myself don't have a happy childhood etiher.
I don't know how to help you. But I'll pray for you.
May you be able to get all the help that you need. May you be able to come out of your depression and live a very happy life.