My six-year-old son has become increasingly defiant lately. He just doesn't care when something is against the rules. He touches everything everywhere we go. Just yesterday I caught him playing with the stove (lighting incense), moving chairs to then climb on them and hang tape from the ceiling (to swing on, of course!) and running out into a parking lot. He threw his kitten through the air, he annoyed his eight-year-old sister tremendously, and he's driving me batty. He's gotten into trouble at every school he's attended and at this point he's in a public homeschooling program (meaning they give me the books and wish me luck) because nobody wants him in their classroom.
On the other hand, he is visually impaired and has had some rough stuff happen, like having his dad suddenly come back in his life, a period of a few months where we lived in crummy motels, etc. He can get very depressed when corrected, so coal might be damaging. I'm just out of options.
2007-12-23 04:43:41 · 26 answers · asked by Rhonda Teacher 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Well I have NEVER put coal in my child's stocking no matter how naughty.
INSTEAD: I type up a note that says:
Dear______,
Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy the gifts.
But, I would like you to know I have been watching you from my little magic ball, and have seen that you've been naughty.
But instead of giving you coal I have a mission for you: please stop being naughty and start being nice to Mommy and Daddy(If you are a single parent just put Mommy). If you contunie this behavior I will only give you coal next year so please be good!
Love,
Santa
My kids love getting letters from "Santa" and when they read it they are usually very good after that.
Good luck!
~Gabbie
2007-12-23 11:05:58 · answer #1 · answered by Dina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your son may need to be evaluated by a Developmental Pediatrician or a Neurologist. With a Visual Impairment, he is protected under the Individual with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) and the school can NOT deny him his right to a FREE, APPROPRIATE PUBLIC EDUCATION (FAPE). Your son should be in school with an IEP in place that addresses all of his educational and social developmental needs. I would start with seeing a Developmental Pediatrician or Neurologist for some testing. It sounds like his unique needs are not being met (not at any fault of yours). I have a daughter with Cerebral Palsy and I know how unbelievably frustrating it is dealing with the school end of things when you have a child with special needs.
If you are in need of support or information, please feel free to check out www.specialparent.org. There are parents there whose children have disabilities and/or special needs and they offer tremendous support and resources. I hope you are able to find some help for your son.
As for the coal in the stocking, I wouldn't do it. But I really liked the idea of the letter from Santa. It might at least make your son aware that some of his behaviors are wrong. GOOD LUCK.
2007-12-24 01:24:15 · answer #2 · answered by Marie K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Discipline him harder/more. If you catch him at the stove or doing something potentially dangerous, tell him NO and give him 5 or 6 HARD spanks. Put him in his room for timeout. Is there a way that he can get glasses or some other sort of vision correction if money is a problem? I wouldn't put coal in the stocking, I'd leave a note 'from Santa' that says he is on the verge of being on the naughty list--if he is really good for the next week (better than normal), Santa will return but if he's bad Santa will keep the gifts (you can return them or donate them).
2007-12-23 17:36:56 · answer #3 · answered by That Gay Guy for Da Ben Dan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has definitely has something along the lines of ADHD. Other than that, just a case of 6 year olds. Truly, my cousin acts the same way, but the doctors say nothings wrong with him. It may just be that you have a hyper child on your hands. Don't punish him with something he can't control. Punish him when he does something bad though. I reccomend the "naughty chair" system. It worked beautifully with my nephew. Get a chair, a mat, whatever works best and deem it the naughty ____. If he does something bad, tell him he has one more chance then he's going to the naughty ___.
If he does it again, firmly take him to the chair and tell him why he's there. Make him sit there for 6 minutes because he's six years old. (5 years=5min. etc.) If he tries to get up, add on two minutes every time. When time's up, go over and ask him to apologize. Not just "I'm sorry" but "I'm sorry for ___". This should work... Sorry for the length but hope he improves.
2007-12-23 13:11:06 · answer #4 · answered by :) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs some counseling and very firm discipline. Some of his behavior is normal (the touching everything - my 6 year old does the same thing, drives me nuts) but some of the things are a bit much (throwing the cat). Your son needs consistent rules and discipline. He needs a tight leash for awhile so that when he does something wrong he knows exactly what the negative consequences are. And a counselor might help him deal with some of his issues and test him also - has he been checked for ADHD?
Oh - and no coal. That will not give him any kind of message other than he is a bad kid. He isn't bad, he just does some bad things and needs you to help him learn to act correctly or deal with his problems - not criticize him. Maybe just keep Christmas low key this year so he is not overwhelmed.
2007-12-23 14:43:48 · answer #5 · answered by Rob 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not for sure if you should do that, but I have to say my son acted the same way, even at the same age, everything you said is identical to what I was having to deal with with my son. I took him to a new doctor along with his school behavior record and she diagnosed him as having ADHD, I know some people say that they just need to be disciplined, after my son started medicine for his ADHD, its like having a new kid and he's not zoned out like most people say they get, he's doing awesome in school and minds me all the time and is nice to his sister. You might wanna look into it, my son is on Concerta and thank God for it. The times of the school calling me cause he's in the office and throwing chairs at his teachers and not doing what I tell him are OVER. GOOD LUCK!
2007-12-23 13:02:23 · answer #6 · answered by Tabby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say to scare him a bit- yes.
Then let it settle in. Then- hand him his gifts. And let him know if his behavior continues, that next year it wont be coal as a teaser.
As for the rough stuff, thats the reason I say just to tease him a bit with it. He doesn't deserve to be given just the coal for Xmas entirely. He deserves to be rewarded for dealing with life's complicated stresses.
As for some of his behavior, I would suggest you seek him some counseling (genuinely concerned as I have seen this with a friend's child doing similar things with similar problems in his life). Some of this needs to be dealt with you and him seeking therapy. It will be good for both of you and possibly your daughter. First take him to the pediatrician and the go from there.
Good luck to all three of you and merry christmas.
2007-12-23 22:25:49 · answer #7 · answered by mamacandy74 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nah. i think you're just frustrated. the only thing putting coal in his stocking wout make him think, is that he's bad, not his behavior. hold on to that fact: he's not a bad kid, what he does is bad.
reach out to someone, look into counseling, spend some quality time with him, ask him what's bothering him. he's six, he'll be able to talk about things. most of all, make sure he knows you love him no matter what he does, but it makes you sad when he behaves badly.
good luck and have a great holiday with your family.
2007-12-23 12:57:09 · answer #8 · answered by giantmt25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's has a disability (a mental one , I saw you mention he's visually impaired). His behavior is not normal for a typical child that age. So punishments will never solve his problem the help of a doctor will.
2007-12-23 12:53:30 · answer #9 · answered by kiwi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT give that child COAL! Sounds like he's crying out for attention. (not saying you don't give it to him) but sometimes children need some "extra" attention for whatever reasons. Hold him..tell him you love him and want him to try to do better.
Final note: CATCH him doing something...anything GOOD and make a huge deal out of it. Let him know how proud you are of him.
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
2007-12-23 13:14:22 · answer #10 · answered by OMGiamgoingNUTS 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋